House of Cards
by LovingMyDoctor
Summary: Dr. Harleen Quinzel was just a regular trauma-surgeon with a dark past, when the infamous Joker reached out to her, because he needed her medical assistance. A new take on how Harley&Joker met and fell in love. Rated M for strong language and dark themes. R&R!
1. House of Cards

**House of Cards**

* * *

A/N: I am SO excited to share this story with you guys! I love it so much and I just have to get it out of my system and share it with you all.  
This is my second Suicide Squad fanfiction and I really wanted to have a go at how the two met, but I've read so many fics about them meeting in Arkham that I felt like trying something new. Enjoy! :)

* * *

 _The way you move is like a full on rain storm – and I'm a house of cards._

(Taylor Swift. _Sparks Fly)_

* * *

 **Chapter1**

"Harleen! Come on, please!"

I sighed deeply, knowing I shouldn't have said anything at all. Tonight was the Surgeons Masquerade Ball were the new Chief of Surgery was going to be announced and I had yet to find an excuse not to go. The fact that I didn't _want_ to wasn't good enough.

"I told you, I'll think about it", I smiled at Quinn, trying my best to look polite while doing so. Before she could say anything further I left the locker room. We weren't really friends. We knew each other since we'd been interns and because my name was Harleen Quinzel and hers Quinn Hazel we had automatically grown accustomed with each other, because our names were so similar.

Outside I drew a deep breath of the cold winters night. It felt good to be outside of the hospital and to breath some fresh air.

Only Gothams surgeons would have such a stupid ball. It was ridiculous! We were doctors, not teenagers!

Sharleen would have loved it. It was crazy. I had been 15 when she'd killed herself and that was 10 years ago and I still missed my sister every single day.

I had just started to walk across the street, when a hand wrapped itself around my mouth from behind and an arm slung around my waist. I gasped and struggled. I screamed as loudly as I could, but the sound was muffled. Useless. I heard the sound of a door open and was then pulled into a large van.

"Get off me!" I pushed against the man holding me and was surprised when he actually let me go.

"What do we have here?" It wasn't the man, who had pulled me into the vehicle. This one had already been inside. His face was pale, too pale, almost like a clown and his hair was green. He was smiling brightly. His teeth looked strange. Metallic. And his shirt was open, revealing his many tattoos and well...his body. And somehow I thought he was...hot?

"Do you know who I am?"

I nodded, wishing more than anything that my instincts would finally kick in and get me the hell out of here.

"You're the Joker." Apparently my instincts had abandoned me, but my voice hadn't shaken with fear, so at least I was going to die in dignity.

He threw his head back and laughed and it was the most horrible sound I had ever heard. And I was a trauma-surgeon who spent most of her time in an Emergency Room – the mother of horrible sounds.

"We have a clever doctor!" He grinned, stepping closer, "Good work, Johnny!"

Johnny seemed to be the man behind me, because he muttered: "Thanks, Boss."

"What are you gonna do?" Psychology 101 came back to me and I realised what I had to do: Show no fear. That was my ticket out of here. I stepped closer: "You gonna kill me, Mr. J?"

"What? Oh, I'm not gonna kill you." He said honestly, "At least not right away." As if this had been the cue the van began to move, as the Joker stepped forward and finally explained what this was all about: "I have a patient in need of your assistance, Doctor."

The man behind me blindfolded me then and put duct-tape over my mouth. And this time it was my instincts that told me to be quiet.

* * *

When we arrived at his penthouse I expected to find an army of his men standing by. Or atleast a dozen of them. I did not expect to find myself alone with the Joker. The way he freed me from my blindfold was almost gentle. The duct-tape hurt like hell though.

"Sorry about that." I had never seen someone smile like that before. Without joy. "Dr. Quinzel, you work for me now, do you understand? You will treat this patient and you will not try to run away. What happens to my employees when they try to run? Hmm? What do you think?"

I kept my gaze looked with his and answered in a cold tone: "You kill them."

"Good girl!" He actually almost sounded joyful now, but the moment passed quickly: "Come on. She's upstairs." When he gripped my arm to pull me from the van his grip was tight, painful, but his skin was surprisingly warm. It was so human.

Inside the large mansion I did see a dozen of his men, but they were not at all they way I had imagined the Jokers men to be: They were quiet, efficient and moved around the house...tidying it up?

I stopped for a moment, watching muscular men polishing tables, cleaning windows, hoovering carpets...

"Hurry!" The Joker interrupted my thoughts impatiently, "Let's go!"

"What happened here?" I was only thinking out loud and hadn't really expected an answer, when he snapped:

"I was robbed! Can't you see that?!" He pointed towards the broken vases, ripped down pictures and turned over furniture around us.

"Of course I can. But I'm a doctor, not Martha Stewart."

His gaze turned cold, as he glared at me angrily and for a moment I felt my fear rising up in me full speed.

"You talk too much", he observed in a cool tone, "Now come on!"

We went up the large stairs. I had never been in a house like this. It was so large and well...to be honest it was a very nice house. If robbers hadn't come inside and smashed it up, it would have been beautiful. It seemed like the Joker really had taste...and style? I'd always assumed he was a bachelor, but this house looked like it had a womans touch. Maybe I was about to meet Mrs. Joker. Oh dear. I wasn't sure I was prepared for that.

"In here." He stopped in front of one of the many identical doors in his upstairs hallway, "Remember what I said?"

I rolled my eyes, not even pretending to be annoyed. How on earth was I supposed to escape from here? Or spontaneously run away? He was looking at me intently, obviously expecting an answer.

"I'm not going to run away!"

After one last glare he opened the door and I tried by best to hide my shock at the sight before me: The woman was sitting up in a large bed. Her lip had been bleeding, she had a deep cut on her forehead, her eye was swollen and all of her body seemed to be covered in yellow and blue bruises. It was a split second that I was shocked, but then I turned into my doctor-self.

"Ma'am, my name is Dr. Quinzel", I walked past the Joker, "I'm going to...take a look at you."

To be honest I'd expected a sarcastic comment, like _Go ahead, Sweety!_ But the woman only nodded and seemed grateful.

For a moment I looked at the green haired man and he looked back at me. Not glared. Just looked. In fact we shared a moment communicating with each other wordlessly and I knew he was going to stay.

Ok.

I walked towards the bed and found many first-aid-kits piled on the bed. I opened the first one and stepped next to the woman.

"I don't have anything to numb you", I said gently, "But I'm going to have clean and stitch that wound. It will hurt a lot."

Again she only nodded. As if she wasn't surprised and as if she could take it. If she was dating the Joker, I supposed she could.

The entire thing went on rather quietly. She didn't even flinch. Her right wrist was broken, two of her ribs bruised and when I reached her legs I froze and all my professionalism and fearlessness vanished.

" _Sharleen! What on earth happened?!"_

" _Go away, Harley! I'm ok."_

" _You're bleeding!"_

" _Just grab my kit, ok Sweety? I'll be ok, I promise. I just...I just..."_

" _Sharley. Were you...were you raped?"_

I snapped out of the memory suddenly and stared at the marks on the womans legs. Now it was she and I who shared a wordless moment of communication.

"Mr. Joker", my voice shook, "I need to ask you to step outside for a moment."

To my intense surprise (and if I read her face correctly, to hers too) he left the room quietly. We looked at each other as I studied her beat-up face. She was amazingly beautiful even in this state. High cheekbones, large blue eyes and long eye lashes. But that was to be expected. Average wouldn't do for the Joker.

"Do you want me to do a rape-kit?" I finally asked.

She shook her head and then said: "They didn't rape me. They only tried."

I could see how much effort they had put into trying. Could see where their knees had pushed against her thighs harshly. Had scratched her skin.

"What happened?"

"Well, they broke in while I was alone. There were six of them."

"Six?!" I repeated.

She smiled at my reaction and her lip burst open, beginning to bleed. I handed her a tissue to stop the bleeding.

"Do you know what he said when came home?" I knew immediately that she was talking about the Joker and didn't reply. She didn't need me to: "Damnit woman, when will you finally learn to defend yourself?!" She laughed humourlessly and I could see tears burning in her eyes.

"Six men tried to rape you and weren't able to. I think you defended yourself pretty well."

"I should have stopped them from destroying the house. I-"

"You survived." I said clearly and put my hand on her shoulder, "Nothing else matters. You. Survived."

And not everyone was that lucky. Or strong.

"You're very nice, Dr. Quinzel."

I smiled and pulled the blanket over her demolished body, "I'm going to prescribe you some painkillers. You should have your wrist and ribs checked out in two weeks. And call me if you feel dizzy or nauseous." I scribbled down my number on a piece of paper that had been laying on the table by her bed.

"Thank you."

"Oh and a word of advice?" I smiled grimly, "Find a new boyfriend. His reaction to your attack is the worst thing I've ever heard."

To my surprise she began to laugh: "Oh, he's not my boyfriend! We used to make deals back when he was still into heroin that's all! I just got out of prison and he let me crash here." When she smiled at me this time I shivered.

"Well, like I said...if your condition worsens."

"You're my girl, Doc. I got it. Thanks!"

"Getwellsoon", the words rushed from my mouth as I rushed to the door. I had just patched up a drugdealer!

No. I told myself. A patient. A victim.

"Are you done?" He sounded annoyed and I wondered if he still had plans tonight he had to get to. I was pretty sure he wasn't going to a masquerade ball.

"She has two bruised ribs, a broken wrist and her head wound might turn into a concussion. She will have to rest for a few days, but she should be back to new soon."

He rolled his eyes: "Good."

Well it wasn't a thank you, but I would take it.

"She has my number. If she starts to feel ill or dizzy or in any way worse, give me a call." I walked past him, I had survived! I was walking out of here!

"Where do you think you're going?!" In an instance he pulled me back and although his grip hurt my arm I couldn't help but notice how close our bodies were. And that he smelled good. He really did have style... "You work for me now, little girl!"

"It's Doctor Quinzel!" I snapped and continued: "I don't work for you." _Please don't kill me,_ I thought as I stared into his green eyes. "I helped _one_ patient and I'm prepared to help her again. You don't have to kidnap me, if you need my assistance. Just give me a call." I could see the shock in his face and as soon as his grip loosened I began to back away. "And it would be great if one of your boys could drive me home. I have no idea where I am."

Before he could answer I turned around and walked down the stairs. The smile on my face was joyful, because I knew his mouth had dropped open in astonishment revealing his metallic teeth and I Dr. Harleen Quinzel had not just survived a visit to the Jokers house, but had also rendered him speechless.

But I also knew without a doubt that once I was safely at home I would break down in tears.

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Guess who would never miss a chance to go to a masquerade ball? :) please review and tell me what you think!


	2. Yes

**Yes.**

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A/N: Thank you so much for your feedback! It means so much to me and really motivated me to continue.

Anju-san: You are SO welcome :)  
Randomize: Your review made my day!  
Hailey: Thank you for pointing it out to me ;-)

* * *

 _Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess. It's a love story, baby, just say yes._  
(Taylor Swift - _Love Story_ )

* * *

After my crying session had ended I pulled myself together enough to give my brother Shayne a call. I knew he was expecting me to call him. I'd been pacing my one-room-apartemt for a while. First I'd raided the fridge for some wine, then I'd sat at my round table and cried and cried and cried. I felt like I'd been infested with his smell, his voice, his touch...I needed distraction - now!

"Hey Shayne, it's me."

"Harleen?" He sounded worried, "Are you ok?"

How was it possible for him to know that I wasn't ok just by hearing the few words I had uttered?

"No."

"What's wrong?"

 _I was kidnapped by the citys most famous serial killer and find him attractive._ I had to smile Jokerstyle: Without joy. The kidnap wasn't even what had shocked me to tears.

"I...I took care of a rape-victim today. I mean. She wasn't raped. She was almost raped and...it's just hard you know."

"I know", Shayne sounded considerate, "I've been thinking about her a lot lately too."

With a small sigh I sat down on my bed, "I miss her _so_ much. I just...do you think that will ever stop?"

"I don't think it should." He sounded bitter, "At least not for me."

I sighed once more. Shayne had blamed himself for Sharleens suicide ever since it had happened. So had I, but I instead of wallowing in pain I had been active and had tried to find the son of a bitch who had killed my sister. As her twin he felt like he should have known what she was going through and should have prevented it.

She had been helping out in the same hospital I was working in and one of the attendings had raped her, causing her to slit her wrists and end her life. I'd become a doctor with the sole purpose of working here in Gotham and finding him and killing him. I had been sure I was ready. I'd been planing this moment for so long.

But being a doctor had changed me. Helping people was my goal, not fuelling my rage and plotting revenge. It had been time to let go. Shayne had helped me through these moments. Without him I'd have been long gone, I never would have made it this far. He was the one who let me know it was ok to give up my search. I would never find the man who had ruined all of our lives and even if I did...it wouldn't change anything.

Our parents had divorced after Sharleens death. Mum had become an alcoholic and Dad became completely withdrawn from us. As if he had died too.

"So, are you going to the ball?" He asked, interrupting my thoughts, "You bought the dress right?"

I had. It was a large blue ball dress with red striped flowing down from the waist. Plus a blue and red mask with glittering stones on the side.

"I don't know. I bought the dress, but...I had a hell of a day, Shayne, really. I'm not sure I feel like going out." I stepped towards the window. I couldn't really tell how, but I felt like I was being watched.

"That's why you should go!" He was persistent. "And you get to find out who your new boss will be. I really think this might be good for you Harls."

I supposed it would be.

"Unless that creepy doctor's there again", he muttered now, "then you should stay in."

"Dr. Turner was only visiting." I reminded him. "He's long gone by now."

"Good."

Dr. Turner had come by our hospital a few weeks ago and there had been comments. About how I looked, how I smelled, whether I was single or not, how it was possible that I was single...it had been so weird. But he was gone. It had been one day.

"I think I'll go." I said as I turned away from the window. "But you need to go out too."

"I'm right with you, sis." I could hear his grin through the phone, "I have a date tonight."

"With Janine?!" I asked jumping up in joy. "That's the third one already!"

"Don't get too excited. It might not work out."

"But she's perfect for you!" I sighed dramatically.

"You've never met her!"

"I've heard enough. Make it work, Shayne. Don't forget: You're already 30."

"Will do." He chuckled, "And you look after yourself, Harleen. You know how I feel about Gotham and the Joker prowling the streets."

A shiver ran through me at the mention of the Joker. But I shook it off. I was going to the ball and I would not waste another thought on todays events. I'd given Johnny a fake address to let me out of and I was sure the woman at the Jokers house would not call me, because she was too tough to care about her health. This was all over.

Besides my brother was one to talk. He lived in New York and on the news there had been a report about a new serial rapist. That's what it had said. New. As if it was expected of the city to have rapists on the streets.

"I'll talk to you soon, Shayne. I need to get ready."

"Have fun!"

We hung up and I hurried into the bathroom have a shower and get dressed. Tonight was about masks. About pretending. Today hadn't happened. It was all over. And maybe, if I tried hard enough I'd be able to forget Sharleens empty gaze of depression for one evening. Maybe, just maybe I could have one evening of peace.

* * *

When I entered the large room in city hall I was speechless because of all the swirling colors and beauty around me. The room was decorated with huge Chandeliers, royal carpets and everyone looked so nice. Most men worse suits and my dress was by far not the most extravagant one there.

"Harleen!" It was Quin, who had spotted me in the crowd: "You look amazing!"

Not to show off, but I really did. Blue and red were just my colours. My hair wasn't in it's usual bun, but I had let it down and my blonde curls made my outfit complete. And I'd tossed my glasses just for this evening.

"So do you Quinn!" Her dress was green, like her eyes and her mask was a shape of a butterfly with green feathers on each side. Her black hair was pinned up, revealing some strands of her curled hair. She looked stunning, she really did.

"I'm so glad you're here!" Quin giggled, obviously already a bit drunk: "You need to live a little. Don't go home alone. Get yourself laid, Dr. Quinzel."

I had to laugh at her bluntness: "Everyone here is married or in a relationship."

"Well, no pain, no gain."

"Dr. Quinzel! I almost didn't recognize you! Stunning as ever!"

My blood froze in my veins. That voice...When I turned around I saw the one man who wasn't wearing a mask.

"Dr. Turner?" What was he doing here?

My unspoken question seemed to be written all over my face, because he explained:

"My dear, you weren't here for my speech, were you? Well, _surprise!_ " He grinned and then declared: "I'm the new Chief of Surgery!"

Completely out of my control my mouth dropped open as I stared at him: " _What?!_ "

"He already knew when he came for a visit!" Quinn squealed beside me: "He was like an undercover boss! Isn't that funny?"

"Hilarious." It was about as funny as ten dead babies in a frying pan. But each to their own, right?

"I just wanted to see what my new staff was going to be like!" The smile he gave me made me feel even more uncomfortable than the Jokers joyless one. "There's my wife! Susanne, Darling! Come and meet Dr. Quinzel!"

A beautiful tall woman with large brown eyes and curly brown hair stepped to our group. She wasn't dressed for the ball either: Her black dress was tight and short and she wasn't wearing a mask.

"Dr. Quinzel! I've heard _so much_ about you!" Maybe my meeting with the Joker had made me paranoid, but I could have sworn that sounded like a threat. And she pressed my hand pretty tightly too. It hurt.

"Eh...hi." My eyes scanned the room for an escape of any kind and rested upon a figure standing at the far end of the room - with green hair. When he turned around I saw he was wearing a cut out Jokers mask on his face. The mask was covering all of his face and was blue and golden. It was the same blue as my dress. He worse a black suit with a white shirt and a purple tie.

"Excuse me", I growled at the Turners before I made my way over to him.

"Come with me right now!" I snapped and grabbed his hand, pulling him behind me onto the balcony that was connected to the large ball room.

"Miss, we can just go to a separate room, if you feel-"

"Cut the act!" I interrupted him harshly, "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"How did you recognise me?" He sounded sincerely disappointed.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, "You're wearing a _Jokers_ mask and you didn't even bother to change your hair colour! This has got to be the worst disguise ever! What are you doing here, Mr. J?!"

"Well, I couldn't just let you...get away", he seemed to be lost for words, but caught himself rather quickly: "How can I know you won't go running to the police and tell them all about our evening?"

For crying out loud!

"This is my _job!_ " I snapped, "Those people are my colleagues, my bosses! I _cannot_ have you here! You're going to get me fired!"

"Exactly." I was sure he was smiling under that scary mask as he stepped closer. "That's why you won't tell a soul about what happened." I was sure I was loosing my mind...but did he sound hurt? "Have a nice night, _Dr. Quinzel_."

Before I could say anything at all the Joker turned around and walked back inside. This was insane. This entire day was crazy. How could he be hurt?! How could I feel bad because I had hurt him? Oh no. No no no no no. Was I _seriously_ developing feelings for this maniac?

"Shit!" I muttered under my breath as I stepped to the railing of the balcony and looked over the pretty lights of the city. I was going insane. One meeting with the infamous clown and I was losing my marbles. I had Stockholm Syndrome and probably a bad case of PTSD.

"Shit!"

"Now, now Dr. Quinzel...who would have thought that you have such a filthy mouth? I must say I quite like it." All the wrong shivers ran through my body, as I heard Dr. Turner approach me. I turned around to face him, but that was a mistake, because my body was trapped between the balcony and his body.

He was actually quite handsome. A face with high cheekbones, large blue eyes and thick brown hair. But he was so disgusting. It burned all of his good looks away.

"Will you use your filthy mouth for me, Dr. Quinzel?" He breathed against my ear and I shuddered.

"Dr. Turner. Please, your wife is right ins-"

"Oh you won't be talking to my wife, Sweetheart." The look in his eyes changed to something colder and harder and the hand that wasn't cupping my butt reached up to my cheek, pinching it painfully. "You would never do anything so stupid, would you?"

I didn't know how to answer his threat. Hiding my fear from the Joker had been one thing, but hiding from this guy wasn't just fear, but also revulsion.

"What's going on here?"

Now I was probably hallucinating. The man stepping onto the balcony looked like the Joker I had just sent away, he had the same voice too, but why on earth did he sound so...angry?

Dr. Turner took his hands from me and sounded pissed off when he asked: "Who are you?"

"Her boyfriend", the Joker said in a cold tone and Dr. Turner backed away, he was eyeing me suspiciously.

"My mistake", he said coldly, before leaving the balcony, walking backwards never taking his eyes of me.

It was so time for this day to end! I walked towards the door, but the Joker blocked my way. The look in his blue eyes was so intense I was caught of guard and frozen to the spot. Slowly he reached out to touch my cheek. It didn't hurt anymore. Then he pulled his hand back and started to push his mask up, uncovering his lips only.

"What are you doing?!" I hissed, as he stepped closer.

"We're being watched." I didn't ask how he knew this, since his back was facing the room. "Do you want Dr. Sexual Harassment to believe you're taken or not?" A smile played around his lips and I sighed, knowing he was right. If I didn't kiss him Dr. Turner wouldn't believe he was my boyfriend. So I closed my eyes and stepped forward and he did the same. When our lips met, fireworks exploded in my head and all over my body. I was embarrassed to admit, but I melted in his arms instantly.

"The masks are in the way", I muttered against his lips and pushed his up higher, causing it to fall to the floor,

"Clothes are in the way", he gasped into my mouth, pulling me closer.

It was my goal in life to help people, his was to destroy them. But here I was completely lost in his arms and at the same time I finally felt like I'd found the place where I belonged. I welcomed Stockholm Syndrome, PTSD and schizophrenia with open arms, as long as I could continue kissing him like this. I embraced insanity, because it tasted sweet, like summer nights and happy childhood memories. I was drowning in his kiss and I never wanted to come up for air again.

* * *

I love Shayne! :) please tell me what you think! :)


	3. Your Hands

**Chapter3: Your Hands**

* * *

 _And I'll do anything you say  
If you say it with your hands.  
And I'd be smart to walk away  
But you're quicksand._

(Taylor Swift – _Treacherous)_

* * *

I wasn't alone in my bed. There was somebody in my bed with me. And there was never anyone in bed with me.

It was nice.

The Joker lay beside me, sleeping peacefully and the events of the past hours came back to me as I stared up into the darkness.

* * *

" _Mr. J. Drive me home."_

" _Do you not own a car?"_

 _Idiot. I knew he was only teasing me, but I was too impatient for his games._

" _Are you coming to my place, or not?"_

* * *

" _You live in one room? You're a doctor!"_

" _I'm paying back my student loans. And you talk too much."_

" _You have no idea who I am. Or you wouldn't talk to me like that."_

" _Show me who you are then."_

* * *

 _Our clothes vanished into every corner of the apartment._

 _His lips had an enchanting effect on me, always pulling me closer._

 _We tripped, fell, laughed and something shattered._

 _Then we made it to the bed._

* * *

 _I scratched his back bloody._

 _I didn't even know his name._

 _His hands had murdered._

 _His hands made me feel alive._

* * *

" _Why did you become a doctor?"_

" _My sister was raped by an attending and then killed herself. I wanted to avenge her."_

" _Did you find him?"_

" _No. I gave up."_

* * *

" _What was your sisters name?"_

" _Sharleen."_

" _Sharleen and Harleen. That's not very creative."_

" _She called me Harley."_

* * *

" _Why did you follow me?"_

" _I didn't."_

" _Liar. Your mask matched my dress."_

" _You noticed that?"_

* * *

" _Can I call you Harley?"_

" _Why?"_

" _Because I like it. It's so you."_

" _Ok."_

* * *

" _I followed you, because I'm fascinated by you."_

" _Why?"_

" _You don't fear me."_

" _I fear myself sometimes."_

* * *

" _Why do you have so many tattoos?"_

" _Why don't you have any?"_

 _"Did they hurt?"_

" _Define hurt."_

* * *

" _How many people have you murdered?"_

" _That's not the question you want to ask."_

" _How many girlfriends have you had?"_

" _None."_

* * *

" _Do you know the names of all the people working for you?"_

" _I only have men working for me and yes."_

" _No women?"_

" _No."_

* * *

" _What's your real name?"_

* * *

I awoke with a start. After my own memories I had fallen asleep after all. He was gone. At first I thought he'd left, but then I heard the shower and realised he was in my bathroom.

My apartment was a mess. We had knocked against everything, the kitchen table, the sofa, the plant by the sofa, the table by my bed...

My hand went up to trace along my lips as a cold shiver ran over and through me. _What have I done?!_

I jumped out of bed and to my closet and got dressed in record speed. I didn't want him to see me naked. Not again.

Then I began to tidy up. All the broken glass was swept away, the furniture stood up again...the bed made.

When the Joker came out of the bathroom the apartment was in perfect shape again. It was time for him to leave, he realised that didn't he?

He didn't have to say anything. It was written all over his face and reflected in his blazing eyes. He was not leaving anytime soon.

"No." I held up my hand between us to keep him at bay. "Don't come any closer."

He laughed, "After last night that wasn't the kind of greeting I was expecting!"

Because he was moving towards me with the movements of a hunter searching for his prey I backed away further, behind the small kitchen table.

"I have to say Harley...I'm not really feeling the love." There was that rage in his voice again, like in our first night. The threat.

"There is no love." I said clearly. "What happened last night was a mistake. It won't happen again."

He smiled his joyless smile: "Do you really think you can reject me?"

This guy was _so_ full of himself.

"I just did."

The Joker growled and it wasn't in a hot way, like it had been last night and flung the table away with one brush of his arm. I jumped back and if I hadn't been so terrified I would have been impressed by his strength.

"Harley, do you have any idea what I am capable of?" He stepped closer to me, his hot breath tickling my skin as he hissed into my ear. "I can make your life a living hell until you are _pleading_ with me to just put you out of your misery and finally kill you."

It was in that moment that I knew I was in too deep. Not last night. This moment right here. While he was threatening to do horrible things to me I could feel my knees grow weak and my heart race in a good way.

I was falling in love with him and I could do nothing to stop it.

Well. There was one thing.

"Last night is not going to repeat itself." I said clearly, trying not to let his harshness intimidate me. "You're just going to have to get over it."

A smile played around his lips as he slid even closer to me, reminding me of nothing less than a snake in that moment. He pressed his body against mine and I felt myself growing weak again. His mouth travelled across my neck, his tongue sliding over the delicate skin there.

I didn't mean for it to happen, but a low moan escaped my mouth as his hands wandered down my body.

 _Give in, Harley._ A voice inside me whispered. _Just give in. Give in. Give in..._

The Jokers lips brushed against mine in the softest manner, just to tease me, barely kissing me, when I all I wanted was for him to kiss me like he had last nights. With fireworks.

"Baby, I can promise you: I will _not_ be the one begging."

With that he turned around and left me alone with my intense feelings. So intense that I slid to the floor, as if he had taken all of my strength with him.

"Goodbye, Dr. Quinzel." His voice had a bitter tone to it and although I had been alone all my life and had little friends, I had never felt so lonely like in that moment, when the Joker had left.

* * *

I was late to work again. After I'd put the table back where it belonged – it had still been in one piece surprisingly enough – I'd had a shower and tried to call Shayne. But he hadn't answered. When I hurried into the locker room it was deserted, luckily. I pulled my top over my head in a swift motion and then heard a low chuckle behind me:

"Late night?" Quinn asked. She'd been sitting on the bench behind me and I hadn't seen her in my hurries. She wasn't changed completely yet either. "I lost track of you at the party. You followed my advice didn't you?"

"Yeah." I groaned, as I opened my locker to put on my scrubs. "I'm _not_ doing that again."

"Come one! Give me details!"

I pulled the blue fabric over my head, "You don't want to know."

"Did you do it with Dr. Turner? Because that would be like...super kinky."

"No!" I stood up to shove my clothes into the locker.

"Well, he's hot and he obviously has a thing for you."

I rolled my eyes, "No, he hasn't."

"Whatever you say...but if it was me, I'd go for it. Screwing the Chief of Surgery? That will get you to places."

Angrily I spun around to her: "He's _married_ Quinn!"

"Harleen, you're so sweet sometimes." She leaned forward, tying her trainers. "Honestly, how has you naivete not gotten you killed yet?"

"It was the Joker!" I snapped, fed up with her characterization of me. "Ok? I spent the entire night screwing a psychopath, so would you please just let it go?!"

Her mouth had popped open, but she regained her speech very quickly: "Are you _crazy_?! How could you do that?!"

I shrugged my shoulders, pushing the locker door shut: "You said no pain, no gain."

"I meant if the guy's married or arrogant...or smells funny! I didn't mean for you to go and _fuck a killer!_ "

Her harsh words made me flinch. They were my thoughts exactly. They were true. There was a silence between us and that fine by me. But Quinn had other ideas.

She took a deep breath and then asked: "Well...how was it?"

I closed my eyes with an annoyed sigh. I so didn't want to have this conversation right now.

"Is he kinky?" She asked and as soon as that question had left her mouth more followed immediately: "Does he use toys?Is he shaved? How big is his-"

"Quinn!" I yelled in my loudest voice, causing her to jump. "Stop asking me questions. It was good, ok? It was..." I shook my head, "I'm disgusted by myself, but it was amazing. It was..." This was 10 times more humiliating than I had first thought, but I finally admitted: "It was the best sex I've ever had."

"Oh shit." She whispered with a wide grin. "You're in love with him!"

" _What?!"_ Where on earth had she gotten that from?! " _You_ are the crazy one! That is not true! It was just one night."

She raised her eyebrows questioningly, "And now it's over?"

 _Baby, I can promise you: I will_ not _be the one begging._

He'd been so hurt and so sad.

"Yes." I said clearly. "It's over."

Finally the door to the locking room burst open and a male nurse yelled: "We have car-crash victims coming in!"

Quinn and I hurried out of the small room to get to our patients when the nurse calmly said: "Oh no, Dr. Quinn. Not you. Chief Turner wants to see you in his office."

I stopped dead in my tracks, as did Quinn. She looked, shrugged her shoulders and then vanished into the mass of doctors, nurses and patients, leaving me behind by myself.

* * *

Up until this scene I didn't really like Quinn, now I love her, so expect to read more of her :) Thank you for all your messages! Please review!


	4. Killing Me

**Chapter4: Killing Me**

* * *

 _And I'm dying to know, is it killing you  
Like it's killing me?_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Story of Us)_

* * *

A/N: Hi guys! So, this is a first, but I actually forgot to upload? Sorry! You can thank my friend J for reminding me. No pun intended. Her name starts with J :D

Hailey: Shayne is super important for the rest of the story. You'll see why. Thanks for your review :)

* * *

"Time of death – 18:22." Dr. Russel sighed as he looked down at the dead woman. "Such a shame."

It was more than a shame. It was heart-breaking.

"Dr. Quinzel?"

"Yes?"

"Would you tell the family?" His eyes looked so sad behind the surgical mask and since it wasn't possible for my own mood to sink lower, I sighed:

"Yes, Dr. Russel."

He was also head of cardio and very good friends with Dr. Turner, so I just did what he said. Once I was outside of the OR and had scrubbed out I took a deep shaky breath.

Kelly Bennet had been 32 years old. Her daughter Samantha was in the waiting room, she was ten and her little brother Tommy was six years old. Her husband had died of cancer two years ago and now someone had missed a red light and these little children were orphans.

When I stepped into the waiting room I could see that an older woman had sat down beside the two children. I looked at the family with a sinking heart. Maybe my mood could worsen after all.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Bennet?"

She looked up at me with large blue eyes. Her hair was grey, her skin wrinkled and she looked like she had already seen all the bad things the world had to offer.

"My name is Dr. Quinzel. I'm your daughters doctor, could we go somewhere private and talk?"

Tommy was asleep, slumped in his chair, but Samantha was staring up at me with the same blue eyes her grandmother had.

"Is my mum ok?"

"Mrs. Bennet?"

"Sweetie, I'm going to talk to the doctor. You look after your brother, ok?"

The old lady stood up with shaking legs and followed me outside. The hallway was buzzing with people, so I led her into a vacated examination room.

"Your daughter was bleeding internally very strongly and we did everything we could, but then her heart failed and I'm sorry, Mrs. Bennett, but we weren't able to resuscitate. Your daughter has died."

The old womans eyes filled with tears and she whispered hoarsely: "I felt it this morning when I woke up. I knew something horrible was going to happen." Her hand reached up to cover her mouth and she began to sob. "Now they have nobody left! My poor grandchildren!"

"They have you", I reminded her softly, as I hugged her tightly.

She cried against my shoulder, then pulled herself together, wiped her tears and took a deep breath, before she turned around and went back to the children.

My shift was over and I was ready to go home and lie in my bed and wallow in self-pity as I had been doing the entire last week. I missed the Joker and I didn't know what to do against it. I wished I hadn't sent him away and I had no way of contacting him. And he was a psychotic criminal.

And now, a week later I had bought a cat and spent every free minute I had wondering what he was doing and whether he was thinking of me?

"Dr. Quinzel? Would you come into my office, please? I have a matter I need to discuss with you."

I turned around to tell Dr. Turner no, I was not going anywhere with him, but he had already gone into his office and two nurses had seen him ask me. I couldn't _not_ go. He was my boss.

Sighing deeply I followed him.

"Please, take a seat. I just heard that your patient died on the table. Do you need a hug?"

I hated this man so much. Every day he had called me into his office. And the problem was: He always found a reason. On Monday it had been complaints from a patient. On Tuesday complaints from a colleague. On Wednesday he had apologized for only giving me bad news, asking if I was ok. On Thursday he wanted to hear my opinion of Quinn, because he'd been watching her and didn't like the way she spoke to patients. Because she wasn't as kind as I was.

On Friday I was close to loosing it.

"No. I just want to go home."

Dr. Turner stood behind me, running his fingers over my exposed neck. My blood ran cold at his touch.

"The problem is, if the family asks questions and tries to file a lawsuit...whose name will it be on the papers?" His hands left me, as he came around the chair to look at me with an evil: "Here's a hint: It won't be Dr. Russel."

I closed my eyes for a brief second. Threatening my career? Seriously? Enough was enough. I was about to give him a piece of my mind, when he leaned forward and whispered:

"And Dr. Russel hasn't got the means to make this go away. You, on the other hand...you have the right means, Dr. Quinzel."

He wasn't the Doctor of sexual harassment – he was the _Superhero_ of sexual harassment. What he said wasn't necessarily sexual, the way he said it however and the fact that he was staring at my breasts turned the whole thing into something else.

The door opened suddenly and his beautiful wife Susanne came inside. She was a resident here as well and there was something about her that made me shiver. Maybe it was just the fact that she was married to this vile creature.

"What's going on in here?" Her tone was friendly enough, but her eyes...this woman scared the shit out of me and _I'd_ had sex with the notorious Joker – I knew scary.

"Dr. Quinzel lost a patient, Darling."

Her features softened and she stroked some of her brown hair out of her face: "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"I...eh...just wanted to...I was worried about a law-suit", I stammled, straightening my glasses and standing up, "But Dr. Turner here has told me there's no need to worry." He nodded with a glint in his eye.

"So he's all yours now. Bye!" I rushed out of the office, with goosebumps all over my skin. I couldn't tell who had his claws into me deeper: The Joker, because I couldn't stop thinking about him or Dr. Turner because he had me lying for him.

 _Never mind any of it_ , I thought, _I'm going home now_.

I dressed quickly and had just made it out of the hospital, when a familiar voice called me back:

"Harleen!" It was Quinn and it looked like she'd been waiting for me. "There you are!"

"Yeah", I ran my hand through my hair, "I still had to...what's up?"

Quinn, although she annoyed me at times, was my only friend. She didn't know everything going on, but she knew the most and I liked talking to somebody. However...she _loved_ Dr. Turner. Everyone liked him, but she was obsessed. She thought he was the best Chief of Surgery anyone could ask for and the problem was: I couldn't disagree. He was friendly, he always seemed to have time for every little problem we had, he took us seriously...if only he weren't such a pervert.

So I couldn't tell her. It was impossible.

"Let's go and get drinks!" She begged, "It's Friday and you need to leave that flat of yours!"

"I can't." Although a part of me actually wanted to. "I have to go home to my Puddin'."

"I'm sorry – you're what?"

Her confusion made me laugh, as I walked across the parking lot to my car.

"My kitten, I told you about her."

" _No_." She said clearly, "You said you were _thinking_ of getting a cat – _I_ said you needed to get laid."

"Well I did. And now I have a cat."

Quinn closed her eyes and sighed once, loud and dramatically: "Harleen. I'm your friend, right? I mean...you haven't told anyone else about Mr. J, have you?"

"No."

"Ok. Then listen to my advice: Find out where he lives, apologise and tell him you're in love with him. I'm serious. Dating a killer would be healthier than whatever you are doing right now. Just...you know, ask him for a second chance."

I'd given up on saying I wasn't love with him. I was completely in love with him and Quinn knew it.

"No." Now I was the one to say it clearly. "Do you have any idea how pathetic that is?"

"About as pathetic as getting a cat, because you're love-sick. Probably less."

I rolled my eyes and opened my car, "I've always wanted a cat. It has nothing to do with him."

"Right." She didn't believe a word I said, but she knew I wouldn't be coming with her: "Have a nice night, crazy cat lady!"

"I'm not crazy! And it's _one_ cat."

Puddin' was still a tiny little kitten. Black with blue eyes. I loved her so much already, even though I'd only gotten her two days ago. I loved coming home to her.

"Meow!"

"Hey Puddin'!" I cradled her in my arms, pressing my face into her soft fur. "I got held up at work, but I'll feed you right now!"

"Meow."

I sat her down on the floor again and hurried to the kitchen, where I kept her food on the counter. I pressed the button on my answering machine and heard Shayne's voice:

"Hey sis! Just wanted to see how you're doin'. Is Dr. Pervert still giving you a bad time?" I had to smile at his nickname and put the cat food in Puddin's bowl, "I can't get off work yet, but I have vacation time coming up and thought I could come see you and...straighten him out. I'm worried. Call me!"

"Here you go, baby." I set the bowl on the floor and then switched on the radio to hear the news.

"...The body of a 28-year-old woman was found this afternoon, Jeff." One reporter was saying: "She was raped and all of her hair was cut off, just like the other three. This guys a real freak and NYPD are trying their best..."

The phone rang and I reached for it,

"Yeah?"

"Harleen!"

"Shayne", I rolled my eyes, sitting down on the bed, "I'm fine. But you should come and visit me. I need to switch some things around in my apartment."

I also needed a new bed.

"Harleen." His voice was so serious, so sad that I almost dropped the phone. The last time he'd spoken to me like this was when he'd told me about Sharleens death.

"What's wrong?"

"This...this doctor Turner...do you think he's the one who raped Sharley?"

"I..." I was speechless for a moment, "I hadn't thought about it. I don't know...he's too young to have been an attending 10 years ago."

"Well" Shayne sounded excited, "I was thinking about that...what if...what if it wasn't an attending?"

"What do you mean?!" I snapped now. "You're the one, who told me it was!"

"I can't remember!" Shayne called out: "I mean she...she never said who it was. She just said, _he_ raped me. And I...I'm not sure Harleen." His voice had something desperate. "This guy...I mean he's been targeting you, right? Maybe because of your name, maybe he remembers her."

I lied down on my bed with a sigh. Shayne was feeling guilty again and wanted it to be Dr. Turner. He needed it to be over.

"I don't know." I said again. "Dr. Turner's...gross. But he's not a _rapist_.. He's just a regular perv. Does that make sense?"

"I don't know." He sighed now.

"Look, why don-"

"Dr. Quinzel!" A loud voice called at my door and then somebody started knocking.

"Who is that?" Shayne sounded worried.

Knowing my luck lately, it was probably death himself.

"I don't know." I stood up. "Hold on."

When I looked through the peephole I almost dropped the phone in shock of who was standing there.

"Shayne, I'm gonna call you back." I hung up and ripped the door open immediately. He didn't come inside or waste any time in greetings:

"Dr. Quinzel. The boss needs you. He's hurt."

I didn't hesitate for a second and hurried after Johnny to help the Joker. And to finally see him again.

* * *

Please tell me what you think :)


	5. Silence

**Chapter5: Silence  
**

* * *

 _I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how  
I've never heard silence quite this loud_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Story of us)_

* * *

Hailey: You'll see, but I seriously like the way you think!

A/N: Hi guys, I realise I've taken almost a month to upload but things are crazy right now! Uni started and so on...well here you go :)

* * *

He hadn't blindfolded me this time as he speeded through Gotham's Night.

"What happened?"

"A robbery gone bad."

Johnny accelerated and drove over a red light and my heart jumped in my chest. But I couldn't tell if it was in a good or a bad way.

"Because of the police?"

"No." We left the town behind us and I realised I should have figured it out sooner: The Joker didn't live in Gotham City. He lived outside of it. "Some crazy lady group, I've never seen anything like it. Insane bitches." He was muttering to himself now, but I wasn't finished with my questions yet.

"And what happened?"

"Bitches started shooting."

" _Shooting?!_ " I repeated, "Are you _crazy? !_ Why didn't you bring him to the hospital?!"

Johnny gave me a sidelong: _You-serious-right-now-lady?-_ L-look and I blushed. Obviously the Joker couldn't go to a hospital.

"This is serious."

"I wouldn't have called you, if this was a joke." He thought about his words and then added: "No pun intended."

And suddenly I was laughing hysterically, because this situation was so crazy. Because I had wanted to see him all week, because I had longed for him physically, but I was also terrified of seeing him and now he was hurt and needed me.

"He was still conscious when I left." Johnny said casually. "I'm sure he's ok."

I stared out into the night and didn't answer. When we entered the large house it looked different from when I'd seen it the last time. It was tidy and clean and didn't look like it had been robbed.

"He's upstairs." Johnny explained, before I could ask and I hurried up.

It was the same room the woman had been inside. But this patient was hurt worse. I pulled my hair up quickly and hurried to his side.

He was unconscious and bleeding heavily. The shot was in his shoulder and he was bruised all over. He hadn't just been shot. He looked like he was the one who been robbed and attacked.

"What do you need?" Johnny stepped behind me.

"First aid kits. Lots of them. And something to keep him down. Can you tie him to the bed?"

He nodded and I realised I was really starting to like Johnny. If all his criminal friends were like this I could live with him

 _Harley!_ I told myself. _You're not even dating him! Stop thinking about living with him!_

But his penthouse was a nice difference to my one-room-apartment. If only he were a rich superhero, who saved people for a living and raised abandoned kittens as a hobby...

But where would the fun be in that? I was fed up lying to myself: I was in love with the Joker and his insanity was half of his charm.

Johnny returned with two young and frightened looking men who tied down his legs and left arm to the bed. He would probably be in pain. This way he couldn't escape.

I lifted him gently, turning him over slightly. The wound was through and through. That was something, at least I wouldn't have to search for the bullet inside his shoulder.

But I needed to clean this wound and get it closed quickly. Johnny and the two men brought me everything I needed and helped where they could. Although one of the younger ones looked like he was going to pass out any second.

The Joker stayed unconscious during most of my work. Every now and then he would groan or even growl from pain or discomfort and even though Johnny was in the room I would stroke his face, run my hand through his hair and make soothing sounds.

When he sighed: "Harley" I almost burst into tears, but we weren't alone, so I didn't. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his warm head gently and wished more than anything in that moment that I knew his real name.

 _Mr. J_ didn't cut it anymore.

"Puddin'" I whispered the petname that was on my mind anyway and continued to stroke his green hair, "My poor Puddin'. You'll be ok again. I promise."

Johnny stood at the door, unmoving like the guards of the Queen of England and I supposed Mr. J was something of a King for him. But I didn't care that he was here. I had missed him too much to care. I slipped out of my shoes and lied down on top of his blanket, resting my head on the shoulder that wasn't hurt.

"Harley." He muttered as his arms embraced me.

"Puddin'" I sighed, before falling asleep.

* * *

When I awoke, it was still dark outside and he was gone. And my neck hurt. I sat up groaning and wondered for a moment, if I was in my own apartment and had dreamed the entire thing. But then I heard his voice:

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?! What did I say?! I'm pretty sure I did _not_ say get Dr. Quinzel! _I_ remember saying _I don't need a doctor!_ "

He sounded angry.

"Boss. You were bleeding an-"

"A fucking gunshot to the shoulder! That's nothing!"

I opened the door and stepped into the hallway, where he was busy yelling at one of the younger men, who was shaking all over with fear.

"Leave him alone!" I walked straight up to him, trying my best to be fearless. He had _sighed_ my name for crying out loud!

"Oh Dr. Quinzel, how nice of you to join us!" His voice was dripping with sarcasm and there was a hatred burning in his eyes I hadn't seen before. But I didn't back away.

"Do you remember what I said about employees not doing as I say?" And suddenly he was holding a gun in his hand pointing it at the young, shaking man.

"Boss." It was Johnny, who finally came out of one the many rooms into the dark hallway, "He can't help it. It was my call. You needed help. I didn't know which doctor I was supposed to get."

" _Any_ other Doctor!" The Joker shot at him and pointed his gun at Johnny. "You should have gotten a fucking _psychologist_ , Johnny! Anyone but her! Now she knows where I live!" He sighed dramatically, rolling his head back and moving his shoulders, how he did that without feeling any pain, I didn't know.

"Johnny." He said softly, "You're the one who never messes up. You know better."

"Your life was on the line, boss." He said calmly even though the Joker was still pointing his gun at him.

"And you'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?" The clown teased, before turning around to me.

I'll admit: For a split second I honestly thought he was going to shoot me. But then he lowered the gun and glared at me in disgust.

"Johnny. Escort Dr. Quinzel home, _now_."

This just couldn't be happening. I had just saved his life! Or atleast...I'd prevented an infection.

"Are you seriously going to talk about me, as if I'm not here? I can hear you!"

Mr. J, my puddin, moved closer and I found myself pressed up against a wall, his body pressed against mine and his gun at my temple. My eyes bore into his blue ones and I could see nothing but rage in them.

"Feeling ignored, Dr. Quinzel?" He smiled his wicked, joyless and (because there was obviously something wrong with me his) ridiculously sexy smile.

"Stop calling me that." _Call me Harley!_ I thought, _I want to be your Harley again!_

"Baby?" The voice that joined us was a high-pitched one. Somehow it didn't fit to this situation. And the looks to the voice didn't fit either. This girl was tall, blonde, wearing glasses...she reminded me of well... _me_.

What the hell was going on here?!

As if I had said this out loud the Joker pulled back his gun and chuckled: "Ah, Dr. Quinzel, meet my wonderful girlfriend... _Marley_! "

" _Are you fucking kidding me?!"_

Obviously he wasn't. He went to this lame copy cat and kissed her passionately and loudly. While the two moaned into each others mouths I felt overwhelmed with tiredness. Seriously? I had gotten a _cat_ and he had gotten...this? What was wrong with this guy?!

"Johnny!" He swung her into his arms and she squealed loudly, "Take Dr. Quinzel home. Marley and I want to be alone!"

She giggled and I was disgusted by the jealously rising up inside me. What was wrong with _me_?! I followed Johnny wordlessly, hoping more than anything for a good comeback. But what should I have said? I have a cat now? This was so pathetic!

Once inside the car I couldn't hold it together anymore and burst into tears loudly. I'd expected Mr. J's employee to just start the car, but he turned around to me and said in an almost apologetic tone:

"The Boss doesn't handle rejection so well."

I nodded and asked with a small sob: "And he doesn't give people second chances either, does he?"

He shook his head and we both heard the sound of a gun being fired from inside the house. He'd killed the boy. Johnny started the car and except for my sobbing we were wrapped into silence.

* * *

Please tell me what you think! :)


	6. Monsters

**Chapter6: Monsters**

 _Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep  
Before the monsters caught up to you?_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Innocent)_

* * *

Anna: Thank you for your review! Glad Marley was a surprise :)

Hailey: Thanks! Yeah he's kind of desperate :D

all: Thank you all for your kind reviews! There seems to be a lot of hate against Marley :D But you'll see how that goes on :) From now on I'll be posting new chapters every Tuesday!

* * *

"Harleen, I'm so sorry." I had told Quinn the PG-version of what had happened: I'd decided to follow her advice and had contacted him and now he had a girlfriend. Puddin' jumped onto my lap, purring loudly and I stroked her tiny head with a sad smile.

"I swear she looks just like me and he calls her Marley."

"He's a jerk!" She said supportively and I fell back onto my bed with a loud sigh and Puddin' made her way up to my chest, nudging her head against my body.

"I'm not so sure Quinn, maybe I'm the jerk. After all I'm the one who invited him back to my house and then sent him away again."

"Well, he could just grow a pair and get over it!" She snapped and I had to laugh at her bluntness before I admitted:

"Well, he did. He has Marley now."

"He has Marley, because he can't have you, even though he wants you." Quinn explained in a tired tone and then added: "I also think he has her just to smite you."

I rolled my eyes, "Please. He didn't even know I was coming." I sat up straight, poor Puddin' almost fell of me in the process. Quinn was talking, but I couldn't hear what she was saying. What if he had planned the entire thing? Gotten himself shot, arranged for me to come? Just to throw me out and parade his little Harley-wanna-be in front of my eyes?

He _was_ a jerk!

But on the other hand...that would have been a lot of effort and a lot of thought he'd have put in just to make me jealous and somehow that was sweet.

"Harleen? Are you still there?"

"Yeah." I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of these thoughts. "Sorry."

"Did you hear what I said?"

I blushed, "No. Sorry."

She didn't seem to mind. She just jumped right back into her story: "I overheard something today, I didn't want to tell you at the parkinglot, but on the phone it's ok. You know Dr. Turner, right? So the lady Turner? She was talking to that redheaded nurse about her husband and she sounded _pissed_." She paused for dramatic effect and although the name Turner made my stomach turn I gave in and did her the favour of asking:

"Why?"

Afterall she had really been there for me lately.

"Well I didn't hear a name, but apparently there's some doctor who is always in his office and acts all slutty around him..." Quinn giggled: "I swear! She made it sound like her husband needed protection because this insecure young woman was clinging to him and apparently he was all like _no Babe, I swear nothing's going on! She's just really lonely that's all!_ " She laughed again: "I wonder who it is!"

Hot, painful raged stirred in the pit of my stomach. How _dared_ he make it out to be like that?! How dared he say he needed protection? How dared he say I was _clinging_ to him?!

"Harleen?"

"It's probably someone from Peads." I muttered. "Quinn, there's another caller in the line, I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok." She sounded taken aback and without saying goodbye I hung up and threw the phone across the room.

And then, as if he had been watching me a textmessage appeared on my cellphone.

 _Dear Dr. Quinzel, tomorrow, 10 o'clock, my office? I have something HUGE to show you ;-)_

I pressed the phone tightly in my hand so that it hurt. I didn't fling it across the room though. Things had been going wrong a lot lately. I'd messed things up with the Joker and I'd just have to get over him. I'd been blinded by my own desire for revenge for years and had stopped letting people other than Shayne get close to me. I'd become withdrawn after Sharleens death and had turned into a pathetic person. Into a victim. But enough was enough. Tomorrow, my life was changing.

* * *

The police department of Gotham always felt like kind of a joke to me, because they never really seemed to catch any of the bad guys. They just seemed to be waiting around for Batman to do their job.

But my problem with Dr. Turner was a bit too much for Batman to solve so the GPD would have to do. I had called them half an hour ago and was told I could come in and speak to a female detective. I felt empowered by what I was about to do. After stating my name to a young man and my concern I was led into a separate room and shortly afterwards a woman with red hair came inside. Her face was freckled and she looked pretty. Her smile was friendly.

"Dr. Qunizel?"

"Yes." I smiled. "I'm here to file a complaint. I'm being sexually harassed."

She nodded in an understanding way and my courage grew. This was nothing new to her. Sexual harassment was part of her job, of her everyday life. She could take care of this.

"When did it start?"

That was all I needed. I told her everything. About his first day, the ball and the entire last week and I showed her the text message. I knew while I was telling her all of these things that it was enough. He was done, for real this time. The detective had been taking notes while I'd laid out the facts and once I'd finished she looked up at me.

Her smile was gone.

"Dr. Quinzel. With all due respect, I don't think you should go through with this complaint."

"But..." I didn't understand. "I have evidence! And there are witnesses – he keeps calling me into his office!"

"Trust me." A cold look suddenly appeared in her eyes and when she spoke I felt the air in the room change into something colder. "You do not want to press any charges – Doctor."

An ice-cold shiver ran through me as I leaned back, putting distance between her and me. A fake smile was plastered onto her face.

"Susanne and I are very good friends. We've been friends since high school and our husbands play golf together."

My heart sunk. Was this some kind of punishment for hurting the Joker? I had broken his heart, had rejected him and now the entire world was against me? Was this my life now?

"So, Dr. Quinzel, can I help you with anything else?" She smiled up at me and fluttered her eyelashes.

I wanted to kill her.

"No. Thank you, doctor."

I left in a hurry. When I was in the car I started to cry. I hit my steering wheel with both of my hands, sobbing loudly. How I wished I could be someone stronger, how I wished I could have the power to go into that police department and hit everyone. How I wished Sharleen was here.

Maybe it was time to call Shayne. Maybe it was time to leave.

And then what?

How could I give up after all these years? I had spent my entire life getting ready to find Sharleys rapist, had concentrated on becoming a doctor and now one man was making my life miserable and no one was helping me.

I wiped my tears and drove to work. I ignored everyone but my patients. I did my work as best as I could and apparently the entire world hadn't conspired against me, because Dr. Turner didn't call me into his office once.

When I was home I tried calling Shayne, but I wasn't able to reach him. Just as I had finished feeding Puddin' there was a knock on the door. For a split second my heart stopped, because I thought it could be the Joker or Dr. Turner or Johnny. I reached up to touch my hair, because I wanted to look good. If it was the Joker I was done playing games, I wanted to be with him.

"Harleen! Open up!"

I sighed in disappointment and relief at the same time. It was Quinn. When I opened the door I was surprised to find her with her hands full of bags.

"What's all this?"

"This is our girl's night out!" She cried excitedly as she pushed herself past me into the small apartment.

"What?"

Before I could stop her she dropped the bags on my kitchen table and started unpacking makeup, lipstick, eye-liners, mascara and other cosmetic items I wasn't entirely familiar with.

"Sit." She said clearly and I knew I had no other choice but to comply.

Sighing I did what she said. She took off my glasses and went to work: She shadowed my left eye blue and my right one red. Then she applied the mascara and I was surprised at how long my eyelashes were.

The lipstick was blood red.

"Where are we going?"

"Out. Partying."

Apparently the short answers were her thing tonight. She took her hands from my face and handed me a mirror. I had to admit: I liked it.

"And now we're going to curl your hair." She reached up to undo my hair from it's bun and went to work quickly.

When Quinn was finished with her work, I was astonished by how beautiful I was.

"Do you even need these?" She asked as she lifted my glasses from the table and looked through them.

The truth was I didn't really need them. But I was used to them. Instead I said: "I have nothing to wear."

A smile appeared on her face as she reached into the bag lying on my chair. She pulled out a short black dress with glittering stones attached to it.

"I don't think I can wear that."

"I don't want you thinking tonight." Quinn said in a serious tone, which left no room for discussion. "You think too much anyway. Tonight we are screwing the consequences, we are having fun and we won't be thinking about anything. No Joker and no other men, is that clear?"

"What other men?"

"No one." She said in the same tone and handed me the dress. "Get naked."

I rolled my eyes and took the dress to the bathroom to get changed. In front of the mirror I turned my head looking at my face from all sides. I liked this blue and red. And the curls in my hair were nice too. Maybe I ought to think about getting contact lenses.

Obviously there was another man that had made her determined to go out with me tonight. I couldn't imagine she would be so motivated if it were only for my sake.

I put the dress on and went back outside to meet her and was surprised to see that she was wearing the same dress as me in purple. When she saw my expression she shrugged her shoulders casually.

"It's a nice dress."

She handed me a pair of my own black shoes which she had probably taken from my closet.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Dancing." She replied as she put on some red lipstick. "Let's go."

Before I could ask any more questions she turned around and left my apartment. I still managed to grab my keys and then hurried after her.

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" She asked almost innocently.

"Why are we going out tonight? Are you upset?"

Quinn spun around to look at me and I could see a desperate look in her eyes. "Why does everything have to have a reason?! Can't we just go out and have fun just for the sake of it?"

We stared at each other for a long moment and then I finally said: "Fine. But you can talk to me about anything, you know that right?"

"Sure Harleen, I know. Now get into the car."

I didn't ask where we were going, because I had a feeling she wouldn't tell me anyway. It wasn't that I liked staying in. I used to go dancing a lot when I'd been younger, especially after Sharleen's death but somewhere along the line I'd stopped. When we stepped into the club, all eyes were on us. Male and female. There were poles in the middle of the room and I saw girls sliding around on them. But when Quinn made her way to two poles next to each as if it was the most natural thing in the world I gripped her hand.

"Quinn! I'm not stripping!"

She rolled her eyes. "It's not stripping if you're wearing clothes, then it's just pole-dancing. Come on! It will be fun!"

I hesitated.

"Harleen." She muttered. "Seriously – stop thinking."

And that's what I did from that moment on.

* * *

"Bye!" I waved at Quinn, stumbled and laughed hysterically. I wasn't drunk. I was just...happy and maybe even reckless and I'd had a few cocktails. It was amazing how many drinks men bought for a girl when she swinging her hips around a pole. I'd never really thought about it, but pole-dancing was fun and according to all of our viewers I was pretty good at it.

I was still giggling when I unlocked the door to my apartment and when Puddin' meowed loudly I cried out: "Hey Baby! Did you miss me?!"

My amusement faded however, when a male voice answered: "More than you can imagine, my Darling!"

My blood froze. It was him. Dr. Turner was in my apartment. I turned around to the door immediately and that was my mistake. Once I'd turned my back on him he lounged and I was on the floor with him on top of him. He'd grabbed my shoulders and turned me around.

"No!" I cried out, thrashing at him, trying to hit his face.

"So, I heard you had a nice visit to the police department!" The Chief of Surgery backed away from all of my feeble attempts and managed to smack my across the face so hard I felt dizzy for a moment. He began to tear at my dress, allthewhile with a stupid grin on his face.

"Get off me!"

"Make me!" He shot back and suddenly he held a knife in his hand, directly at my throat. "Or I could make _you_ do some things for me..." The monster on top of me cut open my dress, revealing my black lace bra and began to kiss the exposed skin there. I shuddered and tried to push him of me but the knife at my throat prevented me from moving a lot.

When I heard the unmistakable sound of him unzipping his trousers I froze. I knew what was going to happen. He knew it too, he was eager for it to happen. His hand went under my dress, grabbing at my panties to pull them off and I began to cry silently.

He was going to rape me. He was going to have his way with me and there was nothing I could do about it.

 _Harleen!_ I suddenly heard a voice and blinked confused. He hadn't heard it – he was busy fondling me. The voice was familiar. I would have recognised it anywhere. It was my dead sister Sharleen.

 _Fight him. You can do it!_

 _I'm scared._ I thought and sobbed quietly. _He has a knife._

 _Use it!_ She urged. _Use it on him. Come on! You can do it! You have to fight, Harley! No one is going to save you!_

His hand had roughly pushed away the satin of my underwear and was touching the most private part of me. He chuckled, because he thought he had won.

I sat up pushing the knife against him, into his chest.

"Ah!" He yelled out as I stumbled to my feet, reaching for the first weapon I could find: A medical dictionary. I hit him over the head with hit and blood splattered everywhere. I hit him again. And again. And again until he stopped moving.

The book fell to the floor with a thud.

Dr. Turner was dead.

* * *

This was a really hard scene to write. Please tell me what you think! So... if you were Harley who would you ask for help? :)


	7. Lost Your Mind

**Chapter7: Lost Your Mind  
**

* * *

 _I guess you really did it this time  
Left yourself in your warpath  
Lost your balance on a tightrope  
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back_

 _(_ Taylor Swift – _Innocent)_

* * *

Hi guys! I know I said I'd upoad Tuesday-Night, but my laptop and I had some disagreements last night :D But now all is well again. Thanks so so so so so much for all your feedback, they really help me.  
Anna: Me too :)  
"Please" (I realise that's not really your name, but I had to answer): I laughed so hard at your review for being soooooooo...good haha :D Thanks!  
Reader: Thanks and see what she does!  
Guests: Thanks for your reviews! :)

* * *

His blood was everywhere. I stood still for a moment looking at his dead body. Do no harm. That had been our oath. We weren't supposed to do any harm.

He was dead.

"Meow." Puddin came out from her hiding place from under the bed.

There was a dead man in my apartment and I was covered in his blood! I was going to jail! I had just murdered somebody!

"No." I said out loud, still unable to move. "No. It was self-defence." He had attacked me. He had tried to rape me. I needed help. Now.

And suddenly I was laughing hysterically, unable to stop.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" I sunk to the ground laughing uncontrollably and Puddin hid under the bed again.

Because who should I have called? _Hey Quinn, you know the Chief of Surgery, right? The one you like so much? He tried to rape me and I killed him, so...do you want to come over and help me get rid of the body?_

Or Shayne? _Hey big brother! Turns out the just-a-pervert-doctor actually was a rapist afteral! Was. Yeah. I killed him. Do you know what I should do with his body?_

Just as suddenly as my laughing fit had begun, it subsided. I knew who I could ask these questions. I knew who knew how to get rid of a body. I knew who could save me.

Stepping over Dr. Turners corpse I grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I couldn't remember how I got into my car. It felt like I'd blinked and suddenly I was standing in front of his penthouse.

The Joker would be able to help me and if he refused I'd just continue driving. Anyway this ended: I was not seeing that dead body again. I couldn't take it.

I ran up the stairs to the front door and then just barged inside, without knocking.

"Mr. J!" I roared loudly. "Are you here?!"

He had to be here. I couldn't wait this out. In my high heels I stumbled into his living room. It was kind of a funny picture:

The Joker dressed in dark trousers and a purple jacket over his bare chest was standing in his living room, five of his men were standing nearby. They all seemed frozen, looking at me confused.

"There's a corpse in my apartment!" I burst out. "He...he tried to rape me and I killed him." Saying it out loud like this forced tears into my eyes, but I blinked them away. "I don't know what to do."

The six men continued staring at me. My words hadn't helped them with any of their confusion. Some of then shook their heads with blank looks on their faces.

Everyone but the Joker was silent. He stepped forward and called very softly:

"Johnny?"

I had no idea how Johnny had heard this, but the young man came into the living room immediately. I guess if your one purpose in life was to serve a person you always managed to hear their voice.

"Yes, boss?"

"Do you remember how I was not amused about Dr. Quinzel knowing where I live?" He nodded towards me. "These kind of surprise visits are what I meant."

"I'm sorry boss. It won't happen again."

"No it won't." These three words sounded like a threat. There was a silence and all I could hear was my loud breath, until I finally whispered:

"Can you help me? Please?" At the last word our eyes met and I was suddenly reminded of what he had said. How he would not be the one begging. A smile spread on his face and I laughed humourlessly. This was not the begging he had meant.

"Johnny, take the boys to Dr. Quinzel's apartment. There's a situation that needs cleaning up."

In an instant all men left the living room and I was alone with him. I was suddenly overwhelmed with relief, so I sunk into the armchair closest to me.

I closed my eyes. It had been self-defence. An accident. And starting now it had never happened. No one would ever know.

When I opened my eyes again the Joker had come closer to me. He stood right in front of me.

"Take off your clothes."

I was speechless and could only stare up at him open-mouthed. I had just almost been raped and he thought I wanted to have sex with him?!

Mr. J rolled his eyes. "You're basically a walking crime-scene. We need to get rid of the evidence."

We.

I nodded and stood up.

"Come." I was surprised at the gentleness of his tone and even more when he extended his hand out to me and led me up the stairs.

"He was in my apartment when I got home." I said. "He had a knife. He was going to rape me."

The Joker didn't answer. What should he have said? I had just killed a man. When we entered his large bathroom he let go of my hand and said:

"Take of all of your clothes. Including your underwear, we're going to have to burn it. Scrub yourself clean of all his blood and..." His gaze darkened. "Any other traces of him."

I nodded.

"When you're done, there's bleach in the lower cabinette. Make sure to clean the shower thoroughly. Ok?"

I nodded.

"I'll bring you some clean clothes. Leave the door unlocked."

The shower was the only thing I was thinking about. I didn't care about afterwards. I just wanted to feel clean again. I basically scrubbed my skin raw over and over again until I felt like I had truly washed all of the traces of him from me.

When I stepped out of the shower he had put a dark blue shirt, even darker pants and light brown boots out for me. And black underwear.

I almost emptied the bleach in the shower and didn't even find it odd that he had women's underwear and bleach lying around his house. What I had done was part of his everyday life. I was a part of his world now.

I stepped outside into the empty hallway and walked down the stairs quietly. Mr. J was on the phone.

"What?" He sounded confused.

There was a small pause and then the Joker muttered: "Interesting. I'll see you back here." He hung up the phone and turned around to me: "The jobs done."

"Really?" I held on to the bannister tightly, not sure if I could believe his words. A part of me wanted to him to hold me and promise me that everything would be alright. The other wanted him to tell me he was proud of me. However his next remark caused both parts to shut up instantly:

"That would be 20 Million."

" _What?!"_ I screeched. "Dollars?!"

"No. Apples." The Joker rolled his eyes and then snapped: "Of course Dollars!"

"But..." I found myself rendered completely speechless, as I stepped closer to him. "I don't have that kind of money!"

Mr. J did not look happy at all, when he pointed his index finger at me: "Then do not come to me with that kind of problem! _You owe me Harley!_ "

I didn't know what to say, because I supposed I did owe him. But how on earth was I supposed to pay my debt? I hadn't even covered my student loans yet. And I didn't know what to do now. Could I really just go home?

"Do you still need something?" He asked coldly and I realised he was right. I had no reason to stay. The fact that I didn't want to be alone right now didn't count.

"Why?" I snapped. "Got plans with your _girlfriend?_ "

"Yes in fact I have." He smiled without looking joyfully. "Carley should be here any minute."

"Her name is Marley! The least you could do is remember her name!"

Mr. Joker chuckled. "I have a new one."

"Great." I sighed. "Does she look like me too?"

" _No_." He said clearly, but I could tell he was lying.

"Goodbye, Mr. J." I walked towards the door and had almost reached it when he called me back:

"Oh and Harley, my dear? Do not come back here, without my money. You owe me!"

* * *

 **3rd Person POV  
**

* * *

"Hey Boss, there's no body here."

"What?" He was confused. Had the little doctor just tried to get his attention? Well, it had worked...

"Don't get me wrong. Something went on here. There's blood everywhere." Johnny paused. "But this guy survived, boss."

There was a small pause and then the Joker muttered: "Interesting. I'll see you back here."

* * *

Please tell me what you think! :)


	8. What You Know Now

**Chapter8: What You Know Now  
**

* * *

A/N: Hi guys! So there was some kind of problem with the reviews last week, if I didn't answer you, then I wasn't able to read it :( But thanks for all the reviews I was able to see and respond to!  
Also, I uploaded a one-shot called "An Interview with Harley Quinn" and would be really interested in what you guys have to say about it.  
Anna: Thanks so much! 

* * *

_Did some things you can't speak of  
But at night you live it all again  
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now  
If only you had seen what you know now then_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Innocent)_

* * *

" _Today is going to be a splendid day! We're looking at the sun shining all day long! So put on those sunglasses and open the car windows!"_

" _Hey sis, haven't heard from you in a while. Are you ok? How's Puddin'? Janine and I broke up, but I'm ok."_

" _NYPD are doing their best to find the Rapunzel-Rapist, as local media has named him, but last night he struck again. The body of a 25-year-old was found by two construction sites workers this morning. All of her hair had been cut off."_

" _Harleen! How are you?! Wasn't last night awesome?! We should do it again! When are you coming in to work today?"_

" _Dr. Quinzel, this is Dr. Russel. You shift has started 40 minutes ago. Are you alright? When are you coming in?"_

" _Harleen! Something happened! You have to call me back as soon as you hear this ok?! Please!"_

" _Meow! Meow! Meow!"_

" _Harleen! Where are you?! You've got to call me back! It's...it's Dr. Turner somebody attacked him and he's here in hospital and...Harleen! Please!"_

I sat up in bed for the first time in hours. Ever since I'd come home, I had lied down on my bed and just stared up at the ceiling. My thoughts had been the same for hours: My screams. His face. His blood. His dead body. And then over and over again: It was self-defence. It was self-defence. It was self-defence. It was self-defence.

It wasn't like I had enjoyed killing him. He had attacked me. I had fought back.

But a part of me had liked it very much. I had been the stronger one for once. I had finally stood up for myself. I'd overcome my attacker, overcome my trauma in a way Sharleen had never been able to. I had done more than survived. I had won.

But why did I feel like crap then?

 _Do you still need something?_

 _Carley should be here any minute._

I groaned and then shot up, causing dizziness. Quinn's last message! She had said Dr. Turner was in hospital? He was alive? I stumbled out of bed and towards the phone. My cell had 17 unanswered phone calls most of them from Quinn.

"Hello?!" She yelled into the phone after it had rung once.

"Quinn." My voice shook. "What happened?"

"Oh Harleen!" She started to sob. "He just stumbled into the hospital, someone stabbed him and his head...he's in surgery, but he might be blind!"

I took a deep shuddering breath: "Dr. Turner? He's in hospital right now? He's not dead?"

"No!" Quinn laughed relieved inbetween her tears now. "No thank God he's not. Sorry for my hysterical messages...where _are_ you?"

"I'm home, but I think somebody slipped me a roofie last night."

"What?!" She cried out.

"Yeah." I groaned. "I was completely knocked out until right now."

"But...but we were together all night! And we never let our drinks out of sight!"

"I know." I put the phone on speaker and started to get undressed from the clothes Mr. J had given me last night.

"Are you coming to the hospital? We need to do some tests!"

I looked at my reflection with an annoyed glance. My plan had been to stay away from the hospital not be drawn to it. My lie was starting to catch up with me, but what should I have done? Tell the truth?

"I already took my own blood." I lied and pulled a new red shirt over my head. "I'm on my way to the police station right now to make a report."

"Oh ok." Quinn was so upset because of Dr. Turner I probably hadn't even needed to tell her this lie. "Can you imagine what could have happened? You might have been raped."

"Yeah." I muttered. "I know."

I stepped onto something and there was a breaking sound. When I bent down I saw my glasses were on the floor, broken. They must have come of in the struggle last night. I hadn't even noticed it.

"I'll tell Dr. Russell what happened and I'll call you as soon as there's news!"

"Thanks." I hung up and threw the phone across the room, before screaming and throwing around chairs, the table and anything else I could find. By the time I was finished I was on the floor and out of breath and everything I owned was on the floor in pieces.

"Meow." Despite everything the tiny kitten came over to me and climbed onto my lap, rubbing her nose against me.

I stroked her head.

If Dr. Turner talked I was going to jail for attempted murder. I had no evidence that he had attacked me. That it had been self-defence. Besides, evidence or not: I was screwed. Everyone in this city believed him.

I stood up and prepared Puddin's meal. The poor thing hadn't eaten anything all day. By the time I was in the car it was dark out.

I was going to kill him. He dared to charge me, even though his boys had done nothing but clean away some blood?!

I didn't even knock this time, as I stalked inside the penthouse, yelling in my loudest voice:

"Mr. J! Come here right now!"

They were all in the living room again, but none of them seemed confused or even surprised.

"Dr. Quinzel!" He sounded amused, actually amused. "How nice of you to join us!"

He wore dark trousers and a green shirt, which as always was open, revealing his tattoos.

"How could you do that to me?!"I snapped getting right to the point. "Why the hell are you so fucking messed up?!"

Mr. J began to laugh and that wasn't what sent me over the edge. What did it was the fact that some of his men began to chuckle. The one closest to me was a young guy with brown hair, who was grinning happily. His gun was stuck in a holster at his hip.

My own agility surprised me, as I pulled the gun out, stepped forward and held the gun pointed to the Jokers temple in one swift movement.

Now all the men sobered up instantly. Except for Mr. J. The fact that I held a gun to his head seemed to be the funniest thing he'd seen in a while, because he was chuckling nonstop.

"Hahaha...look at you, sweet little Harleen playing with the big guns." I held his gaze, determined to not let him ridicule me.

"Boss." Johnny stepped forward, gun pointed at me.

"Relax, boys!" The Joker laughed. "Dr. Quinzel and I need some time alone, so just...go and masturbate or whatever it is you do in your free time."

None of them laughed at his comment or moved a muscle. Johnny wasn't the only one pointing a gun at me. But I didn't care. I kept my eyes locked with his.

"Boys. Leave." This time his voice had changed to something stricter and slowly the men pulled their guns away and even slower they left the room.

"Are you going to drop the gun, so we can talk like two nomal people?"

"You're not normal." I pushed the gun harder against his skin and something lit up in his eyes, but I knew it wasn't fear. It was anger.

"And what exactly is it that has you so upset?"

"You know what it is!" I snapped and the gun shook in my hand. "He's alive! You did absolutely nothing to help me!"

"Well hold on now, that's not true." The Joker held up his hands defensively. "It's my not my problem that you weren't able to kill this guy properly. You wanted your apartment cleaned and that's why I provided."

"It shouldn't cost me 20 million for your boys to wipe away some blood!"

"Hey." He said in a sad tone. " _My boys_ put a lot of effort into cleaning your mess up, you should appreciate that."

I shook my head, unable to understand how he could be making jokes now.

"He tried to _rape_ me and you just...you let me believe he was dead and I was safe!"

A hard look appeared in his eyes now and although I was the one holding a gun to his head I knew he was the one who had the entire control of the situation.

"Well, Dr. Quinzel I don't see how any of this is my concern. I am not your boyfriend, I don't have to care." I was speechless and he used this to continue: "If I remember correctly you were the one who sent me away, so what exactly do you want from me? You're obviously not going to kill me."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do." He stepped closer, forcing me to take some steps back, but I managed to keep the gun steady, although my hand began to shake some more. "Just like I know the thought of me having girlfriends keeps you up at night."

"Would you get over yourself?!" I snapped. "I rejected you, remember?"

"I do." He admitted with a flirtatious smile. "And yet you continue to come here. Like a moth drawn to the flame."

 _He's a psychopath,_ I told myself, _he's manipulative._ But he was _my_ psychopath. And he was being manipulative for _me_. And his eyes were just so...blue and perfect...My heart raced in my chest and the gun in my hand grew heavier with each moment.

"You regret rejecting me, don't you?" His breath tickled my face and I tried hard to keep up any kind of composure.

"Yes." It was barely a whisper and more of a surrendering sigh.

Mr. J leaned in closer and his lips barely touched mine when he whispered: "It was only one girl, I made Carley up."

The gun fell to the ground with a thumping sound, when it hit the carpet and our lips crashed together into a wild kiss. He made some sort of growling sound and I lost myself in him completely. Nothing else mattered in that moment anymore. The entire Dr. Turner-Drama didn't matter, Sharleen's rape didn't matter, Shayne's troubles didn't matter. I was falling, fast and hard and beyond reason. I was falling deeply in love with him.

The kiss ended too quickly and while I was still trying to catch my breath I suddenly felt a burning pain in my left cheek and my head flew to the side.

He had hit me.

"Never point a weapon at me again, Harley."

Well, he was calling me Harley. It was something. I rubbed my cheek and then took a deep breath.

"So...what now?" I asked carefully, as I looked up at him. His face wasn't entirely red, but I could tell he was flustered from our kiss too.

"Now, you leave and don't come back. I'm not sure why this concept is so hard for you to grasp."

"I... _what?!"_ I tussled my hair in frustration. "You said...you just _kissed_ me!" And that kiss had been so clear: He was falling in love with me too!

"You _rejected_ me!" He snapped, stepping closer in a fast motion, obviously trying to scare me, but we were so over that. Whether it was my feelings for him or the experiences of the past week I wasn't sure, but somewhere along the line I had become fearless. "You may have feelings for me Harley and I do too, but how do you think this will go on? You're sooooo..." I wasn't sure if he was looking for the right word or he was making a dramatic pause, because he used the one word he had to know would hurt me: " _good_." He chuckled. "You're a surgeon for crying out loud and you will always reject me and I just...I haven't got the patience to put up with someone, who's only in it for the thrill."

I shook my head hectically. "I'm not in it for the thrill. I'm in it for you! I'm all in!"

He tilted his head to the side and studied my interested. "Really, well... question: Would you die for me?"

"Yes." I said honestly, because I had nothing left to lose anyway.

An amused smile appeared on his face. "That's too easy." He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, musing before he asked: "Would you...would you live for me?"

I needed just a split second, to think about what he was proposing before I calmly said: "Yes." I wanted to live for him. I wanted to be part of his world.

"Careful." He warned lifting his index finger at me, as if I were a child in need of correction. "Do not make this oath _thought_ less _ly_." Mr. J stepped closer and covered my mouth with his hand, so that I was wearing his tattooed grin. "Desire becomes surrender. Surrender becomes power." He took his hand away again, stroking my bottom lip. "Do you want this?"

"I do."

I was ready. I would give up everything to be with him. Tonight, I realised, as I looked into his eyes, my life as Harleen Quinzel was over.

"Say it." He demanded and when I didn't understand what he meant quickly enough he muttered: "Say it. Say it. Pretty, pretty, pretty..."

And here it was. The moment when he wouldn't be the one to beg.

"Please." I whispered.

I was ready to jump of a building for him in that moment. Heck I would gladly have thrown myself into a pool of burning chemicals. I knew what oath I had just said. I had looked into his soul in this moment and I knew him better than myself. That's why I wasn't surprised when he stepped back and coldly said:

"No."

* * *

I cried the whole way home. This was his ultimate punishment for me: He got me to admit my own feelings for him, he got me to get my hopes up and then he turned around and left me by myself. Before I got out of the car I called Quinn and told her that I had once and for all lost all my chances with the Joker.

She was very confused, because she'd thought I'd spent the evening at the police department and not at Mr. J's place. And she also very confused due to my constant sobbing and the fact that none of my hysterical blabbering seemed to make any sense at all.

After asking me four times if she should come over and making me promise not to do anything "stupid" we hung up. I stayed seated in the car for another 30 minutes, before finally going upstairs. The only reason I did so was Puddin'. My poor kitten had been through enough trauma, she needed me.

The second I was inside the apartment I was jumped by a woman, wearing one of those Scream-killer-masks.

"Get of me!"

There were five of them. They didn't speak and were all dressed in black sweatpants and black blouses. Everywhere I looked I saw the scary face.

"No!"

Two of them wrested me to the floor, as I tried my best to fight them off.

"What do you want from me?!"

There was no answer and I was suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of vanilla. One of these women was wearing a heavy load of perfume. I felt sick.

"Who are you?!"

It all went so fast. Suddenly I saw a flash and a knife came down towards me.

"No!"

"Meow?" Puddin', brave and fearless came running towards us.

"Puddin'! No!"

The most horrible sound I had ever heard went through the room as one of the women sliced the tiny kitten open and she began wailing in a high-pitched tone.

"No! Puddin'!"

But Puddin' was no more. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the bloody fury animal on the side of the room.

And then there was pain everywhere. I tried fighting them off, but there were too many of them. Three of them held me down, as the other two cut my wrists.

"Poor Dr. Quinzel ended her life, because no one in the entire world loved her!" One of them hissed. I didn't know her voice. They cut open my wrists with many tiny movements and I yelled out in pain.

Darkness surrounded me. I could only make out her silhoutte, but Sharleen came to me.

"Harley!"

"I tried." I whispered. "I really did."

"I know Sweety. It's ok. I'm here. Just let go."

"I'm sorry."

"I know." She said softly, as I closed my eyes.

Well what do you know? It _was_ my last day as Harleen Quinzel. My life was over.

 **3rd Person POV**

The Joker sat polishing his knives. Usually this calmed him down and made him be in a good mood. But since last night he'd been unable to lift his spirits.

"Should we go to the club?" Johnny asked.

"No. The club bores me."

In all of his years as the Jokers right-hand-man Johnny knew how to put on a poker-face. But he was surprised indeed. The club never bored his boss. In fact he couldn't remember the last time the Joker had said he'd been bored. Maybe never.

"Do you think I was too strict?" The infamous clown mused.

"I don't know, Boss." But he knew exactly who he was talking about: Dr. Harleen Quinzel.

"She looked like she was close to crying." He sighed dramatically. "Normally I _like_ it when people cry."

Johnny contemplated his boss' words. He knew and he had known for a long time that the pretty doctor was something special. He'd watched the Jokers behaviour change since she had been pulled into his life. He'd watch him try his best to provoke the young woman and he supposed that was his way of showing love or at least a feeling in that direction.

"Would you like to call her? Or drive by her apartment?"

"No!" The clown of crime stood up from his armchair suddenly. "She will just have to be a big girl and get over me!"

It wasn't the first time that Johnny kept his opinion to himself: That it wasn't Dr. Quinzel who needed to get over him, but he the one who needed to get over her.

There was knock on the door and one of the younger men stepped inside:

"Boss. There's a lady here for you."

Smiling the clown turned around. "See, I don't need to _call_ her – she keeps on coming back here!"

He chuckled happily and Johnny followed. A happy Joker was better than a bad-tempered one. But a certain apprehension was a part of his everyday life.

"Who are you?!" Mr. J did not sound amused and Johnny frowned.

The young woman sitting on the couch in the living room wasn't Dr. Quinzel. She was young and blonde too. But she was shaking with fear.

"Mr...Mr. Joker?" She asked in a timid voice.

"Yes." Johnny knew this tone. This girl was in serious danger. The Joker was annoyed with her and his gun was just in his reach.

"My name is Quinn. And I'm friends with Harley and..." The young woman suddenly began to sob and Johnny tensed. Crying wasn't something that usually helped in these kind of situations. If he was annoyed shutting up was usually the best take.

"And what?!"

"And she tried to kill herself last night!" Quinn cried out. "I think she did it because of you! When I found her in her apartment this morning she was barely alive and last night she was upset because of the fight you two had..."

"She tried to _kill_ herself?" The Joker muttered and sank into the sofa next to the hysterical young woman. "Because of me?"

Johnny had been around for many moments of the Joker. Happy ones. Angry ones. Impatient ones. But shocked? Never.

Yet here the green-haired man sat, deep in shock and surprise.

"I think it would really be good for her, if you visited her." Quinn continued, sniffing. "I had no idea how messed up she was. I think...I think she needs you, Mr. Joker."

The Joker looked up at those words at his most loyal worker.

"I might have been too strict with her." He muttered. There was a moment of silence in which he thought about his next course of action, until he finally said:

"Johnny, bring the car around. We're going for a ride to the hospital."

* * *

I realise, if I say it myself it sounds arrogant, but I LOVE this chapter. Seriously it's my second favourite one. My favourite one will come next week :) Please tell me what you think :)


	9. Fall

**Chapter9: Fall**

A/N: Hi guys! I'm so sorry I took so long to update! Tuesday didn't work out this week. But for that this one is a bit longer. This is my favourite chapter, so I can't wait to hear what you guys have to say. Thank you for each review and message, it means so much to me. I love you guys, seriously.

* * *

 _We were built to fall apart  
And fall back together (back together)_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Out of the woods)_

* * *

When I opened my eyes I was confused by the brightness. Was I dead? Where was Sharleen?

The smell came to me first. Disinfectant. And then there were the sounds. The dripping of the IV. The beeping of the machines.

I was in hospital.

"Dr. Quinzel?" It was a male nurse. "How are you feeling?"

I looked up at him with a glare. It was the second time in two days that I had been attacked in my own home. Obviously I felt like shit. What an idiot!

"Would you like something to eat?"

"No." My voice was hoarse. "Water."

He handed me a cup and I emptied it in one go. Still feeling fuzzy I was sure I misheard when he said:

"The psychologist will be here in a moment. Is that alright?"

"The what?" I shook my head and my vision swam before my eyes. That hadn't been my best idea.

"The psychologist." He repeated as if this was a completely normal term.

For a moment we looked at each other and then I asked again:

"The what?"

The nurse closed his eyes for a moment and then looked at me with just a hint of annoyance. But he got a grip on himself and patiently explained:

"Dr. Quinzel. You tried to commit suicide. You need to see someone about this."

"I...what?" I sighed confused. Where was the police? I had been attacked! Didn't they get that?! But then again, the police in this town was corrupt. Talking to them would do me no good. Honestly maybe speaking to a psychologist wasn't such a bad idea.

"He says he knows you. You were his patient before."

I shook my head. "I've never been to a psychologist."

The male nurse looked at me in a way that made anger flare up inside of me. He looked at me as if I was crazy. As if I was out of my mind, because I couldn't remember whether or not I'd been a patient of psychiatric care before!

"He'll be here any moment." The nurse promised and squeezed my arm tenderly. As if I needed comfort.

Idiot.

When I was alone I fell back into my pillow with a loud sigh. Great. I had no idea how I was supposed to get out of this situation again. How on earth had I survived in the first place? And who was the psychologist who said he knew me? Could I trust him? So far I hadn't been able to trust anyone here.

Except for the Joker ironically enough. Our conversation came back to me and I was overwhelmed with a sudden longing of him visiting me. I wanted someone here I could trust.

There was a knock on the door and I sat up.

"Yes?" I was surprised by how weak my voice sounded. After everything it was time for me to grow strong, wasn't it? Couldn't I become fearless after everything that had been done to me? How had I not been pushed over the edge yet?

The door was pushed open and a man I knew all to well came inside. His blue eyes were unmistakeble of course. But he had coloured his green hair black and hadn't gelled it back completely. Honestly, it looked like he had more hair. And he was wearing full clothing: A blue shirt to bring out his eyes and dark trousers and a white doctors gown. He wasn't showing of his tattoos and the _damaged_ on his forehead had vanished too. His face wasn't unnaturally pale anymore. He must have a ton of make-up on his face.

"Good morning, Dr. Quinzel." He smiled revealing not metallic, but perfect white teeth. "My name is Dr. Jahasapeemapetilonda but you can just call me Dr. J."

I was speechless.

"Well. How are you today?"

I shook my head dumbfounded. "How did you make your teeth so white?"

He ignored my question and sat down on the chair beside my bed. He had a clipboard with him and everything. And a staff card...with a picture!

"Ok, _how_ did you get that ridiculous name on there?!"

Again he ignored me. "How are you feeling today, Dr.?"

"Are you going to answer any of my questions?"

"Is it ok, if I call you Harley?" He asked now and amusement shone in his eyes and I found myself blushing as I remembered the first time he had asked me this question. "It helps me to connect with my patients better, if I can talk to them on a firstname basis."

Alright. If he was going to stick to this role then I supposed I had no other choice, but to go along with it.

"Yes, Dr. J that's fine."

If he was happy about my decision to go along or not I couldn't really tell, because he took notes on his clipboard.

"So." Dr. J said in all earnesty. "Let's talk about last night. I heard you had an argument with your boyfriend, is that correct?"

My heart jumped in my chest at that word and kept my gaze locked with his. Boyfriend?

"I'm not sure." I admitted. "We haven't really defined our relationship."

"But there was an argument?"

"Yes." I said clearly. "It was pretty intense."

"How so?" He leaned forward and the only thing missing from his outfit were glasses he could push up his nose to feign interest.

"Well, he hit me."

"I'm sure you deserved it." He said so matter-of-factly and that caused me to laugh, because this entire situation was so absurd. "How did you feel after this argument, Harley?"

All the amusement had faded from me now, as I answered: "Like I was lost. And sad."

For a brief second a silent gaze passed between us and I wondered if he had felt the same way. But my senses came to me quickly and I highly doubted it. "I felt like I had missed a once-in-a-life-time-chance and would never find my way back."

"And what happened then?" He asked.

Finally I understood what was going on.

"You think I tried to kill myself?" I asked. Seriously? Yes, I had been desperate and upset, but not _that_ upset...

"Harley, I will be the one asking questions. Now, tell me. Have you ever tried to commit suicide before?"

We looked at each other and I felt lost in his blue eyes. This was his way of giving me a second chance. And he was the only person in this entire messed up world I felt like I could trust. So I decided to be honest.

"Yes."

"How old were you?" I couldn't read his reaction. His Poker Face was absolutely flawless, but I wanted to believe he was surprised.

"I was 16."

"Why did you do it?"

"Because my sister had killed herself and I wanted to be with her." As I said these words I began to feel ill. Those women...they had known too much about me.

Dr. J couldn't have known what I was thinking, but he asked the right question: "How did you try to commit suicide back then Harley?"

"I cut my wrists." Just like they had.

"And last night..." He continued. "You wanted to be with someone as well?"

"With you." I admitted. "But I didn't try to commit suicide."

He leaned forward now obviously intrigued. "So it was just a cry for help then?" The amusment shone in his eyes, but I had lost my interest in this game of his. These women had attacked me. Whoever they were they had wanted me dead.

"No. I didn't try to kill myself at all. I was attacked." I explained. "By a group of women."

Finally I got him to drop his doctor act, as his mouth dropped open in surprise and he then asked: "Are you shitting me right now, Harley?"

I shook my head hectically. "I swear that's what happened, Puddin'. Th-" I stopped midsentence as the memories of my sweet kitten came back to me.

"What?" He asked annoyed that I hadn't continued.

"They killed her." I whispered and tears burned in my eyes. "They killed my Puddin'."

Mr. J cocked his head to the side and then looked up at my IV. "What are you on?"

I rolled my eyes and wiped away the tears that had escaped my eyes. "My kitten was called Puddin and the women that attacked me killed her." Her loud wails still echoed in my ears and I didn't even try to stop my tears this time.

I wasn't sure what I had expected, whether he felt pity for a little cat, but I hadn't expected him to be offended:

"You named me after your _cat_?!"

"I gave you the nickname of my pet which meant a lot to me." I said clearly and didn't add that he had no right to complain, if he didn't tell me his real name. "Anyway. The women were already in my apartment, when I came home. There were five of them, they cut open my wrists."

"Were they wearing masks?"

My heart stopped in my chest as I drew in a loud breath. But what had I expected? He was _The Joker_ for crying out loud! I couldn't speak, as stared at him wide-eyed. Mr. J interpreted my silence correctly, as he snapped in an annoyed tone:

"I didn't send them after you, Harley!"

I closed my eyes in relief for a minute. He hadn't done this to me. He was here now. This could work.

"Those were the bitches that shot me." He muttered, trying to make sense of all of this. "I hadn't taken care of that yet."

I shivered under the hospital covers. "Do you think they've been watching us?"

"Maybe." He finally put the stupid clipboard aside and then shook his head. "We're not...how would they even know that you were the way to get to me?"

I tried to hide my smile. _I_ was the way to get to him! While one part of me was ready to giggle with glee and happiness, the other was terrified.

"Maybe they're not related." I said. "Maybe they have something to do with Dr. Turner...oh no!" I shot up in bed. "I completely forgot about him! I can't be in the same hospital as him! You can get me out, right?" I started to pull at my IV and he was at my side in seconds, holding my hands steady.

"Relax, Baby. He's not here. They sent him away." I sighed at the relief of these news and at the soft touch of his hands on mine.

"But you can get me out?" I asked hopefully.

"That _was_ the plan..." He brushed away some stray hairs from my face. "But I think you're safest here, honestly Honey that apartment of yours is a death-trap."

His insult to my housing and the fact that he called me Honey made me laugh.

"So what does the Doctor recommend?"

"Well..." He flipped himself onto the bed, on top of me, with one leg on each side of my body. "In my expert opinion I would recommend a lot of sex."

I had to giggle underneath him. "Really?"

"Yes absolutely. And you should definiteily stop wearing clothes. They are unhealthy for you, just...leave them off."

I laughed again and he pressed his lips against mine eagerly. I sighed and ran my hand through his hair, as he began making purring sounds. I didn't care that anybody could walk in at any moment. I never wanted to stop kissing him, I never wanted to be apart from him again.

But Mr. J stopped kissing me and straightened up, climbing of the bed again.

"I need to call Johnny, I left him alone with your friend and I'm not sure he can handle her." He frowned. "She talks a lot."

"You mean Quinn?" I asked surprised. "How do you know her?"

"She came to me." He explained in a bored tone, as if I should have caught on by now. "She told me you tried to kill yourself and that I should come and see you."

At his words a warmth spread from my stomach up to my chest. "And you came." There was a silence before I whispered. "Are we going to try this? Even if I didn't try to kill myself because of you?" I paused and then added: "Even if I'm a surgeon?"

Mr. J leaned forward and peered into my eyes. I wasn't sure what he was seeing, but I was seeing this: I had held a gun against his head, he had lied about Dr. Turners death, I had been willing to give up everything for him and he had dismissed me just to hurt me. He had pretended to have girlfriends to upset me.

And yet all I wanted was him.

He was insane, actually clinically insane and a murderer and ruthless.

And I was falling in love with him.

My Puddin' leaned in once more and pressed his lips against mine in a gentle, almost careful manner and I knew he had seen the same things I had.

We were both falling in love with each other.

"Quinn said your place was a mess."

I blushed. "I kind of had a tantrum after I found out Dr. Turner was still alive."

A grin spread on his face. "Interesting."

"Could you tell your boys to clean it up?"

"They're already on it." He promised. "I'll stop by there on my way home. Do you need anything?"

I shook my head and then whispered: "Would you bury Puddin'? And not just throw her away?"

The struggle was readable in his eyes. He was The Joker, he wasn't going to go along and plan a kittens funeral. But _I_ was the way to get to him.

"I'll have Johnny do it."

"She tried to save me." I whispered and was suddenly overwhelmed by how tired I was. "She tried to attack them and they killed her."

Mr. J leaned down and kissed my head gently. "I'll come by later again. Don't tell anyone that you were attacked. We don't want the police getting involved."

"The police!" I shot up, wide awake and managed to whack my head against his.

"Ow!" He snapped. "Seriously, Harley what on earth are you on?!"

 _Trust me. You do not want to press any charges – Doctor. Susanne and I are very good friends. We've been friends since high school and our husbands play golf together._

"I went to the police the day Dr. Turner attacked me and there was a police woman and she sent me away she said she was friends with the Turners and that I shouldn't press charges and she must have been one of them!" I was stumbling over my words, trying to get them out as quickly as possible.

"You told her he tried to rape you and she sent you away?"

I held back my comment that he had done the same thing and explained: "No it was before when it was only harrassment."

"What's her name?" He asked coldly.

"I don't know." I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "She had red hair."

"I'll find her." Mr. J promised. "You stay here and rest, ok? I'll see you later."

I didn't want him to go. I didn't want to be alone. It must have been written all over my face, because he leaned down and kissed me deeply.

"I'll be back Harley, I promise." He whispered.

"Do you really think it's safe here?" I whined. "Can't you have me discharged instead?"

"I'll have to take care of the bitches first. But Dr. Jahasapeemapetilonda will make sure you get the best treatment."

"How long did you need to learn that name off by heart?"

"It's my name Harley, I didn't need to learn it." He said back in his role.

"How did you come up with it? And how did you get people to take it seriously?"

Now he went to the door. "I'll send Quinn to you and I'll be back, when I have news about those cunts."

I leaned back in my pillows and when I quietly said: "Bye Puddin'" he stopped for a moment and then left the room. Although we had said so many things in-between the lines and directly I knew it was these two words and this nickname that made him see how serious I was about us.

There was no turning back.

* * *

 **3rd. Person POV**

Johnny had a bad headache. He wasn't sure how he felt about the females joining him and his boss. That Quinn talked to much. She couldn't stay. Harleen on the other hand wasn't such an annoyance for him. He liked her.

The Joker was back to his usual appearance again and had left the role of the doctor behind him. He hadn't seen his boss this angry in a long time. He was good at hiding it, but Johnny was better at reading him.

The exasperated sighs that escaped his lips every now and then. The curling of his fists and narrowing of his eyes.

It hadn't been hard to find the redheaded police woman. Her name was Yvette Carrow and she was married to Harold Carrow. Both were 32 and they had no children. After burying the stupid cat he'd taken two of the younger boys to Harolds house. They were in luck, he was a IT consultant who worked from home. He'd explained the situation to the newbies and let them beat the guy half to death. He himself had filmed the violence with a sense of...pride or something of the other. These guys got the deal, they just did the job. It was nice to see new people he and the boss could rely on.

But talking to Yvette was a too important job. It was something the Joker only trusted him with.

"Did you bury the cat?" His boss asked now from the drivers seat.

"Yes boss."

"I hate cats."

Johnny smiled. "I know."

"I'm glad it's dead." He paused and then added in a surprised tone: "Harley was pretty upset though."

Johnny tried to hide his smile. The Joker and human emotions were always fun to watch. He was like a child trying to understand advanced mathematical processes. He was fascinated by them and yet couldn't quite understand the concept.

They stopped the car at the police station and waited. The husband was calling her right now, begging her to come home that something had happened. They would just wait for her to come rushing out and then strike.

Right on time the door opened and the redhead came hurrying down the stairs in a nervous stance. The Joker smiled joylessly and nodded at Johnny, who got out of the car and had the police officer in a locked grip and a gun at her head in seconds.

"Let go of me!" She struggled in the backseat and the Joker slammed down on the gaspedal, so the car sprung forward.

There was some screaming and kicking until Johnny rammed a needle in her arm and the officer went down with a sigh. The Joker turned the music up and began whistling to the music as he drove home.

Yvette Carrow had no idea, but starting now her life was going to be very different.

* * *

 **Harley POV**

"Johnny is so handsome! And I really think we connected..." Quinn grinned and reached for my pudding. "You're not eating this are you?"

I shook my head and let her have it. She had come by about an hour ago and had brought me my toothbrush, some clothes, shampoo and because she was Quinn she had also brought some chocolate.

"Do you think Johnny, the Joker, you and I could go on a double date sometime?"

"I don't know." I muttered, rubbing my head. I still felt so tired.

"Are you ok?" Quinn asked immediately going into a surgeon-mode and coming towards me with her small light. But I wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to check, it wasn't like I'd had brain surgery.

"I'm tired."

"Well you lost a lot of blood." She shifted uncomfortably. We hadn't actually spoken about what had happened and I agreed with Mr. J. I didn't want to put Quinn in any danger or myself. It was better to keep it quiet.

"I know why you did it Harleen." She said in a surprisingly serious tone.

"You do?"

She nodded. "The night we went out and someone slipped you a roofie...that really upset you didn't it?"

That lie had really come in handy, I hadn't expected it to.

"Yeah, I...I don't know what happened that night and then after arguing with Mr. J I just...I lost it."

Quinn nodded as if she understood. "And you didn't really want to kill yourself did you? I mean...you left the door open, right?"

"Yeah." I lied. "I just...I don't know Quinn. I was hysterical. I'm sorry."

"I'm just so glad you're ok!" She jumped up and hugged me tightly, which surprised me and I hugged her back awkwardly.

"Thanks for finding me and going to Mr. J."

"You're welcome!" She squealed and then sat down on the chair beside my bed again. "So you and Mr. J...you're together now?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "We are."

"And how's that going to work?"

"Quinn..."

"What?" She asked offended. "It's just a question."

"It _will_ work." I said clearly. "And I'm happy, can we just leave it at that?"

She sighed dramatically. "Yeah, ok."

"What's with you?" I asked, sitting up in bed. "The night we went out you were upset. Because of a guy."

She sighed once more, although not that dramatically, but more seriously now.

"It's stupid. I...I met someone online and he seemed great and we met up and...well he was really weird." Her eyes grew wide and she wore a look I knew all too well. It was fear.

"Why?"

"I don't know." She shifted in her seat. "There was something about him...he reminded me of you, actually, you have similar eyes, but the way he talked and...I don't know Harleen. I can't explain it. It's just every time he said something I just..." She shivered. "He was really sexual, but not flirting more like...creepy. It was just weird and I needed to go out. That's all."

"I'm sorry. You should have told me."

Quinn nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm really hung up on Dr. Turner. I know he's married..." She blushed. "But I just have such a huge crush on him. It's ridiculous!" She buried her head in her hands and I wondered if I should tell her the truth, but then she said: "He's gone now anyway. It doesn't matter."

"Where is he? Have they already released him?"

She shook her head sadly. "His wife took him home and wants to take care of him there. He hasn't woken up yet." I could see how hard she was struggling to keep her tears at bay. "Who would do something so horrible? Who would hurt him like that?"

I avoided her eyes by leaning back against my pillows and closing my eyes. "I don't know."

"You're tired." She said in an apologetic tone. "I should probably go."

"No." I said and opened my eyes again. "Stay. I don't feel like being alone right now."

Quinn giggled in a high tone. "You miss him, don't you?"

"Yeah." I blushed deeply, feeling more like a 13 year old girl than I ever had.

"Harleen?" She asked me in a sudden serious tone.

"Yeah?"

"Will you promise...next time you're in such a bad place...can you promise that you'll call me before hurting yourself?"

It had taken me this long to see how much of a good friend Quinn was for me. Yes she was loud and annoying at times and she asked too many questions, but she truly was my friend. Even though I hadn't wanted her to be she had become my best friend.

"I promise Quinn."

"Thanks."

The door opened then and a different nurse than before came inside to take away the tray of food I had shared with Quinn.

"I'm glad you're feeling better Dr. Quinzel." The pretty brunette smiled. "I was really worried when I heard that you were here."

"Thanks." I blushed because honestly I had no idea who this woman was. I was such a cliché doctor, but my days were so hectic, the nurses tended to all look the same to me.

"Did you like your dinner?" She leaned forward and I was suddenly hit with a horribly familiar smell of vanilla perfume. I took a deep shuddering breath and tried my best to focus. It was her. She had been there when I'd been attacked – she was one of them! Mr. J had left me here to look for the police officer thinking I was going to be safe, but I wasn't!

"Harleen?" Quinn's bubbly voice brought me back to reality. She and the nurse were looking at me, both had smiles on their face. But I saw the coldness in the nurses eyes. She knew that I knew.

"Yeah. Sorry." I smiled sweetly. "Dinner was excellent. Thanks so much..." I squinted my eyes. "Sorry I'm drawing a blank."

"That's alright." She also smiled sweetly. "I'm Jessica."

"Thanks for dinner, Jessica."

"That's quite alright, Dr. Qunizel. I'm on night-shift today, so if you need anything just call me."

"Thanks!"

I was going to die. I was literally and actually going to die. We'd spent ages making out but we hadn't exchanged phone numbers! How was I supposed to reach Mr. J? I couldn't do this by myself! I'd have to fake a panic attack and tell them I needed to see my therapist right away...honestly I was close to a panic attack anyway.

"Harleen? Are you ok?"

Quinn! I still had Quinn!

"What are you doing?" She snapped in a panicked tone as I ripped out my IV and stood up on shaking knees.

"You have to drive me to the Joker – now."

"What?" Quinn came towards me and held onto my arms trying to calm me down. "Harleen, what's going on?"

"I didn't try to kill myself!" I burst into tears. "I was attacked by a group of women and that nurse is one of them! Please, you have to get me out of here!"

My news made her astonished enough to let go of me. "You didn't try to kill yourself?"

"No. They made it look like it though, please Quinn! We have to go!"

"Ok!" My panic was contagious and had gotten to her as well. "We'll go. Let's just grab your stuff an-"

"There's no time! We need to go now!" I bent down to put on my shoes and was hit with a sudden wave of dizziness and fell forward onto the floor.

"Harleen!" Quinn was at my side in seconds and helped me up. "Don't rush ok? If you pass out, I can't get you out of here!"

"Yeah." I sighed. "No rush."

She tied my shoes for me and helped me stand up, then we slowly began walking outside. There were a few nurses walking around, but Quinn was still wearing her white gown. No one would question us.

"I parked in the garage." She muttered beside me. "We'll be there in about five minutes."

Those five minutes were the longest of my life. I felt like I was going to pass out any minute from sheer exhaustion and expected nurse Jessica to show up behind me any second ready to just finish me off once and for all.

When it happened, it happened very quickly. There were no last words exchanged between us, as a loud gun shot echoed through the garage.

* * *

 **3rd. Person POV**

Yvette Carrow had stopped screaming a long time ago and Johnny knew his boss had succeeded in his plan.

"Johnny!" Sure enough the green-haired man came towards him, closely followed by the broken woman. "Officer Carrow has agreed to work for me! Isn't that great?"

"Fantastic, boss." After all these years he still wasn't entirely sure what happened down in that cellar. He never left any marks when he tortured his victims. At least none that were easily visible.

"Now, Yvette and I are going back to the hospital. Turns out two of those cunts work there, so we're going to go and check on Harley and make sure she's ok. And officer Carrow has also agreed to be Harley's personal bodyguard!" With the deadliest smile he owned the Joker turned to the redhead. It was the smile that still scared Johnny even after all this time he'd spent with his boss. "And Yvette knows that if _one_ hair is out of place on Harley's head then her little niece is going to pay for it. Catherine's five and wants to be a police officer when she grows up, just like her aunt, isn't that sweet?"

"Just darlin', boss."

"Well let's just hope she does a better job than this poor excuse here." Mr. J said coldly nodding at the corrupt police woman. "How's poor Harold doing?" He asked now.

"He hasn't woken up yet." Johnny answered looking at the women. She was pale and had obviously been crying. She knew there was no way out, that she belonged to the Joker now. "There might be brain damage."

At the news of her husbands condition she paled even more and the Joker smiled relaxed and cheerfully said: "Well lucky for you my girlfriend is a trauma-surgeon." He began to laugh his slow maniacal laugh: "Ha ha ha _haaaa_ my girlfriend! Isn't that crazy?!"

Johnny cracked a smile. Yvette looked like she had just wet her pants.

"Come on, Officer Carrow, you have a job to do!"

* * *

YES! Finally some action! :D What do you guys think? :)


	10. Fun and Games

**Chapter10: Fun & Games**

 _It's all fun and games 'til somebody loses their mind_  
(Taylor Swift – _Wonderland)_

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Sorry that I haven't answered any reviews yet, I'm just so excited to share this next chapter with you :D

People, it's Tuesday and I managed to upload! Yay :) Although I didn't go to University...buuuuut that's just how much fun writing the fanfic is :) Seriously I cannot WAIT to hear what you have to say, because this chapter was so challenging for me. I had an entirely different plan at first, but well here it goes :D

* * *

"Quinn!" I cried out, hurrying to her side immediately.

"I'm ok!" She gasped. "She missed me. Come on, quick!"

The blonde doctor grabbed my hand and pulled me forward, towards her car, as shots continued to echo around us.

I was fully awake and alert now. We needed to get out of here. Adrenalin pumped through my veins and I began to feel a sense of excitement as we hurried towards the vehicle.

"Stop!" Nurse Jessica cried out, but we didn't listen to her. Maybe we should have. Another shot echoed through the garage and a sudden burning pain shot through my leg and I fell down screaming.

"Harleen!" Quinn fell to her knees beside me and unwrapped her scarf to help stop the bleeding in my calf. "What the hell do you want from us?!" She yelled at the nurse, who was coming towards us.

"You two are coming with me." She snapped coldly and pressed the gun against Quinns head. "And you will do everything I say, is that clear?"

"O...Ok." Quinn trembled beside me.

"Good." Jessica said. "Now take Dr. Quinzel to my car or you're both dead."

"I'm sorry." Quinn whispered, as she heaved me up onto my feet and led me to the black van, waiting for us.

Quinn helped me inside in a gentle way, making sure not to bump my hurt leg against anything. She herself was pushed into the van forcefully and Jessica yelled:

"Give me your phones right now!" The gun in her hand shook, as she pointed it at us.

"Ok!" I could hear the hysteria in my friends voice and wondered momentarily if I would be hysterical too, if I hadn't turned into this big bubble of pain. I was going to die. I _wanted_ to die. Why did this hurt so much? Why couldn't I move?

"You're going to be ok, Harleen." Quinn whispered and somewhere in the distance I registered that we were moving. "I promise, you'll be alright."

"Yeah." Maybe I was in shock. Was this what a shock felt like? Why hadn't anybody prepared me for this situation? I knew how to treat a gunshot wound, but not my own.

"Let me see." Quinn whispered and took of her gown, and put it under my head, as a pillow. Then she lifted up my leg and began to push away the fabric of my jeans. When she took out her lamp to see the wound clearer I remembered how just half an hour ago we had been sitting on my hospital bed and things had been fine.

"It's through and through." She sounded relieved and I felt her tighten the scarf around my leg "So." She sighed, leaning back. "Any chance your boyfriend can get us out of here?"

I closed my eyes. My boyfriend. How I wished he was here right now.

"You'll be ok." Quinn repeated. "We'll be ok."

We both knew she was lying.

* * *

 **POV**

The Joker was not amused. Things had been fun for a moment, but this little bitch had hell to pay. Enough was enough.

"Who is that?!"

"Jessica Galpin. She's a nurse here."

"And where the _hell_ did she take Harley?!" He snapped, pointing toward the security tape in front of them. The guard, Stan, was long dead. The old fool had barely looked up from his crossword puzzle and had already had a bullet in his head. Harley had last been seen with Quinn, going towards the garage and that had been an hour ago. And here was the video of her getting shot and Quinn carrying her into the nurses van. Stupid idiot!

"I don't know." Yvette muttered. "I swear I have no idea. Susanne Turner is the woman in charge but she gave us no new orders. Jessica...she's really screwed up and she...I think she's in love with Susanne, so she might hurt Dr. Quinzel to impress her."

Mr. J lost it.

"I don't care _why_ she took her you stupid piece of shit! I want to know _where_!"

Yvette jumped at his loud voice. "She...she doesn't have a lot of money, so I maybe at her house?"

The Joker pulled out his phone. As always Johnny picked up after the first ring.

"Johnny, kill Harald and get me the little girl." Yvette began to cry and Mr. J pointed his gun at her to shut her up. "Kill whoever comes in your way, I don't care, but I want the girl at the house."

Before Johnny could reply the Clown of Crime hung up and stepped towards the upset woman.

"Your husband is already dead and guess what is going to happen to _dear_ little Catherine, if you don't bring me to Harleen _right now?"_

Tears streamed down Yvettes face as she hiccuped. "You're going to kill her?"

"No!" Mr. J cried out in frustration. "I am _not_ going to kill her! I am going to ruin her, until she _wants_ to die!"

"Please, I'll take you to her, please don't hurt Catherine! Please!"

"Stop whining and get in the car!" He snapped and waved her gun at her. "Besides, _I_ won't hurt her. I'll get the most disgusting sexual predator I can find and give her to him..." He paused and then added with a smile: "For free."

Yvette sobbed, as she climbed into the passenger seat of Mr. J's car. She'd felt so strong in Susannes group, so powerful and so full of life. Now all she wanted to do was die.

* * *

 **Harleys POV**

When I awoke I was surprised to feel no pain at all. Infact, I felt fine. I felt well rested. He had saved me. My personal knight in shining armor had come to take me away from that horrible woman.

"Puddin'..."

"Sorry, Harleen, it's just me." Quinns voice was strained and when I opened my eyes the tiredness came back to me instantly.

"Why is it so bright here?" I muttered, closing my eyes again. "Where are we?"

"In some sort of cellar. I think we're in her house."

I sighed deeply and tried to sit up and that's when I noticed I couldn't move. I was strapped to a table.

"Quinn?!"

"There's a glass window." She said in a low tone. "I can't free you."

"What the hell is going on?!" I groaned. "What does she want?!"

"I don't know." Quinns voice shook. "She wanted me to nurse your wound and she's been standing outside that glass window ever since."

I felt panic rise up in me in form of a sob, which I tried to hold back by holding my breath. There was no way I was going to cry in front of this bitch. That's what she wanted. No, I would just wait it out. Mr. J would find me. He'd said he'd be taking care of these woman. He must have found out who was in this crazy group by now and any minute now he'd come bursting through this door.

I breathed out calmly. I was going to get through this. My Puddin' was on the way.

"Harleen, I'm scared." Quinns face appeared above me and I could see she had been crying.

"We'll be ok." I whispered, but she shook her head.

"We've seen her face, we know her name, we know where she lives...there's no way we're getting out of this alive."

"Mr. J will get us out."

Quinn never replied to that statement, she only smiled sadly and I knew exactly what it meant: Mr. J was going to save me. But not her.

"We're getting out of here Quinn."

"Well, well Dr. Quinzel, you're finally awake again." The nurses voice was so cold it made me shiver all over.

"What do you want from me?!" I snapped.

"What do I want...?" She giggled and the horrid sound made me cringe. "Darling I want to hurt ya, really, really bad."

"No!" Quinn cried out and there was a gunshot and I began to cry.

"Quinn!"

"I'm ok!" She sobbed, but I knew she wasn't. She had been shot, but I couldn't tell where. I knew the bullet was tearing through her, just like it had torn through me and that there was nothing she'd be able to do against the pain and there was nothing I could do either.

"Shut up!" The nurse sighed dramatically and stood behind me. I looked up at her and shook my head in terror, as I saw what she had prepared for me. Electro-shock-therapy.

"Please!" I sobbed. "Please don't do this!"

I remembered the moment I'd first spoken to Mr. J. How I had known fearlessness was the way to go. How I had pretended to be strong. What had happened to that? Why couldn't I conjure it? I wished so hard to be able to just look her in the eye and coldly say: _I can take it._ But I couldn't take it, all I could do was cry like a baby.

She made me bite down on a piece of rubber to protect my teeth and without warning my life flashed before me and I was a burning pit of fire and this was hell and I was dying, no I was begging for my life to just be over and it went on and on and on.

When I'd been a child, Shay, Sharleen and I had played on the frozen pond behind our house and I'd broken into the ice and fallen into the water. It had felt like 10000 needles pinching into my skin.

But this was worse.

When I was a teenager I'd been into Gymnastics, once I dislocated my shoulder after a bad swing and begged for my coach to cut my arm off to stop the pain.

But this was worse.

At the age of 22 I'd gotten a severely bad stomach flu. I'd been on the floor of the bathroom for hours puking my guts out until I passed out in my own vomit.

But this was worse.

Pictures flashed before my eyes. Sharleen's face, Quinns and Mr. J's and Shayne the most for some reason. I tried to think, wonder about why I'd see him so much, about how he was doing, but all I could do was scream and hope it would all be over soon. How long did it take to die?

"Please, Shayne!" Couldn't he help me? "Stop! Please!"

And then there was suddenly a loud shot.

Silence was in the room and all I could hear was my rapid hysterical breathing. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't function. I just wanted to die.

And then the pain came back full force. The 100000 needles. The dislocated shoulder. The vomit. "Shayne! Please!"

There was a very sudden, very loud bang and then the pain was gone and when his voice called to me, it was like I was suddenly being awakened from a comatose state.

"Harley!" I heard Mr. J call out. "Are you ok?"

And then his face was above mine and he was pulling the restraints off my arms and legs. I wasn't sure how to answer his question properly and sat up shaking. _Quinn_. I thought, as I saw her body lying on the ground.

"Quinn..." Mr. J helped me jump of the table and I hurried over to her. There was so much blood.

I started massaging her heart rhythmically. I just needed her blood to pump again, I was a trauma surgeon and there was medical equipment here in this freaky torture chamber. We could do it!

"Help me, we need to put her on the table!"

"Harley." I was surprised by the soft tone he was using, as Mr. J came closer and put his hand on my shoulder. "She was shot in the head. You can't help her. It's too late."

Quinns dead eyes stared up at me as I began to cry. She was dead. I hadn't been able to help her. Mr. J pulled me up and I threw myself against him. He returned the hug, hesitantly, and patted my head.

"Harley." He sighed. "How's your hair?"

"What?" I stepped back, confused.

"Nothing." He said with a small smile. "Come on, I want you to meet our new friend."

I was too confused to do anything else and wiped my tears, following him, as he pulled me behind him.

It was the red-headed police woman who had sent me away when I'd tried to file a complaint against Dr. Turner.

"Harley, this is Yvette. She's going to bid your every wish for the rest of her miserable life."

She looked different somehow, paler and I wondered what he had done to her. How he had gotten her to agree.

"I'm coming with you now, right?" I asked in a desperate tone and reached for his hand.

"Yes."

I leaned up and kissed him passionately and he returned the kiss immediately.

When Mr. J pulled himself away from me, I stumbled, momentarily dizzy, which made him smile.

"We need to get you back to bed."

"Yeah."

* * *

 **3\. Person POV**  
Harley had fallen asleeep pretty quickly on the backseat and while The Joker usually wasn't somebody who worried about another person he did wonder if the electro-shocks had altered her mind. If she would still want him.

But that thought was ridiculous of course. Harleen Quinzel not wanting him! She had begged him to be with her on more than one occasion. The thought made him chuckle and Yvette in the passenger-seat flinched.

"Would you lighten up?" He muttered annoyed. "We got Harley, it's time to celebrate!"

"So...so you'll let Catherine go?" She asked hopefully.

"No!" He laughed loudly. "Of course not! You messed up Yvette and Catherine being my hostage is your punishment."

"But you already killed my husband!"

At her hysterical voice Harley began to moan uneasily in her sleep and he shot her an angry glare:

"Shut up, you're going to wake her!" He snapped and Yvette proceeded to cry silently.

 _Women!_ He thought with a growl. Johnny never would have cried. Or Craig. Or Jim or whatever the other fools were called.

Harley began to whimper in her sleep and he stopped the car to turn around to her:

"It's ok, baby. Daddy's here." The name suited him, he thought. She was his girl and he was her Daddy. The young woman sighed comfortably and went on to sleeping without any disturbances and he turned back to the steering wheel with a content smile.

This would work out.  
He turned up some music, because Yvettes constant sniffling annoyed him. In the cellar, when he'd cut her she had seemed so tough. But The Joker always found the weakspots of everyone. And Catherine, her five year old niece, was her Achilles' Heel. It was perfect actually. As he sped through the night he looked at the crying woman, wondering if her upper torso hurt. He had branded his name into her skin, directly under her breasts, so that she and everyone else who saw her would know she belonged to him now. She'd barely flinched. Her back was covered in his signature _ha ha_ and by then she had finally come clean with the other names, but he couldn't leave his picture unfinished. Her entire back had _ha ha_ cut, burned and craved into her skin.

When he arrived home, Johnny was waiting outside the mansion for him.

"The little girl is in the living room with Craig." He said. "She was home alone, so we didn't have to kill anyone." He nodded towards the sleeping woman. "Should I take her inside?"

"No, I'll do that. Why don't you bring Yvette here down into the cellar? I don't want her seeing Cathy just yet."

The redhead sighed deeply and surrendered, as she went inside the house with a bowed head. The Joker shook his head at her hysterics. Then he went to the car and lifted Harley out with ease. He was surprised by how light she was. And pale. She really didn't look good and the feeling, which might have been worry for other people intensified.

He left the car door open and the key inside. One of the boys would get the hint and drive it into the garage. He had taught them well after all.

Harley sighed in his arms and he held her closer.

"You'll be ok, baby." He promised. He couldn't wait for her to feel well again, he was ready to take revenge on the other three bitches of that ridiculous group.

Julia was waiting upstairs in his bedroom. He had called her from the car ride from the hospital to that bitches house. He'd known he would need her and she owed him, better yet she owned Harley.

"J!" She snapped, as she saw the pretty blonde. "What did you do to this poor girl?!"

"Nothing." He muttered, as he gently laid his girlfriend on the bed. "This crazy bitch electro-shocked her and before that these other bitches slit her wrists...look, do you have it or not?!"

Julia giggled, holding up the needle which was already filled with heroin.

"Of course I have it! Do you want some?"

"No." He was done with heroin, he hated being dependent on the substance. Dependency meant power and nobody and nothing had power over him.

Julia sat down next to his Harley, pushing the sleeve of her jumper up to reveal the skin in the crook of arm.

"Don't give her too much." He warned.

Julia rolled her eyes. "Please. Are you forgetting who I am?"

Just in that moment Harley weakly opened her eyes and muttered. "No." She tried pulling her arm away, but the other woman had a too strong grip.

"Hi Doc!" Julia smiled brightly. "Do you remember me? You patched me up after those guys tried to rape me, I'm all better now – they're dead! And now I'm patching you up!"

"No." She sighed. "No heroin."

"Just a little bit, baby." Mr. J leaned closer and used the softest tone he could muster. "It will just take the edge of, I promise."

"No."

"I don't know how I feel about giving this to her, if she doesn't want it." Julia mused, pulling the needle back.

"Well how do you feel about my fist in your face?"

The drug-dealer laughed cheerfuly. "You're so dramaic, J. Ok. Here it goes, Doc."

In seconds the needle was inside her skin and the substance inside of her. And in seconds Harley rolled onto her side, a goofy, dreamy smile on her face. She looked much better.

"Alright, Julia, get out of here."

"But what if she wants more?"

"She won't want more!" He snapped, pointing his index finger at her. "And you better stay away from her!"

"Relax, J." She rolled her eyes. "I'll see you around, tell Johnny I-"

"No." He interrupted. "You and Johnny will deal with your own relationship-shit, I don't have time for that."

"Well." She mused. "See, we haven't really got a relationship and that's half of the problem. He just doesn't want to commit to-"

" _Bye_ Julia!" He interrupted her annoyed with a wave of his hand.

"Fine. Bye J, say hi to your _girlfriend_ , when she wakes up!" She went outside and giggled, because she'd expected him to correct her and say the doctor wasn't his girlfriend. But he hadn't.

The Joker looked at the sleeping Harley and realised the tight feeling in his chest had vanished. Because she would be better. The heroin would help her sleep and the thing she needed the most was rest.

Julia was something like his sister. He wasn't entirely sure, because he'd forgotten and erased most of his past-life, but they had the same father. They hadn't grown up together, but she had sought him up a few years ago after she had "connected the dots" or something of that matter. When she'd first come he'd been pretty high most of time. And then she'd started supplying him with heroin and this kind of friendship had developed. He wasn't about to get her out of prison, but she was allowed to annoy him without being shot. That was something. He usually called her when he needed something and she tended to do the same. He'd never thought she'd last this long. When he hadn't killed her the first time they'd met, he had figured the heroin would do the job, but so far it hadn't.

He went downstairs and found a little blonde girl sitting on his sofa, happily humming to herself. She was dressed in a red dress and wore a red bow. What the hell was this? The child seemed to have fallen straight out of fairy tale.

"Boss." Craig, the blonde one, stepped towards her. "Here's the girl you asked for."

Catherine held something in her hand...a plastic figurine? _A unicorn?_! She hummed to herself louder playing with the animal and making high-pitched sounds. Happy sounds.

"Are you sure it's the right girl?" He muttered. He'd expected a hysterical mess. Not well...this.

"Of course it's the right girl!" She said then, looking up at him. "My name is Catherine Littleton." He groaned. That was her real name? Had the world gone crazy?! "And you asked for me because of my Auntie Yvette." She looked up at him with a smile that would have melted everybodies heart at an instant. "Do you want to play with my unicorn?"

"No I do _not_ want to play with your unicorn, you insufferable stupid little girl!" It didn't melt his heart though.

She giggled. "You're funny!" and proceeded humming.

The Joker was stunned and that was a rarity in itself. He took a deep shuddering breath and then turned to Craig:

"Get. Me. Johnny. Now."

Craig left with a worried expression. He was such a dramatic boy. Maybe it was time to get rid of him.

"Are you ok?" The little girl asked with bright eyes.

"Yes."

"You don't look ok. You look like you have a bad boo-boo."

His hand twitched to his gun. He wasn't allowed to answer or engage and then the small human would shut up eventually.

"Do you know what I do, when I have a bad boo-boo?"

The last time he'd been so angry was after Harleen had rejected him. A growl errupted from deep within his throat.

" _What?!"_

"I stoke my unicorn!" She proclaimed, holding the toy out to him. "Do you want to stroke my unicorn?"

This was a set-up. He was sure of it. Any minute now Harley would come down, laughing and saying it had all been a trick. And then he was going to kill someone.

"A word of advice, little girl." He muttered. "Do not go asking men, you don't know, to stroke your unicorn."

"Huh?" She let the toy sink and tried to understand his comment.

"Boss."

"Johnny!" He hurried towards his most-trusted man. "What the hell is _that_?!" He pointed towards the cheerful girl.

"Yeah, I know..." Johnny rubbed his neck, obviously uncomfortable. "I was surprised too...I don't know, she's...she's weird."

" _Why isn't she afraid?!"_

Johnny lifted his shoulders helplessly. "I don't know, boss."

"And why on earth did you let her bring that stupid toy?!"

"I...I don't know, boss. I messed up. I'm sorry. Do you want me to kill her?"

The Joker turned around and watched the little girl making "vrrrrrrrm" noises as she pretended the wretched toy could fly.

"No." He sighed deeply. "I need her. If I kill her now then Yvette will never give me all the information I need. We'll have to keep her for now."

"Ok."

"I'm going to bed." The Joker rubbed his face. "Keep that...that _girl_ away from me and don't disturb me."

"Yes, Boss."

Mr. J turned around and stomped upstairs. This was too much. _Fucking unicorns!_ In his house! He shuddered and suddenly felt like he needed a shower. He walked straight into his bathroom and tried to rub the strange feeling off him. This was too much excitement for one day. He needed to see Harley.

When he entered the bedroom, she was tossing and turning. The heroin hadn't calmed her down completely then. What a shame. He turned around and was just about to leave her in her misery when he heard her call out to him:

"Puddin'! Please...don't go. Please don't leave me. Puddin'!"

And suddenly there was something inside him that he couldn't describe. Suddenly there was a cord between him and Harleen Quinzel and he was pulled towards the bed, even though he didn't want to, even though it was against everything he stood for.

"Puddin'!"

"I'm here, Harley." He whispered and surprised himself at the gentleness of his tone. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

When she said his name again, she sighed happily: "Puddin'."

And the Clown of Crime closed his eyes and also sighed: "Harley."

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I'm so excited I'm freaking out! What do you guys think? I love Catherine so much :D she's the hero of this chapter, she just owned it so bad seriously :D I hadn't expected it...please review! :)


	11. A Smile

**Chapter11: A Smile**

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Guys! I'm so sorry I wasn't able to upload sooner :( I hope you all had a nice Christmas! I was really stuck because I had to add another two chapters which wasn't what I had originally planned and also I'm...kind of bored with Harleen? I want her to finally become Harley, but I'll still have to wait a few more chapters. Anyway, Harleen and I get along well again and I'm trying my best to finish this story before New Years, so wish me luck ;)  
Thank you for each review and message, when my days are dark and doubts fill my mind I read your comments and they make my life brighter. So thank you!

* * *

 _And you've got a smile  
That can light up this whole town_

 _(_ Taylor Swif _t – You Belong with Me)_

* * *

 **Harleens POV**

When I opened my eyes I felt well rested for about a second. Then the events of last night came crashing back to me and I sat up suddenly. For a moment I felt dizzy, but it passed.

My head and my leg hurt. And my arm? I pushed up my sleeve and saw the blue mark in the crook of my arm.

I vaguely remembered a stinging sensation. Heroin. He had given me heroin! Sighing I swung my legs to the edge of the bed. The I pushed up my trousers and saw the gun-shot Quinn had attended to yesterday. It didn't look infected, but it hurt like hell.

"You're awake."

I hadn't noticed him come inside the bedroom. When I saw him my troubles seemed to vanish instantly. And my pain was gone too. He had given me heorin to help me, he had _paid_ for it to help me.

"Kind of."

Mr. J stepped towards me. He looked good in his usual black pants, but was actually wearing a shirt. It was blue like his eyes. He didn't look well rested, but I didn't flatter myself. I was sure other things than my well-being kept him up at night. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I was shot, electroshocked and high all night."

He smiled and sat down beside me, but didn't comment.

"You saved me." I realized.

"Of course." The Joker reached out to tuck a loose strand of my blonde hair behind my ear. "Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. I felt strangely full. Or not full directly but content. Maybe it was an aftermath of the heroin.

"Can you help me get to the bathroom?" I nodded towards the door opposite the bed and Mr. J stood up immediately and let me lean on him to get to the other room. My leg hurt so much I knew I wouldn't be able to go to work for a while.

"I had Johnny get some of your clothes." He nodded towards a pile of my clothes on one of the shelves. For a moment I blushed, because my bras were lying on the very top and I realized his henchmen had been in my apartment and had gone through my closet, but well...Johnny was ok.

"There are some toothbrushes above the sink. I'll have Yvette bring you some breakfast, ok?" Yvette doing anything in this house was far from ok, but I didn't argue with him, because he kissed my forehead so gently, I could only smile up at him like a love-struck idiot.

"Ok."

He left and I got undressed. When I stepped underneath the warm water I felt relaxed immediately, but no matter what I did I couldn't get Quinns screams out of my head. She had been my only friend – and now she was dead.

When I came back outside, wearing tight jeans and a black top, Yvette the police-woman was standing in the door. She had put a tray filled with French Toast, eggs and pancakes and orange juice. As I sat down on the bed again she glared at me so hatefully, it was as if I had been the one who had attacked her. She had no reason to hate me. But the way she was glaring was as if I had kidnapped her daughter or something. It made me feel uncomfortable.

Once I was finished she took the tray away again and I limped into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I felt uneasy and tired at the same time. I wanted Mr. J with me, but it wasn't like I could just stand up and search for him. For one thing I was sure it would upset him and for another...well my leg really hurt. And I didn't know where he was.

There was a knock on the door and a smile lit up my face, when he stepped inside. He had something small in his hand, but I couldn't see what it was. The Joker sat down on the bed beside me and kissed me fiercely, eliciting a sigh from me as I wrapped my hands around his neck automatically, as if kissing him was the most natural thing in the world.

"Did you miss me?" He muttered against my lips.

"You know I live for these moments with you." I whispered back as he leaned back and played with something white and furry in his hand. "What have you got?"

He grinned and showed it to me. "I got you a kitty."

It was a tiny white stuffed animal and I took it from him with a smile.

"That's so thoughtful."

Poor Puddin'.

"Did you find the other women?"

He nodded and there was a cold look in his eyes that didn't scare me. It made me feel safe. "Jessica Galpin, she's dead. Susanne Turner, she's hiding. Anna Halliwell – she's a teacher and Feline Elliot, she works in the hospital as a caretaker."

I shook my head. I didn't know these women. I didn't understand why they had tried to kill me. My confusion must have been written all over my face, because Mr. J said:

"They call themselves the _Fierce Five_." He rolled his eyes and I had to smile, because I knew he didn't like their name. "They like to hurt people, so..." It was only just a moment, but I could see the insecurity in his eyes and my heart dropped. Something was wrong. "Harley, do you have any enemies?"

"No! Of course not!" I sat up. "Why are you asking me this?"

"The _Fierce Five_ don't pick their victims themselves." Mr. J explained and gently pushed me back. "They are hired." He paused as his words sunk in. "Someone sent them to hurt you."

I blinked away my tears. "I don't understand who would do this."

"We'll find out." He promised.

"What did you do with the other women?"

"Nothing yet." My Puddin' put his arm around my shoulder. "My boys are keeping watch on them, we're trying to find out who is pulling their strings. Yvette doesn't know who it is and if we kill all of them the problem won't be solved."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know who was behind this.

"I called the hospital." He said. "And told them you won't be able to come in for two weeks." Now he grinned and amusement shone in his eyes. "Doctor's orders."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Dr. Jahasapeemapetilonda made it very clear that you need some time to rest and work through your problems."

I fell back into the comfortable pillows. "Not the Dr. J thing again."

He was ready for a come-back I could see it in his face, but a sudden loud ringing tone interrupted him. It was a familiar tune and I sat up once again.

"Is that my phone?"

"Yes." My Puddin's tone had changed and he sounded angry. "Some guy called Shayne has been calling you non-stop all night!"

I had to giggle at his obvious jealousy. "That's my brother."

A look of realisation crossed his face, but he covered it up quickly as he handed me the phone.

"Hello?"

"Harleen!" I could hear the worry in my brothers voice clear as day. "Are you ok?! The hospital said you were in an accident..."

Accident? I had been attacked and a group of murderous women had staged my suicide, but lets call it an accident, sure. Being kindapped and electro-shocked had been what? A therapy-session?

"I'm ok." I sighed, rubbing my eyes as I felt a familiar tiredness wash over me.

"What happened?" He lowered his voice when he added: "The nurse told me you tried to kill yourself..."

I sighed. There it was. For a moment I didn't know what to say. Someone had hired these women to hurt me, so I couldn't tell Shayne the truth. It was too dangerous. But I couldn't lie. That was too painful.

"I didn't try to kill myself." I finally said. I just couldn't have him thinking I would ever do that to him. "But I was in hospital. I'm fine now. I'm...I'm actually with my boyfriend right now."

Beside me the Joker chuckled quietly, but Shayne sounded far from amused when he repeated:

" _Boyfriend_?"

"Yeah." I had to look away from said boyfriend who was laughing beside me, so I could keep a straight face. "It only happened a few days ago."

"I don't understand."

I sighed and Mr. J's face-expression changed to something darker.

"It's complicated. He-" I was interrupted when Mr J grabbed the phone and said in what was such a normal tone it almost sounded British:

"This is Dr. Jahasapeemapetilonda speaking."

I groaned as he tried to calm my brother down.

"Mr. Quinzel you may rest assured your sister is in good hands." There was a pause and he nodded. "Yes. She has been having some problems lately and I can promise you are relationship is strictly professional."

Great. So now he thought I was some love-struck crazy patient. I should have told him I'd tried to kill myself that would have been less embarrassing.

"I am sworn to secrecy towards my patient." Mr. J continued. "But I can promise you she is doing well and is in no danger."

Shayne seemed to have calmed down again, atleast I couldn't hear his voice through the phone anymore and it was handed back to me.

"Hello?"

"So who is this boyfriend? Can I talk to him too?"

I rolled my eyes. "No. You've spoken to my psychotherapist, don't you think that's humiliating enough?"

Shayne laughed and actually did sound more relaxed. I guesses Mr. _and_ Dr. J had that effect on people. He was chuckling too.

"I'm trying to get time off work. But it's difficult right now."

"Don't worry." I said because honestly I didn't really want to see him at the moment. "I'm not supposed to see people at the moment anyway...my therapist said I need to focus on myself right now."

Mr. J looked at me amused and Shayne said jokingly: "What and your boyfriend gets to stay?"

"He's already gone."

"Ok." He gave in. "Let me know if you need anything, ok? You know I'm always there for you, no matter what."

"Thanks Shayne."

"Bye sis."

I hung up and Puddin sat down in front of me on the bed. "Lying to your brother and avoiding him. Are you hiding something from him, Harley?"

"No."

"It sounds like you are." His blue eyes blazed. "It sounds like you are scared of disappointing him."

I rolled my eyes once more. "Stop that. You're not a real psychotherapist!"

"How would you know?" He chuckled and then lied down beside me, resting his head on my shoulder. "Besides it's fun trying to get into peoples minds."

"You already are in my mind." I muttered, as my eyes fell shut. "Mind, body and heart. You have it all."

I couldn't see his reaction because I was too tired to open my eyes, but I felt him pull the blanket over me and pull me closer to him. He held me while I slept. And I slept more peacefully than I had in a very long time.

* * *

When I woke up Mr. J was gone and instead there was a note lying next to me on a tray with a sandwich, a glass of water and a pack of Ibuprofen. Just as I reached out to pick the note up, a high-pitched voice proclaimed:

"You're pretty! Can I touch your hair?!"

I jumped at the unfamiliarity of the voice and then turned to see a little girl in a red dress with blonde pigtails sitting on my bed.

"Who are you?" I yawned.

"Catherine." The way she said sounded like I ought to know who she was. "So can I?"

"Can you what?"

"Touch your hair!"

I touched my hair myself and then found myself saying: "Sure."

Immediately the child climbed onto the bed, not caring that her dress was being pushed up and scrambled towards me. She was a very pretty girl with large blue eyes and long eyelashes. A very concentrated look appeared in her eyes as she began to stroke my hair so carefully I wasn't sure she was actually touching it.

"Ok..." I said after a while and wondered if Mr. J was playing some sort of trick on me. When the girl didn't stop I took hold of her hand.

"That's enough now, Catherine."

"What's your name?" She asked in a very excited tone.

"Harleen."

The little girl giggled. "That's a funny name. My unicorn's called Mrs. Fluffy-Snuggle-Kiss, but sometimes I just call her Pooh."

"That's nice." I rubbed my head. Pooh – what a stupid name!

"Would you like to see her? She's hiding in my room, because she's scared of all the men, but if I get her for you she won't be afraid, because you're nice!"

"Ok, sure. Go get her."

Once the child had left I reached for the note, hoping to find some kind of explanation as to why a little girl was here, but all it said was:

 _Harley,  
I had some business to take care of. I saved Yvettes number in your phone. Call her if you need anything. I'll see you tonight._

 _J._

I sighed and took one of the tablets, I had a feeling I'd be needing them. The door opened and the little girl came back inside, with a laptop and a plastic unicorn in her arms.

"See, this is Pooh."

My leg hurt, I was basically bound to the bed and the only assistant I had was a women I hated with a passion I hadn't known lived inside me. I was all by myself while my new boyfriend was of doing some "business" and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

But when that little girl looked at me with her large blue eyes and showed me her unicorn called Mrs. Fluffy-Snuggle-Kiss she moved something deep within me that hadn't been touched in a long time.

There were few children who had had this effect on me. I wasn't crazy about them as some other women were. But something about Catherine reminded me of well...me.

"She's very pretty." I told the child. "Is that your laptop?"

"Johnny gave it to me so I would shut the fudge up." She leaned forward and whispered. "He didn't _really_ say fudge, but Mrs. Fluffy-Snuggle-Kiss doesn't like swearing."

"I got it." I whispered back. "So Catherine, why are you here?"

Maybe she was Johnnys daughter. I wondered how many of the men here had children.

"My Auntie Yvette lives here." Catherine explained, as she stroked her unicorns head. "And Mr. Joker wanted me to be here too. He's funny, isn't he?"

At her cheerful words my mouth went dry. So that's why Yvette had looked at me so angrily. Because we had kidnapped her niece.

"Do you think he's funny too?"

"Hilarious." I whispered. A minute ago I had been hungry but now just the thought of eating made my stomach pull itself together.

"Do you know Miley Cyrus?" She asked unfazed and looked up from her toy. "We can watch her film online!"

"How old are you?"

"I'm five!" And she was very proud of this, if I interpreted her wide grin correctly.

"And you know how to use a laptop?"

"Daddy always lets me watch videos online if I'm a good girl." She flattered her eyelashes at me. "I can be a good girl for you, if you like."

"You _are_ a good girl." I said confused.

"Sometimes I watch videos when I'm alone." She confessed in a baby voice.

"Do you know what?" I smiled and stroked her head. "So do I."

Catherine sighed in a relieved way and I suddenly found her pressed against my chest as she snuggled in my arms. Her sudden show of affection surprised me but I put my arms around her.

"Come on." I said after a moment. "Let's watch your film."

We did watch the film and we also shared the Sandwich together. Time flew by and Catherine had no problems at all cuddling with me. At first I didn't know how to react to this, but then I started to stroke her head. She was very comfortable in my arms.

I realised quickly what the main similarity was between us. This little girl was lonely. None of Mr. J's people had hurt her, but none of them spent any time with her either. She was allowed to see her aunt every evening for one hour and as the little girl explained her favourite film to my I felt my rage grow.

She didn't deserve this. I already knew what he was going to say. That he'd needed her so that Yvette would talk. That he had done it for me.

Catherine fell asleep in my arms and when the door to the bedroom opened I laid her down gently and climbed out of the blankets. I stumbled towards him with my hurt leg and Mr. J caught me with a chuckle.

"Did you miss me, Darling?"

I couldn't look into his eyes. "We need to talk."

The Joker looked past me at the bed and growled when he saw the sleeping child. I limped past him into the hallway and he followed.

"You kidnapped Yvette's niece!" I snapped at him as soon as the door was shut. "How could you do that?!"

Instead of answering he asked a question of his own: "Why is that girl in my bed?! What have you been doing?"

"We just...watched a film and talked. I think she's lonely."

He growled and turned away and I reached out to take hold of his arm.

"Don't be mad!"

How had this conversation ended up with him being the angry one?

"You _cannot_ befriend our hostages, Harley!"

"Well you can't go out and kidnap little girls!"

The Joker growled in frustration and began pulling at his hair. "You...you...you..." He never actually said what I was and instead snapped: "That's what I do!"

There was a break where the two of us stood in front each other, breathing heavily and loudly with nothing left to say. Mr. J ran his hands through his hair and I realised before he had opened his mouth that this relationship was going to be over before it had even started.

"What did you expect?! You knew exactly what you were getting into!" He pointed his index finger at me. "You said you'd die for me, you said you'd _live_ for me so-"

"Honeymoon-Phase!" I interrupted him in a loud voice.

For a moment he looked at me, but then he yelled: " _What?!_ "

"Our relationship has been anything but normal..." I touched his cheek and forced him to look at me. "We deserve... _three weeks_ where I don't know that you kidnap little girls and you don't get to be annoyed that I save lives for a living."

His eyes met mine and I could see he was thinking about my words.

"Every couple has a phase when they think that the other person is perfect." I continued my explanation. "We deserve that. Three weeks of being stupidly in love." I pulled my hand back from him and Mr. J stepped closer to me.

"Stupidly in love?" He repeated and reached out to stroke my hair. "Does that involve sex?"

I couldn't stop the giggle from escaping my lips. The truth was I was nervous about sleeping with him here in his house with all of his men who were so dependent on him. They would just interrupt us, I knew it.

"Yes. There's just a few problems..." I muttered against his lips.

"Like what?" He sighed.

"Like the five-year-old in your bed."

He groaned and pulled away from me and I couldn't contain my laughter.

"You are having too much fun with this." He realised in a cold tone. "That girl is such a pain."

"She reminds me of me." I confessed, all the amusement had faded from my voice now. "When I was little I was just as open and attention-seeking-"

"When you were a little girl?" He interrupted with a smile.

I shot him a glare. "She's happy and sweet and before...before my sister died I was too."

There was another silence and then he muttered: "You're still sweet."

I rolled my eyes, but didn't say anything. It was Mr. J who broke the silence and took my hand in his.

"Let's go to bed."

"With Catherine?"

"Of course not!" He shook his head. "I have a lot of comfortable beds, Harley."

"Being a hostage in your house must be very nice then." I giggled.

He put his arm around my shoulders and led me through the dark hallway.

"Unless your name is Yvette and you have to sleep on the floor in the cellar."

Maybe a part of me should have felt bad for the redheaded police-woman, but I was in my Honeymoon-Phase. For the next three weeks I was going to be stupidly in love and I was going to enjoy every moment of it.

* * *

Please tell me what you think :) Did anyone get the Pooh-reference? :D


	12. The Cruelest Way

**Chapter12: The Cruelest Way**

* * *

A/N: WARNING: Child Abuse NON graphic, but still upsetting. Thanks for all your reviews :)

* * *

 _This is falling in love in the cruelest way_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Come back, be here)_

* * *

 _"Pop it, lock it, polka dot it  
Country-fy then hip hop it  
Put your hawk in the sky, side to side  
Jump to the left, stick it, glide_

 _Zig zag 'cross the floor  
Shuffle in diagonal  
When the drum hits, hands on your hips  
One-footed 180 twist_

 _And then a zig zag, step, slide_  
 _Lean in left, clap three times_  
 _Shake it out, head to toe_  
 _Throw it all together, that's how we roll_!"

"Yeah!" Catherine cried out. "You did it Harley!"

I had done it. Miley Cyrus was nothing against me. I had been _shot_ and had mastered her Hoedown-Throwdown.

"Let me sit!" I sighed as I fell onto the bed next to the child.

"That was a new record!"

"Yeah!" I gasped and the tiny blonde handed me some water.

"Is it my go now?" She asked with large eyes.

"Yes." I leaned back breathing heavily.

It was a week later and my leg was much better. I could walk without limping and I had danced Mileys dance until perfection. Yvette had spoken to her family. I didn't have the slightest idea what she had said, but this much I knew: No one was looking for this child.

The familiar song started and Catherine began the quick movements. She smiled brightly at me and I smiled back. I was proud of her. She was doing this so well.

The Joker and I had spent some nights together, but we hadn't had sex yet. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I was just so nervous. And I was sure his house had ears and eyes.

Now more than ever I missed Quinn with all her quirkiness and advice. Right now my only friend was five years old and wouldn't be much help in this department.

And I couldn't talk to him about it, because I knew he wasn't nervous. That conversation would be even more embarrassing than the awkward silences at night.

"Oh no!" Catherine cried out as she threw herself onto my bed. "I got stuck again!"

"You were great." I said and immediately she brightened up.

In the past week I had spent a lot of time with Catherine and I had noticed some things. She loved being praised and she wasn't afraid of any of the men. She reflected her fears onto her unicorn. She was very affectionate. Her parents had never hugged her, at least that's what I thought. And there was something about her...whenever she laughed I could see a darkness in her eyes. She was a very troubled girl.

Mr. J and I had stuck to our Honeymoon-Phase behaving very much like teenagers with a surprising amount of kissing, cuddling and watching TV together. When we spoke, we made jokes and teased each other (he had heard of the nickname "Pooh" and seemed to think it was cute even though I had promised I would kill him, if started calling me that), but we never actually spoke about anything real.

But we didn't have to. I knew he wouldn't send Catherine home. It was too risky. She would know all of our names and faces. And he used her to control Yvette. And he controlled Yvette to protect me. I couldn't even ask him if he would send her home. He was doing all of this for me.

So I spent time with Catherine and became her friend.

"Harley?"

I had to smile at the fact that my old nick-name was becoming my new one.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Do you think we can watch the film again today?"

I closed my eyes for a second. Without work and without Mr. J I was very bored, but I could not watch Miley Cyrus be Hannah Montana one more time.

"Let's watch something else, Catherine."

Another thing about the happy little girl was that she asked a lot of questions, but she never asked when she would be going home.

She began to hum and play with Mrs. Fluffy-Snuggle-Kiss and as I watched the little girl I knew I had to ask her. I owed her this much.

"Catherine?"

"Yeah?" She bit her lip and looked up at me, looking very cute so that I had to smile.

"Why aren't you scared of Mr. Joker and his friends?"

Immediately her blue eyes moved to the toy in her hands and I wanted to ask her again, but decided against it. Catherine was such a bubbly, talkative girl. I just had to give her some time.

"Because..." She grinned up at me. "My Daddy is much worser than all of Mr. Jokers friends."

I ignored her grammatical error and felt my blood run cold. He was _worse_? Whose child had he taken?! Mr. J pulled all of the strings in Gotham City. He was the King.

And now there was someone worse?

I tried to swallow, but my mouth was completely dry. Yvette was going to take revenge on us. All of us. That's why she had followed all of my Puddins commands. Because she knew she would win in the end.

Next to me Catherine began humming and brought me out of my trance.

"What do you mean?"

She shivered and continued playing with her unicorn. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm your friend." I tried my best to keep my voice controlled. If she heard how panicked I was, she would never tell me the truth. "You can trust me. We can talk about anything."

Next to me Catherine nodded, but I could see the difference. The darkness in her eyes returned and her face paled. She was shaking.

"Catherine." I whispered. "Why is your Daddy worse than Mr. Jokers friends?"

The little girl looked up at me and she didn't have to say one more word. I could see it all in her face. Sharleen had worn the same expression. Guilt. Shame. Disappointment. Fear. Pain.

It was all there.

"He says I have to be a good girl and do all he says. He takes pictures and makes videos of me. And then his friends come and give him money and I have to do what they say!" She began to sob. "They hurt me and I hate it!" I wanted to comfort her, but she stood up and began walking up and down in the room, wiping her face. "I told Auntie Yvette I wanted to be a poilicewoman when I grow up so I can kill Daddy, but she laughed and said I'm funny."

"She didn't know." I realised in a whisper.

Catheiner shook her head hectically and finally stopped walking through the room.

"And your mummy?" I asked, as I slid of the bed. "Did she help you?"

"She's always standing in the door and counts the money Daddys friends give to her."

A hard heavy rock of sickness piled up in my stomach at her words.

"Mummy hates me!" The little girl cried out. "She says I'm only good for making money and no one will ever love me! But that's not true, right Harley? You love me, right? You do?"

"Of course I love you!" I blurted out and hurried to hug her. "I love you Catherine and I promise you never have to make such a horrible video ever again!"

The little girl pressed her face against my stomach and soaked my blouse with her tears, but I didn't care. I held her and soothed her and was so disgusted and so happy at the same time. Because we had gotten her out of there.

"You're going to be ok, Catherine. I promise." I sat down on the bed and continued to hold her, until she fell asleep.

I put the blanket over her and crept outside. Normally I never left the rooms up here. I was either in the other bedroom, where Catherine slept or in The Jokers room. But after hearing her cries like that I knew I couldn't just sit in the room upstairs and wait for him. He needed to know this now and we needed to take care of it right now.

 _Come home now. Something happened._

After texting this I went downstairs and sat down in the living room. Two men were sitting there and were watching TV. They looked up when they saw me and I could see the fear in their eyes clear as day.

But I didn't care about them. The only thing I cared about was the terrified little girl upstairs and the fact that we had to save her. The men looked at each other, turned off the TV and left wordlessly. I couldn't care less.

Silence wrapped itself around me and I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. We would have to send Yvette away with Catherine. Explain the situation to her that her sister and her brother-in-law were greedy pedophiles. We had to give them money and then the two of them could start over somewhere together.

And maybe we could kidnap the parents. Get them here and torture them. I shivered although their was a fire burning in the fireplace and the living room was cosy and warm.

Could I do this?

Our Honeymoon-Phase would be over eventually and Mr. J was right. I had said I'd live for him. Torturing people, killing people, was what he did. If I truly wanted to be with him, then I'd have to be able to be ok with these things.

I took a deep shuddering breath. I knew he hated people crying and tears would get me nowhere I knew that.

Catherine had to be given back to Yvette. Then The Joker had to kill her parents. It was that simple.

The door to the large mansion suddenly burst open my Puddin' burst into the living room, closely followed by Johnny. Both men had their guns raised and hectic looks on their faces. In that moment he looked so sexy with his usual bare chest, purple leather jacket and dark trousers. And that fierce look on his face.

"What happened?!" Mr. J hurried toward me and behind him Johnny dropped his gun with an annoyed glare, seeing no sign of obvious danger.

"We need to talk about Catherine."

My boyfriends blue eyes turned dark, as he also realised nothing bad was going on.

"Johnny." He sighed. "Go upstairs and make sure none of the boys are down here."

"Yes boss."

There was a smallest of silences and Mr. J put his gun away. He was pacing through the living room rubbing his temples as if he had a headache.

"Harley." He said and turned to me. "Do you realise I was in the middle of sealing a deal with one of the richest men in Gotham?"

Oh he was angry. I could see it in his eyes. The blue was darker and there was a passion inside of them that was not meant to be positive. So I decided to be honest:

"No."

He began to laugh hysterically although there was nothing funny about the situation.

"That could have been the deal of my life and I read _one stupid message_ from you..." He groaned. "How did this happen? One message and I drop everything..." Mr. J looked up at me. "You! You did this to me. This is your fault!"

"I'm sorry." I shrugged my shoulders but had to fight a smile from sliding onto my face. He had dropped everything for me. And I was prepared to have people killed for him. We were serious about this relationship - both of us!

"Don't ever do that again." He paused and then added: "Unless there really is an emergency, but then say what it is. _Hi Honey, I'm locked in the bathroom and guys with guns are robbing the house_. You know that sort of thing."

I nodded. "I'm sorry about your deal."

Mr. J sat down beside me. "Honeymoon-Phase, right?"

I had to smile. "Right."

"So." He ran his hand through his green hair. "What is it you want to talk about so badly?"

"Catherine's Dad is a pedophile." I said straight-out. "He's been raping her, making videos of it and lending her to his friends." I sighed deeply. "Her mum's in on it too, she takes care of the money."

My Puddin' leaned back in the sofa with a shocked sigh. He shook his head at my words and I was glad to see this emotion in him.

"Do you get it?" I asked and moved closer to him, taking his hand in mine. "You didn't kidnap this little girl." I paused. "You saved her."

"I don't save people." He said clearly, pulling his hand from mine. "It doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything!" I snapped. "We can't give her back to those disgusting people! We need to make sure she's safe. So. This is my plan: We need to tell Yvette and then send the two of them away. And then we kill the parents."

During my words Mr. J had burried his face in his hands.

"Harley." He muttered into his hands, before he dropped them. He was obviously already tired from this conversation, even though it hadn't really started yet. "We need Yvette to find out who is after you."

How was that of any importance? I shook my head. "I don't care about that! They are raping her! We cannot send her back!"

"We can't send her and Auntie Yvette on their merry way, you know that!" His sarcasm fed my rage and I snapped:

"They are _raping_ her!"

His annoyance was coming of him in waves. "There are worse things than being raped, these women were hired by someone who wants to _kill_ you!"

"There's nothing worse." I muttered as I stood up. "Nothing."

He noticed his mistake immediately and also stood up. "Harley-"

"Leave me alone." I went upstairs. Catherine was still sleeping peacefully, so I went into the bathroom, sat down on the floor and bawled my eyes out.

* * *

After what felt like an eternity I stood up from the bathroom floor and went back outside into Catherine's bedroom. It was just the same really with a large bed and adjoining bathroom. I went inside and splashed water in my face. I looked horrible. My eyes were red and puffy and my hair a mess.

There was no way that girl was going back home.

And if Mr. J didn't send her and Yvette away, we'd have to find a different solution.

When I stepped back into the bedroom, Mr. J was sitting on the bed. He had been waiting for me.

"Honeymoon-Phase?" He asked with the sweetest smile.

I closed my eyes and sighed. "You can't Honeymoon-Phase yourself out of this one."

He didn't say anything.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." I told him, as I sat down beside him. " And I'm taking Catherine with me."

"Don't be stupid, you can't do that."

"Why not?!" I shook my head. "I can look after her."

A bunch of monkeys could look after her and she would still be better off than going home.

"Someone is out to get you." Mr. J explained calmly. "And her parents will want her back for the money which is worse than anything else because they will _hunt_ you down. You won't be able to protect her or yourself."

Tears burned in my eyes and I tried my best to blink them away. He was right. Catherine needed to get out of Gotham City and I was the wrong person. I couldn't help her the way she needed it. But his smugness was bringing me to my edge, so I snapped:

"Do you have any other ideas?!"

Mr. J smiled. "I'm glad you asked. As a matter of fact, I have." He paused and I almost groaned in frustration. "We are going to give Catherine to Julia. She's on her way, ready to pick her up tonight."

"Julia?" I repeated unable to connect the name with a face.

"She's the woman you helped when we first met."

I snorted. When we had first "met" he had pulled me into a van and told me to work for him.

"Wait." I said. "Do you mean the _drug_ -addict?!"

He lifted his shoulders questioningly. "It's not like I have the numbers of any upstanding citizens Harley."

I pressed my lips together as I thought about my next suggestion. We had only touched upon this topic once and he hadn't said much about it. I knew there were mortal enemies. But I didn't know why.

"What about Batman?" I finally asked. "Do you think he can help?"

We were in our Honeymoon-Phase. I hadn't seen him angry on many occasions yet. But the look in his eyes was so livid I slid away from him. He lifted his hand to hit me, but then pulled his hand back.

"Honeymoon-Phase." He reminded himself, before he turned to me. "Never talk to me about the stupid bat again. And don't you dare think he could help with anything. Ever."

"I'm sorry." I moved closer to him and hugged him. I should have known better. Batman was a bad topic.

"Julia will take care of the little girl." He said as he hugged me back. "She's wanted a child of her own for a long time now..."

"Why hasn't she got one?" I asked as he let go of me again.

"Well turns out taking drugs isn't very helpful for a pregnancy." He didn't elaborate on that. "It's perfect timing actually. I'm going to tell Yvette I gave her little niece to a child rapist because she still hasn't figured out who hired her group. Maybe that will get her talking."

I nodded absentmindedly. "I need to get Catherine ready, they need to leave tonight."

Without waiting for a response I stood up and went to his room she was sleeping in.

The little girl was already awake in bed, clutching her unicorn.

"Harley?" She said confused. "What's going on?"

"Catherine, my friend Julia is going to come and take you with her, ok?"

"No!" She cried out and hugged me tightly. "I want to stay with you!"

"You can visit." Mr. J said behind us in a surprisingly gentle tone. "But you're not safe here. Your daddy and his friends might come looking for you."

"That would be bad." She whispered in an understanding tone.

I wasn't sure where all of his men were, even Johnny wasn't around to witness the next half an hour in which Mr. J wasn't The Joker, but merely a human being with compassion. The two of us helped Catherine get changed into a new dress, combed her hair and braided her pigtails (I braided them, he stood beside me watching my work with fascination) and packed up her things.

I gave her the small kitten he had given me and she was so happy, she called him Mr. Fluffy-Snuggle-Kiss and it was the shortest second ever, but I swear I saw Mr. J smile when she gave her new toy that name.

I hugged her tightly and then he led her outside to a car that was waiting for her with Julia inside of it. She wasn't allowed to see her aunt, but she hadn't asked to say goodbye to her anyway. I was sure she hated all of her family, because her family had never given her any reason to feel anything else.

When Mr. J came back he held out his hand to me:

"Do you want to continue the Honeymoon-Phase at your house?"

The amusement in his eyes was contagious and found myself giggling: "Yes!"

* * *

Hi Guys, so this was the hardest chapter to write. I have some personal reasons as to why the topic of child-abuse is in here:  
I've read a lot of books written by child-abuse victims. I feel like by reading what they had to endure they aren't alone and as a reader I am listening to their voice - now that they can finally talk about what happened to them. Harley telling Catherine she loves her is me telling all those (now grown-up) children I love them. And it's an upsetting topic that no one really likes to talk about so it was important for me to give it a voice in here.

And from a writers point of view I had a lot of fun pushing Harley&Joker to their limits with this topic. I honestly wasn't sure if they were going to recover from their discussion, but it was one that was important for the plot of the story. Up until now The Joker has no understanding of how hard the topic of sexual abuse is for Harley to deal with.

Anyway, please tell me what you think! :)


	13. Delicate Beginning

**Chapter13: Delicate Beginning**

* * *

Happy New Year my Darlings! :) I didn't finish it before New Years as I had planned :( But we only have four more chapters to go! Anyway, thanks once again for your support and kind words. I'm living internetlessly for a week to work on my novels, so the next update will be earliest next Sunday. Enjoy! :)

* * *

 _The delicate beginning rush  
The feeling you can know so much  
Without knowing anything at all_

(Taylor Swift _– Come back, be here)_

* * *

I had been ridiculously nervous. And our movements had been clumsy at first, but soon we mastered the steps to our own private dance and we were completely in sync just the way we had been that first night. The way we had been yesterday evening when we'd taken care of Catherine. We just clicked and fitted together perfectly.

He had offered to make breakfast which I thought was sweet and probably also rare so I hadn't said no. When I came out of the bathroom I was surprised to see all sorts of food I'd never bought: Tomatoes, orange juice, toast...

"Johnny stocked the fridge last night." Mr. J explained. "Oh, that reminds me." He reached into his pocket and handed me a spare key. "You can have this back."

"Thanks." I said with a smile. "I don't remember giving you a key."

"You didn't." He said curtly. "I made a copy while you were in hospital."

"Sure you did." I looked at the key and then back at my boyfriend. "Do...you...want it?"

"Already have one." He smiled and held up his own set of keys which included one to my flat.

"Of course you have." I sat down at the kitchen table. There was an omelette on my plate and small tomatoes next to them.

I pushed the tomatoes aside and started to eat the omelette. I was surprised by how good it tasted.

"This is really good, Mr. J."

"You're surprised." He realised with a smile.

"No I'm not." I lied and avoided his gaze.

We ate in silence, until I asked:

"Does Johnny have a girlfriend?"

He put his fork down and frowned at me: "Are you trying to hit on my right hand man?"

I had to giggle at the idea. "No. I was just interested."

"I don't know." He leaned back in the chair with a relaxed smile. "Julia and he had something going on, but I never asked."

"Why not?" I asked and also put my fork down, finished with the omelette. "I would ask them all about their private lives, aren't you interested in that?"

"No." Mr. J said honestly. "Besides – they have no private lives. They live at my house and they do everything I say whenever I say it."

I nodded. I had seen the way his men acted around him.

"Do they ever get time off?"

"Of course." He drank a sip of water. "Johnny takes care of all those things."

"But when they have time off...what do they do?" I asked again, leaning forward.

"I don't know." Mr. J repeated. "I mean...would _you_ tell me about your family and your friends, if you worked for me?"

I dropped my gaze. "I guess not." Then I smiled. "Honeymoon-Phase?"

He smiled back, knowing that I wouldn't ask him any more questions about what he did with family members and friends of people who misbehaved in his eyes. Mr. J's smile vanished when he saw my plate:

"You didn't eat your tomatoes."

I shook my head. "Sorry. I hate them."

"You _hate_ tomatoes?" He repeated in what sounded like a shocked tone. "But...why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't like them."

"And what about pasta with tomato-sauce?"

"That's ok." I nodded. "So is Ketchup. But I can't eat them just like that."

He shook his head and then asked: "Not even on a burger?"

" _Especially_ on a burger!" I shivered. "Gross."

My Puddin' shook his head. "That's crazy, Honey. And if I'm the one saying that – it means something."

I laughed quietly and then stood up to clear away our plates. Mr. J stood up to help me, but I shook my head.

"I can do it. You already cooked."

With a smile he leaned down to kiss me and then vanished into the bathroom. I heard the shower go on and started cleaning away the plates into the dishwasher. I couldn't help but smile. I hadn't been this happy in a long time, even though there were enough reasons to be unhappy. Quinn. Catherine. The Fierce Five.  
But when I was with Mr. J nothing else seemed to matter. Once the kitchen was cleaned I made the bed. We had nothing to do today except for spending time together. We still had two weeks of our Honeymoon-Phase and as far as I was concerned our lives could carry on like this for a long time.

"Baby, I have good news!" He suddenly said behind me and when I turned around he was standing in front of me with a blue shirt and black trousers and his purple leather jacket. His hair was still wet and was flat on his head, making him look younger than he actually was. It was cute.

"What?" I asked stepping towards him.

"Look." He handed me his phone and I smiled. There was a picture of Catherine sitting on a pony with a large grin on her face. Mr. J. swiped to the left. Catherine and Julia both smiling happily.

"Thanks for the little girl, J. All our dreams are coming true." He read out a text message from Julia and grinned. "I can show this to Yvette and just change the contacts name."

"You don't have to." I said. "She's punished enough."

"That's impossible." He said in a cold tone. "She tried to kill you."

"But she didn't." I reminded him and leaned in to kiss his cheek and he sighed deeply, putting his arms around me.

I leaned against him and put my hand on his chest. Our lips had just met when the loud shrilling ringtone of his phone interrupted us. He growled and then looked at the display.

"It's Johnny." He told me before he answered the phone with an annoyed: " _What?!_ " Johnny said something I couldn't hear and then Mr. J started to laugh: "Hahaha _ha_...thank you Johnny!" He hung up and grinned down at me:

"Ready for some good news?"

"Catherine's parents are dead?" I asked and he rolled his eyes at my self-justice.

"No. Mrs. Turner is. She killed herself! Looks like Yvette told her about Catherine and scared the life right out of her! Isn't that hilarious?"

"But who sent the Fierce Five after me?" I asked in a careful voice. I didn't want to ruin his mood.

"We'll find whoever it was. I'm just glad that stupid bitch is gone. She's the one that sent her husband after you, did I tell you that?"

I shook my head.

"She did. She was the boss of them. I'm only sad she killed herself and I wasn't able to punish her for what she did to you." He stroked my cheek. "But we'll get our hands on Dr. Turner soon enough."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I turned away from him.

"What do you want to do today?"

He chuckled. "Honeymoon-Phase. Just hang out here?"

I wasn't sure, if he meant he wanted to hang out here because we were in our Honeymoon-Phase or if he couldn't tell me what he wanted to do today. Maybe it was a mixture of both.

"Is this your brother?" He suddenly asked and took one of the framed pictures from my desk.

"Yeah." I stood next to him and leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Are you sure _you're_ not his twin?"

I had to laugh as I studied Shayne's blue eyes and blonde hair. He did look like a male version of me, even with the five years between us. "Everyone used to say that to us. But if you look hard you'll see the similarities between the two of them."

Sharleen's green eyes and brown hair always made people distrustful that she and Shayne were twins. But they had the same nose shape and their eyes, even if they were different in colour were also very alike.

The picture had been taken the summer before she'd died. Shayne was in his baseball clothes and still held the bat in his hand.

"He'd just won a game and we were celebrating."

"You look happy." He realized and I wondered if he remembered our conversation from yesterday. About how happy and sweet I'd been before Sharleen's death.

"I was." I had to smile as I reached out to take the picture from him. "We always celebrated whenever one of us won."

"Did you play Baseball too?" Now he was the surprised one.

"No." I had to laugh at that. "I was never very good with a bat. I did gymnastics."

"Gymnastics?" He repeated with a smile.

"Haven't you noticed how flexible I am?" I teased, but Mr. wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"And you just... _stopped_ after her death?"

I sighed. "Yeah." I put the picture back on its spot and kept my back to him.

"I don't understand." He said honestly and I suppressed another sigh. I knew he didn't understand this. But we were in our Honeymoon-Phase, we were giving our relationship a chance so I owed it to him to explain.

"After she died..." I took a deep shuddering breath. It was hard for me to talk about Sharleen, but I knew he wouldn't understand that either. "After she died all of our lives stopped. It was just...it's hard to explain, because we didn't know before. She was the glue that held us all together and when she was gone everything fell apart. Mum started drinking and Dad moved out. I haven't spoken to him in years." I paused and was surprised when I felt his hand on my shoulder. "All the things that made sense to me before, my friends, school, gymnastics...it just all stopped. My life stopped when she was gone." I looked up at him. " And when Shayne and I finally started talking about what had happened I knew I wanted to be a doctor, just like her and I wanted to find him and I wanted to destroy his life, just like he had destroyed mine."

There was a silence and my Puddin' stroked my hair gently. Then he said:

"But you never found him."

I shook my head. "No. And then I gave up. My desire for revenge was driving me crazy." Those words made him smile. "It wouldn't change anything and I just...I think I lost more through my revenge plotting than through her death. It was all I thought about during my studies and my internship...my whole life revolved around it. I couldn't get close to people because I knew I couldn't tell them."

Mr. J was quiet for a moment and I wondered if he could understand what I had said to him. That revenge was tiring.

"So all these years...all you had was Shayne?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "I guess we really are like twins now."

He pulled his hand from my shoulder again, but didn't say anything.

"Does _any_ thing that I said make sense to you?" I asked.

"It used to." He mused, but I didn't dare ask what he meant with that.

He went back to kitchen table and took his glass of water.

"I have an idea what we can do." He said, swirling the glass in his hand. "Your leg is completely fine again, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. You're going to need it." Mr. J pressed the glass into my hands and started moving the furniture. The sofa, the small table infront of it, my lamp...

"What are you doing?"

"We need the space." He answered without any further explanation. But I was getting used to that.

"Ok." I took a sip of his water and almost spat it out again when he suddenly roared:

 _"_ _Harley!_ "

I almost coughed, but managed to swallow the drink. "What?"

"That's disgusting!" He exclaimed. "Now I need to get a new glass!"

And I couldn't help bursting out in laughter.

"It's not funny!"

"It's hilarious!" I shot back. "We had sex all night, but you won't share a glass of water with me?"

"You're a doctor!" He exclaimed as he came back to the centre of the room with a new glass. "You know how dangerous germs can be."

Because he sounded so offended I nodded earnestly and said: "You're right. Better safe than sorry."

Mr. J took off his purple jacket and beckoned for me to come to him. I set the glass down on my bedside table.

"You need to learn to defend yourself." He said clearly. "I won't always be around to save you and even without my doing you've managed to make yourself a lot of enemies."

" _You're_ going to teach me?" Was there anything this man couldn't do?

He grinned, exposing his metallic teeth and looked happier than a child on Christmas Morning. The next two words he said were the last spoken between us for the coming few hours:

"Attack me."

* * *

So what did you think? :)


	14. Impossible Things

**Chapter14: Impossible Things**

* * *

A/N: Thank you all for your nice reviews, they mean so much to me! This may be my longest chapter so far and warning...darkness is up ahead for Harleen :-/

Anna: Thank you so much for your kind reviews! It's definitively been an exciting journey for me as a writer too.

* * *

 _He was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me,  
"Don't you see the starlight, starlight?  
Don't you dream impossible things?"_

(Taylor Swift – _Starlight_ )

* * *

I wasn't alone in my apartment. I could feel it in every fibre of my being. Someone was here. Mr. J had warned me about this. He had taught me how to fight and the last week of our honeymoon-phase had been filled with a lot of combat fighting.

I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped outside into the flat. A second later a man threw himself against me, ready to knock me off the ground.

I reacted immediately and threw myself against him with a loud cry. He was wearing a black mask to cover his face. I punched him three times, rammed my knee in his stomach and struggled to keep the upper hand. While I was on top of him I held his legs down with my knees and held both of his arms in a tight grip.

A familiar laugh caused me to let go.

"Hahaha _ha_..." The man underneath me chuckled and I groaned.

" _Puddin'!"_

He pushed himself up and took the mask of.

"You did really well!" He grinned, but I couldn't share his humour.

"It's my first day back at work!" I snapped and stood up. "I'm not in the mood for something like this!"

"Oh come on Honey..." The green-haired man stood up as well. "I wanted to test you to make sure you're ready – and you are!"

I didn't answer. I should have known. He had suggested not to spend the night so I could have a good nights sleep. Yeah right.

"How long have you been here?!"

He shuffled his feet and avoided my gaze. "I'd rather not say."

"Mr. J!" I tousled my hair in frustration.

"Honeymoon-Phase." He reminded with a sly grin and stepped towards me. I wanted to say something, but when he took hold of my chin and kissed me everything around me disappeared.

When he leaned back again I muttered: "Did you spend the night in my closet?"

Grinning he tugged my hair gently. "Maybe. I have insomnia, you know."

I rolled my eyes and didn't answer, but kissed him quickly before going back inside the bathroom. My hair and make-up had been finished, before his fake attack. So I went to check how I looked.

It was my first day back and I was nervous enough without having to worry about my looks. I tied my hair into a high ponytail.

I missed my glasses. Even if I hadn't really needed them they'd given me a sense of security. I'd been able to hide behind them.

"Are you nervous?" Mr. J was leaning against my kicthentable and held a glass of water in his hand.

"No." I lied and he smiled because he knew the truth.

"You look nice."

I had to laugh. "I need to do more than look nice today."

Mr. J chuckled and I knew what he was thinking. For the past two weeks all I'd had to do was look nice. And learn how to fight. Somehow it had been easier than being a doctor.

"You'll be ok." He said in a confident tone and his trust in him made me feel calmer. I'd been a surgeon for a long time now, I knew what I was doing.

"It's the first day without Quinn."

"I know." The Joker said in a surprisingly gentle tone.

The two of us stood in front of each other wordlessly and then I walked towards him to kiss him.

"Thanks. I'll see you this evening."

"Don't you want breakfast?" He asked confused and I shook my head.

"I never really eat breakfast before I go to work."

"You suck as a doctor." Mr. J mumbled and I had to giggle at his reaction.

"Bye, Puddin!"

He kissed me one last time and then I went out of the flat. Once the door was closed I felt a sinking, lonely ache.

I missed him.

During the car ride to the hospital I turned up the music and sang along in a loud voice. It was the only distraction I had.

To be honest I was glad Mr. J had faked the attack on me. He was right, I was ready to fight and the days of screaming and giving up when somebody attacked me were over.

But beside the fact that someone was out to get me and one of the Fierce Five women worked at the hospital, I had enough other reasons to be nervous. Mrs. Dr. Turner was dead. Mr. Dr. Turner was still missing and Nurse Jessica was dead. Having Yvette on our side was helpful, but even if I couldn't get into trouble legally I knew people had been talking about me. After all I'd been in a patient here because I'd attempted suicide. At least that's what people thought.

I parked the car in front of the hospital and leaned my head against the steering wheel. I was already tired now.

However there was no other way around it. I had to go back and I had to stand up for myself. Mr. J had taught me how to fight people up who attacked me physically, but I needed to learn how to stand up to bullies and I knew for a fact that this hospital was full of bullies. That's one of the reasons Quinn and I had been friends. But she was gone.

I took a deep breath and then went inside. The locker-room was empty, but as soon as I stepped into the ER I was surrounded by colleagues.

"Dr. Quinzel!" It was Dr. Russel. "Welcome you back! Are you feeling better?"

"Yes." I said and forced myself to smile. "Thank you."

"Dr. Quinzel!" The next person to come towards me was a pretty blonde nurse. "How are you? What happened to Dr. Hazel was so horrible!"

"Yes, it was." I couldn't help it and looked around. The ER was empty and my heart sank. I couldn't stand talking with these people for a longer period of time.

"Although..." The nurse continued and I saw her look at Dr. Russel nervously and then back at me. "I'm not quite sure what happened to her."

No. I wasn't prepared for this. For all I cared they could talk about me behind my back, but they couldn't talk to me about Quinn.

The doors to the ER bust open and two paramedics came rushing inside.

"We got a 32 -year-old female with a closed head wound, penetrating neck wound and multiple blunt trauma!" One of them said. "There was a car accident."

I had never been so happy to see so much blood.

"Trauma one!" I said and followed immediately. Dr. Russel was by my side and I turned to the paramedics.

"How many more victims were in the crash?"

Before either of them could answer I heard voices from the hallway:

"36 male with a blunt-force trauma to the head, chest, and abdomen. Persistent hypo-tension after two litres of saline. Pulse is at 130!"

"7 year old girl. Multiple facial fractures. Foreign body to the eye!"

The older man and I looked at each other and he nodded. Today was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Dr. Quinzel!"

I sighed. We had saved the woman, the little girl was probaly going to be blind and we couldn't be sure how the father was, until he woke up.

Today had been a long day. Three doctors were gone and we were understaffed.

"Yes?"

It was the nurse from this morning.

"I need you in the ER!"

To my surprise she grabbed my arm and started pulling me away from the locker-room. Her hectic manner was making me nervous.

"What's going on?" Although it made absolutely no sense I started to worry about The Joker. In my mind I saw images of him lying in an ER bed, bleeding, a gunshot wound to the chest...

"The Rapunzel-Rapist." The nurse said in a low tone. "He struck again and his latest victim survived."

A rape victim. That was too much for this day.

"My shifts already ended." I said to the nurse. "Why do you need me?"

"You're the only female doctor." She whispered in an apologetic tone. "You know since Dr. Turner and Dr. Hazel...we only have male doctors and female interns."

I closed my eyes with a sigh. My revenge-lust for Sharleen had brought me here. To the smallest hospital in Gotham.

"Ok..." I sighed and pulled my arm form her grip. "Let's go."

It was silly, but the interns that worked in this hospital were a bunch of goons, absolutely useless. My last two weeks off work had been there first two weeks here. They were arrogant excited and clumsy. I hated each and every one of them and wished Quinn was here to judge them with me.

"I don't know your name." I whispered to the nurse and held onto her arm. "I'm sorry."

"I'm Sarah."

"Sarah, you look very young. Have you ever performed a rape-kit before?"

She nodded and I was surprised to see a very strong and controlled look in here eyes.

"Let's do this, Dr. Quinzel."

Sarah led the way and when we walked into the Trauma Room I tried my best to hide my reaction:

The girl was a mess. Her long blond hair was stained with blood, half of it not cut off, but ripped from her head. Her head was bleeding. Her clothes were torn and she was shaking.

I took her file from the front of the bed and read her name. She was only 17 years old.

"Monica." She jumped at the sound of my voice, but didn't look up. "My name is Dr. Quinzel and this is Nurse Sarah." I pointed to my colleague, but the young girl still wasn't looking at us. "We are going to take care of you, ok?"

There was no reaction. The only thing we could hear was her rapid breathing, it was uneven due to her shaking.

"Do you want us to call someone for you?" Sarah asked and stepped closer. "Your parents? Or a friend?"

She began to shake her head and with the uncontrolled shaking it looked like she was having a fit.

"Ok." I took hold of the small stool and slid toward her bed so that we were on the same eye-level, even if she was avoiding my glances at the moment. "I know that you're scared, but you don't have to be. Sarah and I are going to take care of you and we are going to stay with you as long as you need us too, ok?"

She nodded and just like when she had shook her head her movements were hectic.

"Is it ok, if I take a look at your head?" I asked in a whisper and she nodded again. I reached for the medical gloves and touched her wound gently. "You're going to need stitches." I said to the young girl.

"He got angry when I hit him." She said shakingly. "That's when he ripped at my hair..."

"You did very well." I told her sternly. "You survived." I wanted to turn and tell Nurse Sarah what I needed from her when Monica looked up and our eyes met for the first time. She began to scream a loud panic filled scream and lashed out at me with her hands.

"It's ok!" I told her, trying to overpower her voice, but the young girl just continued to scream as if I'd been the one to hurt her.

She scratched my arms and I cried out, tumbling backwards.

Sarah stepped between us, shielding the young girl and said to me: "You should leave, Dr. Quinzel."

I looked at her shocked, but realised quickly that she was right. As soon as I was out of Monicas view she stopped screaming.

"I don't understand."

"You triggered something." The young nurse said gently pressing my shoulder. "There's nothing you can do, send me one of the interns."

I didn't understand how I had triggered something, but I understood that I had to leave. So I went outside, sent a young intern into the room, went into the bathroom and threw up, before going into the locker.

There were police-detectives standing outside of Monicas room and I knew they wanted to talk to me, but I just didn't have the strength to talk to them. I had no strength for anything anymore. I pulled my hood over my face and ducked out of the hospital into the cold night.

The Rapunzel-Rapist! Why was he even in Gotham City? And where was Batman when it came to such attacks? Couldn't he help in these cases? Did it always have to be the loud and big events he came to?!

I had just made it home when my phone rang, still in the car I reached for it in my pocket. It was from Mr. J:

 _Do yo wanna come over? I sent the boys away._

I had to smile, but texted back:

 _Sorry, my day sucked. See you tomorrow?_

It wasn't that I didn't appreciate all that he did for me. It was just he wouldn't understand why my day had sucked. He didn't text back and I ignored the sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew he was disappointed, but I'd make it up to him – maybe even tomorrow.

But for now all I wanted to do was go home, have a shower and sleep for hours without end. However when I opened the door to my apartment and stepped inside Mr. J was there. Leaning against the table in dark trousers, a blue shirt that showed off his eyes, his purple leather jacket and a bag of fast food in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" I asked smiling. "You just texted me from home."

"I wanted you to be surprised."

"I _am_ surprised." I stepped towards him to kiss him. "But what if I hadn't answered you and had just gone to your house?"

"I knew you would have said no." He handed me the bag. "Without tomatoes."

"Thanks. That's sweet." I put the bag on the table and took of my jacket and slipped out of my shoes, before heading into the bathroom. "How did you know I'd say no?" I asked as I undid my hair from its ponytail and ran my hands through it.

"Because of the rape-victim."

I froze in my movements and slowly pulled my hands back. Suddenly feeling sick to my stomach I looked up. Mr. J was leaning against the door-frame standing in the open door.

"Your burgers getting cold."

"How do you know that?" I whispered.

"Well." He smiled. "It's common sense. What do you think that food gets warmer if you leave it out for a while?"

"The rape-victim." I said through gritted teeth. "How did you know about her?"

"Oh well, I set up video-cameras to watch you at work." Mr. J shrugged his shoulders. "You know to keep an eye on you, one of those women still works at your hospital."

I walked past him into the kitchen. My boyfriend was the Joker, the infamous Clown of Crime. He was bound to show his affection differently than well...the rest of the entire human population.

"You watched me?"

The green-haired man followed me and calmly said: "Oh come on now Honey, don't give me that look. I was protecting you."

"By spying on me with video-cameras?" I shouldn't have been surprised. Not really, but it was still hard to get my mind around it.

"It's not like I was jerking off or anything!" He rolled his eyes and then added: "You know except for when you were on the toilette. That was pretty hot."

It took two full minutes of me staring at him open-mouthed before he burst out in laughter:

"Hahahah _aaaa_ – I'm kidding!"

I wasn't able to explain it to myself really. Not in that moment and not at any other time in the future. But it was this moment right here that I first realised I loved him. Really and truly loved him. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him tightly. Because he didn't return the hug immediately I could tell he was surprised and probably at loss for words due to my reaction.

"Very few people on my life have treated me as good as you do." I muttered against his shoulder and he tightened his arms around me.

"Let's eat."

I stepped back and put out plates on the table. The fries were cold and so was the burger, but I didn't mind. I was so full of love with him I would have eaten a burger filled with tomatoes and not cared one bit.

"It was like I was 15 again." I explained as I wiped my mouth with a napkin and leaned back in the chair. "I was just as helpless as I was with Sharleen."

Mr. J was staring into his glass of water, swirling it slightly. I knew he didn't understand. I knew compassion was something he couldn't contemplate. When he looked up I expected a joke, a sarcastic remark, anything to see me smile. But instead he was serious when he asked:

"Would you tell me about that night? Walk me through it, step by step."

"I –" I didn't know what to say. I'd never walked anyone through it. The night of Sharleen's rape was the worst thing I'd ever experienced. I didn't really want to relive it again. But I'd already been reliving it, since I'd encountered Monica.

"Ok." I said shaking. "I was 15 and I came home from Gymnastics..."

 _I closed the front door with a smile. Today had been good. Today had been the kind of training where I came home and thought I could really become a star. Really have a breakthrough. I found myself humming as I went to the fridge to check if Mum had already cooked. Smiling I reached inside, there were some leftovers...When I heard a sobbing sound I pulled my hands back. That was weird. Mum and Dad were at work and Sharleen wasn't due home for another hours either...I followed the sound and went into her bedroom. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. But I wasn't prepared for the sight in front of me:_

 _My older sister was sitting on the floor and she was crying. I had never seen her so distraught, not even when her first boyfriend had left her two years ago._

" _Sharleen! What on earth happened?!"_

 _She looked up with a shocked expression. "Go away, Harley! I'm ok!"_

 _I rolled my eyes. She was anything but ok. But I didn't roll my eyes when I stepped closer and looked at her properly for the first time._

" _You're bleeding!"_

 _It was the panic in my voice that made Sharleen stand up. She stumbled to her bed._

" _Just grab my kit, ok Sweety? I'll be ok, I promise. I just...I just..."_

 _My beautiful sister wasn't able to stop crying and when I saw her torn blouse and the blood on her legs I asked:_

" _Sharley. Were you...were you raped?"_

 _The two of us looked at each other and she started to nod. I rushed to her side and hugged her._

" _He raped me." She whispered. "He raped me, Harley!"_

" _Who?" I asked, stepping back. "Who did this to you?!"_

 _She shook her head and continued to sob and buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook heavily and I started to cry as well. All my life Sharleen had been there for me, when I'd fallen off my bike when I was 5 she had put a barbie-band-aid on my bleeding knee and everything had been ok again. More than anything I wanted her to feel that way now, like everything would be ok._

" _I'll call an ambulance."_

" _ **NO!"**_

 _Her loud voice made me flinch and she shook her head hectically. "No, no, no, no! I can't go to the hospital!"_

" _But, you're bleeding!"_

" _I'll be fine, Harley. You can...you can get me some painkillers, ok?"_

" _What about Mum and Dad?" I had never felt this helpless before. "Should I call them?"_

" _No." She shook her head. "No, please don't tell them."_

" _But –"_

" _Harley." She cut me off softly. "Just get me some painkillers and let me change into something else, ok?"_

" _Ok." It was far from ok. I knew we needed to keep her clothes as evidence I had seen that on TV and I knew she wasn't allowed to have a shower because of evidence and DNA. But I also knew from her reaction that somebody she knew had done this to her and that she would have been able to name her attacker. She just didn't want to._

 _When I came back she was wearing a T-shirt and baggy jogging trousers. She looked better, but not good._

" _Thanks." She said in a small voice, as she took the pill and water from me and took them quickly, grimacing at the bitter taste._

" _I just can't believe, he would do this." She whispered falling onto her bed. "I never thought he'd hurt me. I thought..." She began to cry again and I rushed to her side. "I thought I could trust him!"_

 _I didn't know what to say and wished more than anything that Shayne was here with me and could help me out. But I probably didn't even need to say anything, I just sat by her side and held her._

"Shayne came home a short while later." I was staring at the water glass in my hands. "He calmed her down some more and then told me what she'd said. That it was someone from the hospital."

Mr. J didn't answer. Although my apartment was far from spacious he'd been pacing up and down all through my story. He stopped and looked at me with a cold look in his eyes.

"Shayne wasn't at home during all if this?"

I shook my head. "Sharleen and I were alone."

"And she was at work while you were at gymnastics?"

I nodded. "The house was supposed to be empty, Mum and Dad were at work, Shayne was out and Sharley was at work."

The Joker began walking around the room again. "And did it ever occur that she came home from work early spontaneously?"

"I don't know." His questions were confusing me. Where was he going with this? I just wanted him to hold me. "Sometimes, I guess."

He nodded as if he had expected this answer and stopped in front of me.

"Harley." I'd slept with him, held a gun against his head, suggested that we ask Batman for help and yet he had never said my name so seriously. The Joker sat down in front of me and took my hands in his. "I think it was Shayne. I think your brother raped your sister."

"What?!" I snapped, pulling my hands from his. "Are you insane?!"

Although it really wasn't the time, he chuckled, lifting his eyebrow with a grin. "Are you really asking me this question?"

"Puddin' this isn't funny!" I snapped, standing up so quickly that my chair fell over with a clattering sound. "Why would you say Shayne raped Sharleen?!"

"Because it's genius." He replied calmly. "The way he manipulated you all these years...making sure you never found out. Honestly it's such a perfectly crafted plan, I could have come up with it."

"It's crazy!" I pulled at my hair in frustration. "When should this have happened?! He wasn't home!"

Despite the fact that I was yelling at him Mr. J reminded completely calm.

"Your sister came home earlier than usual. He attacked her at home and then left."

I shook my head. "That makes no sense. I was the one who found her, she would have confided in me. She would have..."

 _I just can't believe, he would do this. I never thought he'd hurt me. I thought...I thought I could trust him!_

I felt sick.

"He _let_ you find her. Then he came swooping in as the hero to help." He continued. "He made sure she wouldn't say anything and then fed you the story about one of the men from hospital...He manipulated the both of you and turned you into his ally."

I sunk into the chair beside him. "But I don't understand. Why did she kill herself? I thought...she always wanted to be a doctor and then she couldn't continue working...I thought that's why she did it. Because she couldn't be a doctor any more."

"When did she commit suicide?"

I shivered because in my mind pieces were falling together and what Mr. J was saying was starting to make sense. Things about that time with Sharleen had always been fuzzy, but in my mind things were starting to click.

"Three months later."

Again he nodded as if he had expected this answer. "What would push you over the edge, if your brother raped you?"

"She was pregnant." I whispered as a tear slid down my face. "He got her pregnant and she killed herself." I pressed my hand against my mouth, trying to stop a sob from rising. "Why did she do that? How could she leave me alone with him?!"

"He had power over her." Mr. J explained and when he reached for my hand this time I didn't pull away. "He probably threatened to hurt you if she said anything."

"He probably _did_ hurt me." I shook my head. "My memories from that time are all messed up...I was on anti-depressants and sleeping a lot." I looked up at him and tried to stop my tears. "Do you really think he did it?"

"You'll have to ask him." The Joker said gently. "That's the only way you can truly know the truth."

The truth. I wasn't even sure I wanted to know it any more.

"Let's go to bed." He pulled me to my feet and led me to the bed. "Tomorrow things will be different, you'll see."

I didn't argue with him and let him undress me and rested against his strong chest while I tried to fight my tears. Tomorrow things would be different. I knew and he knew it too. My life would never be the same again.

* * *

I thrashed wildly, trying my best to get this guy off me. I couldn't breathe. He was so heavy and there was something heart-breakingly familiar about him. Who was familiar to me and would try to hurt me like this? Why on earth was he on top of me? Why wouldn't he leave me alone?

"Please!" I whimpered, trying to push him off me.

Was I naked? Was he naked? What was that smell?

"No! Please get of me! No!"

There was darkness all around me and a sharp pain in my hand.

"What are you doing?" The Joker growled beside me, my fingers in a tight grip and I realised that I had hit him and woken him up.

I pulled my hand from his and sat up. "Sorry, just go back to sleep."

"I have insomnia I can't just go back to sleep!" He snapped and I buried my head in my hands with a sigh.

Had it really been Shayne? Had he done this to Sharleen? Had he done something to _me_?!

"Well, if I'm already up..." Mr. J suddenly rolled himself on top of me in what I would have appreciated as a sexy way if I hadn't just felt so betrayed.

"No! Get off me, please!" I screeched and pushed against him.

"What the hell Harley!" He muttered, rubbing his chin, where I had slapped him. "It was just a dream, get over it already."

"No." I realised as I sat up once more. "It wasn't a dream. It was a memory."

"What?"

"I think I'm going to be sick!" I pressed my hand against my mouth and barely made it to the toilette, before vomiting violently. Tears burned in my eyes, as I sat back, leaning against the bathroom wall.

My life had been normal. I'd had boyfriends. I'd had sex. I'd enjoyed having sex...I'd never done drugs. Shayne hadn't raped me. That was impossible. I would have known! _How could I not have known?!_

I heaved myself up to the sink and brushed my teeth.

There had always been this darkness around me. I'd always known I was different than everybody else, but I had thought it was because I'd lost my sister. Had I been a victim and just hadn't known? Was I still a victim now? This was so messed up!

I took a deep breath and stepped outside of the bathroom. He'd turned on the light and was looking at me in the closest thing to worry he had, which was confusion.

We looked at each other for a while and I knew I couldn't go back to sleep. I felt like I'd never sleep again.

The two of us weren't really boyfriend-girlfriend-material. He wasn't going to just hug me and comfort me and then everything would be alright again. But we couldn't ignore this. I stepped closer to the bed, shivering slightly in my thin nightgown.

"Let's go out." I proposed. "We should do something."

He was up for it immediately and stood up quickly. "I'll give Johnny a call. We'll go to the club. That's actually a good idea, Harls. I wanted to show it to you anyway."

"No." I said and stepped towards him. "I can't be around other people right now. Let's do something, just the two of us."

He pressed his lips together and I could tell he was contemplating the idea.

"Take me to a place no one else knows." I begged. "Something that's just for us. Please."

His blue eyes shone it as he took my chin in his hands, tilting my head back so that we were looking at each others.

"I know just the place." He promised as he leaned in to kiss me. "Get dressed."

* * *

Hi guys! So the medical talk is literally taking off _Grey's Anatomy_ I just changed some things, the line "Very few people on my life have treated me as good as you do." is from my favorite movie _Riding in Cars with Boys_ with Drew Barrymore.  
So were your surprised by this outcome and where is Mr. J taking Harleen? Please review and tell me what you think :)


	15. My Heart is Yours

**Chapter15: My Hearts is Yours**

* * *

A/N: Hi guys! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! This story is almost finished, you won't have to wait that much longer anymore. Even if most of you won't read this I'd like to take the time to explain what happened: First of all life happened with uni and appointments and tests...I just didn't have the time to write or upload. Secondly I had a hard time connecting with Harley&Joker. And then thirdly, my dog died two weeks ago. I realise not everyone can understand the grief I'm feeling, so I can say it in a different way: I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest and half of me is missing and I have no idea how to function let alone write which is very hard for me.  
I've been getting a lot of support from a lot of unlikely places which has been great. Thanks to J (again no pun intended :D) I was able to continue this fanfiction AND start a new one. So stay posted my darlings ;-)  
As always, thank you for each message and review. Most of you were right with your assumption as to where the Joker took her. Have fun!

* * *

 _And I love the riddles that you speak_

 _And any snide remarks from my father_

 _about your tattoos will be ignored..._

 _Cause my heart is yours_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Ours)_

* * *

The Ace Chemical plant was completely dark, as we entered it. He seemed to know his way around and found the light switch easily. The light was dark and gloomy, but somehow it was romantic.

Mr. J took my hand and led me to a back door and we walked up a long flight of stairs. We didn't speak until we were at the top of the building looking down into the nine pools of chemicals.

He sat down at the edge of the platform and I sat beside him.

"Is this where it happened?" I asked and he nodded silently. I didn't need to form the question any clearer. He knew exactly what I meant. This was the place where he had become the Joker, where he had bleached his skin white and his hair green. This was the place he had transformed.

"It's my favourite place in the word."

"It's nice." I looked down at the steaming chemical pool in front of us. "The smell is pretty intense."

"You get used to it." He leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head.

I lied down beside him and looked up at the night sky, since the entire plant had no roof. There was yet another moment of silence before I whispered:

"I think you were right. About Shayne."

Mr. J turned his head towards me to look at me. "You'll have to ask him."

"I know." But I also knew that there was no going back now. That Shayne and I would never recover from this. That he had lost his last ally.

"What happened to you here?" I whispered after a moments silence.

"I turned into the person I am today."

Despite the circumstances I couldn't help but roll my eyes and turned to look at him. "You know what I mean. Who were you before?"

Mr. J didn't answer and I didn't think he would, but he suddenly said: "Imagine the happiest man you know. The kind of person, who can deal with every situation because everything happens for a reason and everything in life will end good, just because life is that way."

Ironically enough the person I thought of was Shayne. It was a pretty accurate description.

"Now take all of that from that person, what is left?"

I turned to look at him, but I wasn't sure what to say.

"A shell of the person?"

"The lowest piece of crap this world has to offer", was his way of putting it and even though he made it sound like a joke I didn't smile. "What does the piece of crap do?"

I'd lost track of his thought process and merely lifted my shoulders to show I wasn't following any more.

"He becomes the stronger one."

I didn't answer. I didn't understand how the chemicals would change that.

"He becomes so much more than a person." He explained, sitting up. "I am an idea...a state of mind."

I sat up too. I was starting to understand what he was saying. And if there was anything I wanted in that moment, anything that could make me breathe again, then it was becoming the stronger person.

He reached out his hand to me and pulled me to my feet. The Joker didn't say it, but I knew what had to be done. Falling into these chemicals was a choice that had to be made. Becoming the stronger one was a choice.

"What did you loose?" I asked even though I had already made up my mind.

"Does that matter?" He asked back with a small smile.

"Please." I whispered and pressed his hand. "It would make it easier for me."

"I will tell you three stories." Mr. J let go of my hand. "One of them is true."

I nodded and he began:

"I lost my parents and little sister in a fire." His face was emotionless. I couldn't tell if he was lying. "My wife was pregnant with our baby and was murdered." He paused and then said: "I drove the car that killed my girlfriend and two children."

I nodded and turned toward the steaming chemicals. Death had been his trigger. And for me it was the similar. Shayne was dead to me now. My life, my fears, hopes and dreams...they were all dead.

"I need a new name."

A smile crept onto his face and I realised he'd already thought of this himself.

"Harley Quinn." He whispered. "Like the Harlequin."

"And like Quinn." I realised as I thought back to the only friend I'd ever had.

I went to the edge of the platform, looked at him and stretched out my arms.

He had a eager look on his face as I let go and fell. I thought it would be scarier and faster, but it felt like floating. It felt right and there was nothing scary about it at all. I was becoming an idea. Much more than a person. The last coherent thought I had was: _I can't swim._

Fire burned her skin, it hurt more than I had expected. There was a flash of light and beauty and music and freedom all rolled into one. I was dancing. She was laughing and singing. This was happiness. This was life. This was darkness. Was this death?

When Harley opened her eyes again air rushed into her lungs and she could breathe. The love of her life was leaning over her, chemicals dripping from his face onto hers. She smiled, leaned up and kissed him, clinging to him for life and so much more. He kissed her back the same way, as if he was the one who had been drowning and she the one to save him.

Harley giggled, as his lips travelled across her face.

"Puddin? It's too warm." The words coming from her mouth had a strong New Jersey accent in them which she liked.

"Well then let's get you out of here, baby." Mr. J responded and swiftly carried her to the edge of the large tank. She climbed out happily and he followed. When her feet touched the ground she squeeled in delight and turned around to face him.

The Joker stood before her, staring at her in awe as if he couldn't believe she was really standing there.

"What?"

"You're perfect." He said and stepped closer. When he touched her wet hair, Harley followed his gaze and began to jump and down in glee, when she discovered her blonde hair was blue and red at the ends. She _was_ perfect.

"Puddin' I need new clothes."

He nodded as he continued to stare at her and she grinned because the two of them had shared the same thoughts and were so in snyc. As if they had drank the same magic potion and now shared the same powers.

"Let's go home." He took her hand and led her out of the chemical plant. When a security guard yelled at them to stop and asked what they were doing here, she reached for Mr. J's gun, pointed it at the man and pulled the trigger. All in one swift movement. Mr. J laughed and kissed her and laughed with him.

When they got to the car Harley begged him to drive as fast as he possible could. They laughed the entire ride, because they managed to cause three crashes and lost two police cars chasing them, because they couldn't catch up. Harley had never been so happy in her entire life. And so fearless.

"Tomorrow we're paying Shayne a visit." She said when the car came to a stop in front of the pent house.

"Whatever you want baby."

"Just you and me." She ran her hand through her bleached hair. "And then I need new clothes."

"We'll rob some stores afterwards." He nodded. "And then..."

She giggled. "Play with Batman for a while?"

"It's like you read my mind!" The Joker leaned in to kiss her and then mumbled against her lips: "Where have you been all my life?"

"I was lost and you found me." She answered matter-of-factly as she climbed out of the car. "Now let's have a party!" She skipped up the stairs, past a baffled Johnny who as even more shocked as she hugged him tightly. Once the blonde woman was inside Johnny stepped down towards Mr. J.

"She's really your girlfriend now, isn't she?"

"Girlfriend?" Mr. J repeated with a long laugh. "Johnny, she's my Queen."

* * *

Sorry it's rather short. What do you guys think?


	16. Crazier

**Chapter16: Crazier**

* * *

Anna: Thank you for your kind words and patience! As you can see updating is helpful :)

* * *

 _You lift my feet off the ground, spin me around  
You make me crazier, crazier_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Crazier)_

* * *

"Are ya ready Puddin?!" Harley giggled from inside their shared bathroom.

"Come out Harley!" Mr. J commanded, growing impatient.

Because she knew she was testing her limits Harley began to giggle. She loved teasing and testing him. Making him angry made her happy. It was her favourite game in the whole world.

"Harley!"

"Here I am, Puddin!" She pushed the door open and revealed her new costume to him. Just as she had hoped his mouth dropped open in awe and he was stunned by her appearance.

It was shocking and that's what Harley lived for: Black pantyhose, blue and red panties covered by a dark belt, a ripped tight shirt that read _Daddy's Lil' Monster_ and two pigtails. Her white and blue shoes with their high heels, still didn't amount much to her height. She was still smaller than him.

"Do ya like it?" She giggled turning around and stretching so that he had a good view of her perfectly shaped butt.

"I love it." He muttered with a dark look in his eyes. "But you know I can't let you leave the house like that Harley."

She began to giggle and stepped towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Why not?"

"You know why." He sighed. "I don't want other men looking at you."

The blonde woman giggled. "Yes you do. You'll love it, you'll see!" She stepped back from him in a dancing step. "Is it enough to shock dear old Shayne?"

Mr. J nodded. "It's perfect Harley."

She squealed loudly at his praise and clapped her hands together. "Johnny was a lot of help!" She walked past him to the window and looked out into the night of Gotham City.

"I can imagine." Mr. J smiled.

"He was!" Harley spun around to him. "And he said he had fun!"

"He was terrified, Harley. You scare him."

She rolled her blue eyes and didn't answer. There was a silence as a dark look appeared on her face. It was a rare expression, but Mr. J knew it all to well on her pretty features: Fear.

"We don't have to do it tonight." He said as he stepped towards her and cupped her face in his hands. "There's no rush."

"I want to do it tonight." She argued.

He kissed her and Harley kissed him back with a giggle. Excitement radiated through her entire body. She wasn't sure if there had been some kind of drug in the chemicals that had found their way into her bloodstream or if she was just always happy because she was finally free. Maybe it was a mixture of both.

Mr. J took her hand into his and led her down the stairs. The plan was to kill Shayne, they both knew that, but they didn't know how yet. Mr. J wouldn't have minded taking him home to make it last, but Harley wanted it over with. She wasn't sure if she could actually do it, but the Joker believed in her.

"Johnny, Harley and I are going out."

The henchman looked up from the phone in his hands and if he was surprised he didn't show it. Next to him on the sofa the redheaded police-woman stiffened and sat up as she saw the couple.

"Yvette, go and clean the bathroom!" Harley snapped and the other woman scrambled to her feet and hurried upstairs. The bleached blonde sighed dramatically and looked up at her boyfriend.

"I hate her."

"I know, Baby." He didn't say anything further to the matter and turned to his most-trusted man. "Stay here and keep the boys in check."

Johnny nodded. He'd been working for Mr. J long enough to know what that meant. No parties, no guests, nothing unusual was to go on in his house if he wasn't there or hadn't ordered it.

"Johnny, you had fun going shopping today right?" Harley asked.

His eyes went to his boss, who wasn't much help and was chuckling amused.

"Eh..sure Harley. We should do it again."

"See! Told ya, Puddin'!" She squealed and was then pulled out of the house to the car. The drive was 40 minutes and even though Harley tried not to be – she was nervous. She wasn't sure she could do this, she wasn't even sure she wanted to do it...Mr. J said it would help her and that Shayne didn't deserve to live after what he had done. She understood that, but killing him? Would it make her feel better?

"Is your psychologist talking to you again?" Mr. J took his eyes off the road to look at her and Harley blushed under his gaze. She wasn't sure how he knew when her sane thoughts overwhelmed her, but he could always tell.

"Revenge is useless. I won't feel better afterwards."

"Yes you will." He disagreed. "You'll see."

"I'm scared."

"Do you know what we should do?" He suddenly said.

"What?"

"Get you some tattoos." He grinned. "You have such pretty skin, but we can perfect it."

She hadn't thought about it before. "So I look like you?"

" _Exactly_ like me!" He chuckled and she began to laugh loudly.

"I can't look _exactly_ like you, Puddin'!" Harley giggled. "I'm a woman!"

Mr. J sped through the night even quicker and began to laugh loudly with her. Once they had calmed down he said:

"I still have a present for you, Harls."

"Really?!" She turned around in her seat. "Where?! Is it the car?!"

" _No._ " He laughed. "Open the glove-box."

When she did she was half expecting a gun, but was surprised when she pulled out a black choker-necklace. The gold letters _Puddin_ were written on it.

"Oh Puddin'!" She cried out. "It's beautiful!"

"Put it on!"

She did so and squealed happily. "It's perfect, Mr. J'!"

He looked at her and nodded. It was perfect. She would shock her brother to death with her new appearance. Only the tattoos were missing. He already had some ideas for her, he'd thought about them while she'd been sleeping. Mr. J knew she was scared, but he didn't ask her about it. There was no point. The only way to beat your fear was to stand up to it. Harley would learn that soon enough. So he turned up the music and sped through the night. Anticipation was pumping though his veins. Harley was almost perfect, almost. But he had to see how she would deal with this. Whether she could cope or not.

Once Shayne was taken care of Mr. J would finally be able to make his Harley Quinn public so all the world could see. Especially Batman. The Joker wanted everyone to know that Harley and he belonged together. That she was his.

And he wanted everyone to be afraid.

He stopped his car in front of the large building complex and turned to his girlfriend.

"Are you ready?"

She grinned. "Let's do it."

The pair got out of the car and hurried toward the building. Mr. J stayed back and watched Harley, who rang the doorbell without a moments hesitation.

"Hello?"

"Shayne, it's me Harleen!"

The door buzzed immediately and the clown pair stepped inside. Mr. J chuckled at how easy this was.

"Harleen?" Shayne stepped into the hallway and just as Mr. J had hoped his mouth fell open and he stared at his little sister in pure and utter shock.

"Hi Shayne!" She cried out happily, using his shocked state to push herself past him and into the apartment. The Joker followed silently. The fear was written all over Shayne Quinzel's face. It was beautiful.

"What happened to you?!"

Mr. J closed the door with a loud bang and the man jumped and turned toward him. "And who the hell are you? What did you do to my sister?!"

"That's not the question Shayne..." Harley was walking through his apartment looking at the paintings on the wall. "The question is what did _you_ do to _my_ sister?"

"To...what?!" Shayne looked at his changed sister momentarily but focused on the Jokers face soon after because he was afraid of what he would do outside of his sight. "To Sharley?"

"No, to Marley." Harley rolled her eyes. "Of course to Sharleen!"

"I didn't...this...this _guy_ put all these ideas in your head!"

"Do you really not know who I am?" Mr. J joined the conversation. "I'm offended." He crosses his hand over his chest.

Shayne's eyes grew large with fear as he looked from Harley to Mr. J, unsure of what to say.

"He's the Joker!" Harley explained annoyed. "And we want to know what you did to Sharleen."

"You're dating _the Joker_?!" Shayne snapped at her. "What are you crazy? Do you have some sort of deathwish?!"

Harley couldn't help it. She burst out in loud laughter. Was she crazy! The answer to that question was as clear as day.

"Speaking of death-wishes..." Mr. J reached for his old baseball-bat hanging on the wall and ripped it down in one movement, before throwing it towards Harley, who caught it immediately. "We want you to tell the truth and if you do that we _might_ let you live..." She tried to contain her giggles. Of course she wasn't going to let Shayne live.

Shayne gulped turning to his sister. Any hope of talking some sense into her had vanished as his eyes met her. She _was_ crazy and he was doomed.

Harley on the other hand was having the time of her life. The heavy bat felt good in her hands. Strong. She liked that feeling.

Shayne decided quickly that running was not an option. Her freak-boyfriend was guarding the door and there was no way past him. So he turned and ran into his bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Horrible laughing sounds echoed outside his door, making him shudder. Harley squealed happily. He knew he had to leave, had to get himself out of this situation. But he couldn't leave his bag behind. He ducked under his bed to reach for the blue duffel bag, hoping he'd have enough time to climb out of the window before this crazy couple encountered him.

Once his hands touched the soft material he sighed relieved and straightened up. There was a loud banging sound and suddenly Shayne was on the floor, with Harley sitting on top of him.

"Gotcha!" She cried out happily, as if they were children again, playing and tackling each other for fun.

"Are you going somewhere?" The Joker asked amused as he lifted the duffel bag.

"Leave that alone!"

Mr. J chuckled. "Yeah right - Now I have to look at it!"

" _NO_!" He pushed Harley off him and raced to the Joker, who didn't seem to care at all and calmly opened the bag, before empyting the contents on the floor.

The three of them froze, Harley on the floor with her palms pressing into the carpet. Mr. J and Shayne standing opposite each other with the bag on the floor.

Cut off chunks of different hair were lying on the floor, each wrapped in separate bags. The Joker wasn't entirely sure what he had expected but he could say for a fact that he hadn't expected well... _this_...

"Why...?" He didn't even know how to phrase his question as he looked up at the young man before him. He was breathing raggedly and his hair was sweaty and a mess. Mr. J looked up at Harley who was staggering to her feet and shakingly declared:

"You're the Rapunzel-Rapist."

For a moment the Joker was confused, but then he remembered the news. The rapsit who went along cutting off his victims hair before he killed them.

"You're disgusting!" He snapped as he looked at the young man again.

"I gave these woman what they wanted!" Shayne snapped, turning around to his sister. Or to what had once been his sister.

"And Sharleen?" Harley gripped her bat tighter.

"Sharleen was playing with me for months!" Shayne stepped closer and Mr. J wanted to follow, but he saw Harley gripping the bat securely so he decided to stay out of it and watch. "She was always walking around in her short skirts and tight tops she was so hot for me, she was begging for it!"

Harley shook her head and tears burned in her eyes. "You're sick."

"Well that seems to be running in the family lately."

Harley didn't react to his sarcasm and merely said: "You killed her."

"She killed herself!" Shayne stepped closer lifting his finger. "Stupid bitch was acting like _I_ was the one that ruined her life!"

"You _did_ ruin her life!" Harley cried. "You...you ruined everything."

Shayne shook his head. "I knew you'd react this way Harleen. You cannot understand the connection Sharleen and I had. The sexual tension was building up for months she wanted me to fuck her."

Harley shook her head again, but she'd heard enough about Sharleen. She knew the truth now. She understood why her sister had done what she had done. Harley could let it go.

"Did you send those women after me?" She asked. "The fierce five?"

He didn't answer. Instead he said: "I picked out your little friend Quinn as my next victim. As a tribute to you. But the little bitch ran off just in time."

It came back to her then. Quinn's uncomfortable date. Shayne's girlfriend Janine which hadn't worked out. The rape-victim who was afraid of her. Their eyes were so alike...

"What about me?" She whispered, stepping closer and gripping the bat with both of her hands as if she was holding on to a security blanket. Mr. J crept closer, still lurking in the background.

"Did you rape me too?"

Shayne threw his head back and laughed and laughed and laughed. He laughed so much tears streamed down his face as he held his stomach. Once he'd calmed down he chuckled and said:

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

And Harley lost it.

With a scream she jumped towards her brother, bringing the bat down upon him again and again and again. Shayne screamed in pain and it was pure music to her ears. She brought the bat back up and slammed it down on his body. Blood flew everywhere, onto her own clothes, onto his carpet and onto his trophies of his victims. Mr. J grinned happily as he watched Harley beat her brother to death.

Even long after his cries had worn out Harley continued bringing the bat down on the bloody mess that had once been his handsome face. Finally after minutes she swung the bat up against her shoulder.

"What do ya think, Puddin'?" She asked looking down at the dead body. "Was that good?"

"That was really good, Harley." He put her arm around her. "Daddy's proud of you."

"It's kind of pretty, don't ya think?"

The Joker laughed as he tightened his grip around her.

"Like art."

And he realised then that he loved her, actually truthfully loved her, because she saw beauty in death and order in chaos. And reason in confusion.

She turned around and leaned against him and he breathed in her sweet smell that was mingled with the stench of blood.

"We never found out who sent the Fierce Five." She whispered. "I really thought it was him."

"We will find out, don't worry."

"I want to keep the bat."

Not at all surprised by this statement Mr. J smiled. "You should it fits you."

"Is it really over now?" She asked quietly and Mr. J kissed the top of her head.

"Yeah baby, it's over. You're ok now." He buried his face in her hair. "Let's go home."

* * *

Hi guys, so the story is basically over I have one last chapter for you guys thanks for all your comments not just about the story, but about my dog, my little boy, too. Thank you! What did you guys think of this one?


	17. Start of an Age

**Chapter17: Start of an Age**

* * *

 _It was the end of a decade  
But the start of an age_

 _(_ Taylor Swift _– Long Live)_

* * *

Yvette Carrow had never thought she'd make it this far. She had thought she'd be long dead by now. She knew that her days were numbered and that she was going to join her husband soon. All she could do was hope that Catherine was ok, wherever she was. Or that she had been redeemed and had died.

In her time as the Jokers servant Yvette had spent a lot of time alone with her thoughts. She knew now that the _Fierce Five_ had been a mistake. A failed ideology created by Susan Turner and her need to overpower her disgusting husband.

When she lay on the floor in the cellar she thought back to those beginnings in Susans house. How much fun they'd had plotting and planning and fantasising about their clients wishes and especially Jessica was looking forward to torturing people. Yvette liked the idea of the _Fierce Five_ being a group fighting for justice for the weak. The avengers of the abused.

Their surprise had been huge when the Joker himself had arrived at their doorstep as one of their clients and even more surprising was the fact that he wanted to be hurt himself. In a bank-robbery. They were to come in and shoot him. Not kill him.

And the Joker had paid well.

More clients had followed after Mr. J. Those days had been great, they'd all been so happy, so comfortable in their secret roles...and then Dr. Harleen Quinzel had ruined it all. After coming into the police-station and trying to file a complaint against Dr. Turner things had started to go down hill for all of them. And Yvette had been friends with Jessica and Jessica had been in love with Susanne Turner.

And suddenly Susanne had said she had the biggest job so far, the most important client they would ever have. More important than the Joker. More vicious than the Joker. Yvette had believed in this secret client for a very long time. Longer than she cared to admit. She'd lain awake at night wondering about this person, worrying about her husband and her niece. And it was this client that wanted Dr. Quinzel to be destroyed.

When Mr. J had tortured her she'd told him she didn't know who this client was, she'd sworn it even. But he didn't believe her. She'd explained to him that she was sure Susanne had been the one to order the hit on Harleen, had hidden behind a fake clients name. That she must have found out about Dr. Quinzel and her husband, that she had wanted revenge for Harleens attack on him.

Yvette didn't know if he believed her or not. At some point he had stopped asking and started using her for inside jobs, for covering up crimes as best as she could, falsifying reports, clearing his and Harleys name.

She felt sorry for Harleen, she truly did. And she wished she had handled the situation at the police-station better, but Susanne had always had this power over her and had made her feel like a teenager again. She had to abide her will, Susanne was their leader.

And then her leader had killed herself when she realised what she had done. What attacking Harleen Quinzel had meant.

At first Yvette had been heart-broken when she'd heard of her friend's death. But now that time had passed, Yvette was sure it was better this way. She was free of Susanne now.

And one day...if Harley was lucky – she'd be free of the Joker too.

She was bound to him Yvette could tell that much. The police-woman had heard yelling and hadn't been surprised to see the blonde woman with a swollen eye the next day. She also wasn't surprised that Harley didn't seem to care that he had hit her. She loved her precious Puddin' no matter what.

With a sigh she leaned down to reach for her bucket. She'd been cleaning Harleys rooms once again and was emptying the water in the sink. When she heard loud yelling coming her way, she knew what was going to happen. That it was time.

"You say you love me and you'd do anything for me!" Harley snapped.

"Woman, you are going to be the _death_ of me!"

"I hate her!" The blonde screeched in a high-pitched voice. "I want her gone!"

Yvette pulled off her cleaning gloves and turned around shaking. If she was going to die, then she wouldn't die wearing wet rubber gloves. She tried her best not to be afraid – she'd known her days were over once the Joker had declared Harley was his queen. She hadn't stood a chance, because the hate and disappointment Harleen Quinzel had felt for her had lived in on in the ever happy and bubbly Harley Quinn. And her hate was notwithstanding.

"Well Honey, I want you to shut up – we can't all get what we want!"

Harley didn't answer anything to that instead she yelled: "Don't you see the way she looks at you?! She's after you – everyone knows it, you just don't see it!"

"You're seeing things Harley. Besides, you know I only love you."

The voices were growing louder, as they came closer and Yvette was beginning to wish they would just come inside and get it over with. She was ready.

"Oh right, Puddin'! And I'm just supposed to _believe_ you?! If you only love me then do as I ask and just finally get _rid of her!_ We don't need her any more!"

The door to the kitchen was pushed open forcefully and Yvette looked up at them, trying her best to seem fearless. The crazy clown couple stood before her. He was in his usual style of wearing dark trousers, no shirt and his purple leather jacket. She was clothed with surprisingly more clothes than usual. In dark trousers and a purple top, her hair was pulled up to a messy bun and her make-up was more subtle than normally. Despite everything she was still so beautiful. Harleen Quinzel had never realised what an utter beauty she was, but Harley Quinn declared her confidence with every breath.

The three looked at each other and Mr. J raised his gun at her.

"Sorry, Yvette, but the Queen gets what she wants."

Harley squealed happily beside him. Yvette didn't beg him not to do it. She didn't cry or yell out. She was ready to follow Susanne, her husband and maybe Catherine. Her eyes locked on Harleys and she lifted her shoulders.

"I'm sorry."

She was sorry and it nice to die knowing she had apologised. Even if Harleen would never hear her apology because she had vanished inside her crazy and tired mind. At least she had said it.

A loud bang echoed through the house and Yvette was dead in seconds. It was a clear and clean head-shot and as Mr. J dropped his arm again Harley jumped into his arms.

"Thank you, Puddin'!"

"You're welcome, baby." He kissed her deeply and she giggled as she realised:

"We need someone to clean this up – now that our cleaning lady is dead!"

"You're so morbid, Harley."

She threw her pretty head back and laughed: "I learned from the best, Puddin'!"

Mr. J grinned, unable to stop himself. She was right of course. The two of them were alike not just in the outer appearances – bleached skin and tattoos (Harley had developed quite a passion for them too and had some on her arms, her collarbone, her back...) – but in their thinking as well. It was as if their souls had connected in a way that they weren't able to control or understand. And nothing the other did was able to disrupt this connection.

"So what do you want to do now?" He asked, putting his hands on her waist.

" _Gotham's Bachelor_ is on!"

The Joker groaned. He shouldn't have asked.

"Come on! It will be fun!" Harley was jumping up and down, careful not to step into the blood flowing over their kitchen floor from Yvette's head wound.

"I _hate_ that Bruce Wayne!" Mr. J muttered. "I still can't believe he sent Claire home – they were perfect for each other!"

Harley giggled at his obvious enthusiasm and took his hand in hers to led him into the living room.

"You should apply for _Gotham's Bachelor_!" Harley giggled as she sat down on the couch. "And instead of sending a girl home, you kill her!" She laughed. "Imagine how much more effort they'd put into the dates!"

Mr. J laughed loudly. "That's a nice idea, Harls. But...I'm not a bachelor any more am I?"

For a short second a serious look appeared in her eyes and she looked like she had before the chemical bath.

"No." She mused. "I guess you're not."

Mr. J put his arm around her and pulled her close. Harley closed her eyes and sighed comfortably. She was finally home, after all these years, after all the hardships she had arrived just where she'd always wanted to be. Their relationship wasn't perfect. They had their ups and downs, but she was finally home just by being with him.

"Knock, knock."

Harley opened her eyes again. "Who's there?"

"The interrupting clown."

She frowned. "The interrupted clow-"

He kissed her, interrupting her in the process and she giggled against his lips as she understood the joke. No they were far from perfect. But they were right. And Batman and all the rest of Gotham better have been prepared.

Because this was only the beginning.

* * *

Hi guys!

So, this was it.

When I first started this fanfiction in September 2016 I was very unhappy with my life, because I'd lost my passion and my motivation for writing. A lot of that had to do with the fact that I had a TV in my room and was constantly binge-watching my favorite series. It was sucking the inspiration right out of me. I just didn't know. Getting rid of the TV was very hard for me, because I felt like I was loosing some friends (that's how addicted I was).  
Those first weeks were very tough. So I listened to Taylor Swift and wrote this fanfiction. And this was the first thing I produced, trying to find my old self in writing again, the one that never gives up and believes in herself. The one that spent all of her free-time basically binge-writing fanfiction or novels.  
I'm not entirely back to my old self, but this story definitively helped. I miss the nights staying up writing and continuing the story while singing along to Taylor. I especially miss them because since my dogs death I have been unable to stay in my room for a long period of time and I can only wish back to when I was there writing, singing and feeling free.  
But with time things will change.

Anyway I just wanted to say thank you, because I've never finished a fanfiction so quickly here before. If it hadn't been for you guys I never would have. This story and you have been with me these last few months and your support, critic, jokes and kind words mean so much to me I don't even know how to put it in words. Thank you so much. I just...I can't even say it often enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I also never told you guys this, but originally Harley wasn't the doctor in this story. Originally I thought hey what would Mr. J do? If Harley was alone at home, he was robbed and she had been attacked in the process? He would be completely mad and not care about her state. He'd be pissed he got robbed. And then I thought but if he knew the extend of her injuries then he would care. And suddenly Mr. J wouldn't stop talking to the female doctor and thinking about her and then it clicked: Turn the doctor into Harley and you have a story.  
I just wanted to tell you guys that because this is my last chance :D

 **Also, stay posted:** There will be **more stories**. The next one will probably be called "Treat you better" or "The Story" - I haven't decided which one to start yet.

As always, tell me what you think :) 

**THANK YOU! :-***


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